For all teens

The first thing I want to say is that some of your rhymes seemed really forced. Stuff I added or changed will be in blue.

bling2934 wrote:I look around and all I see, is people mocking and laughing with glee.

I wonder why people are so mean, but then I remember it's the life of a teen.

People judge and say mean stuff, all it really is is one big bluff. I think this would sound better: It is just one big bluff

They like to laugh and have a good time, so they remember living in their prime. They need to remember living in their prime.

Memories last, but so do tears. It's not always nice remembering the years.

All the school it takes to get the knowledge, It's kind of silly just for college. All the school, all the knowledge, but then it's just off to collage.

But then again it can be cool, laughing and loving it's not just a drool.

Some of your lines just need too many small words to make the big words work. It breaks up the flow and rhythm. I tried to give you some examples of smoother lines... I think you are trying to hard to explain everything you mean by your words.

A. S.

I liked this poem! The only thing i caught was you said "there" instead if "their" But other wise is was really good! I really like this line "Memories last but so do tears, It's not always nice remembering the years." I hope to see more! PM me if you want me to review anything else! Keep on writing!

KAH

I feel like working in such a structured rhyming scheme kind of messed up the feeling of this poem. It seems more like a nursery rhyme, a cautionary tale that doesn't really carry enough gravity to truly convey the negativity of the situation at hand.

Overall, this is a good poem and I liked the idea of it. But, the rhythm seem a little off to me. The corrections are in bold :]

I look around and all I see, are people mocking and laughing with glee.

I wonder why people are so mean, but then I remember it's the life of a teen.

People judge and say mean stuff, it's all really just one big bluff.

They like to laugh and have a good time, so they remember living in their prime.

Memories last, but so do tears, It's not always nice remembering past years.

All the school required to get the knowledge, It's kinda silly just for college.

But then again it can be cool, laughing and loving is not a a drool.

If you have any questions, PM me!

You give solid points in this piece and sadly most are true though I have to disagree that tears do not last as memories do.
Usually memories can only fade with time. a lot of time. But tears come and go given the the reason for them and can be discared should you choose.
All and all great work and keep writing!
-Dawn

Hello I'm LastPaladin and I'll be your reviewer, sadly this piece came across as many do, cliche and nothing new is added it's similar story heard so many times and after a while you get bored of it. Yes we get High School hell, yes we get it's depressing being a teen and being teased, but where is the emotion in this, where is the imagery you're meant to captivate us with?

The format this is in would suit more a blog entry, rather than a piece talking about this, the way it's laid out and spaced out. It really doesn't hold a candle nor keep a person interest we've heard it, and sick of hearing it. Give us a new hook to make us feel, give us enchanting imagery that brings us along in the pain.

And lastly show don't tell, show us the pain, show us the harshness of it all, use langauge techniques to convey it all.

Hope it helps.