Face(less)book Chapter 3

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Well-manicured gardens glistened in the sun. Ina and Nikita stood before the slick silver front of the ISCON mall. The mall was quickly living up to its promise to be the largest in the region. Reflection danced across the large glass window in the front. It was easy to imagine that one day the structure could be mistaken for an ancient sacred monolith as the large, brightly colored models stared down at them like 'fashion gods' from the other side of gigantic glass panels of brand shops.

They darted inside what seemed more like the inside of a spaceship than a mall. A large sign declaring “60 % OFF” and
“New Lines Added” drew them into the closest women's fashion store.

Ina quickly eyed a pair of jeans on a dress form dummy before the shopkeeper could approach.

“Show me that black on,” Ina demanded, as she pointed at the jeans.

The shopkeeper was a slim, well-dressed women. She eyed Ina from head to toe and said, “Ma’am that one won't fit.”

“That's kind of rude,” Nikita blasted back.

The shopkeeper wrinkled her nose, but remained polite. Her hair was neatly tied back in a perfect bun at the back of her head.


“Don't you have an alternative size for that piece?” Ina asked, hoping to hold a pair in her hands soon.

“Sorry, we don't,” the shopkeeper said.

“Then why did you bother to open a showroom?” Nikita cursed with frustration.

Nikita knew neither her nor Ina intended to buy anything even if a size was available. They were out to window shop, and that was it.

“Calm down,” Ina whispered to Nikita. Ina felt uncomfortable watching Nikita getting on the shopkeeper.

“Sorry,” the shopkeeper apologized. “They are all sold out. That is the last one.”

“What sorry?” Nikita ridiculed. “You didn't have a smaller size the last time I was here either. Why do you still show that piece on a dummy if you don't have it? What the hell are you doing here in the mall?
The shopkeeper listened patiently and said nothing

“Go and open shop in some other filthy market,” Nikita scoffed.
Nikita wasn't about to calm down. Ina grabbed her shoulder and dragged her out of the shop.

“What was that all about, Nikita?” Ina said, pointing an index finger at her.

“That was for fun,” Nikita replied with an evil grin.

“Even though you knew we weren't going to buy anything?” Ina pressed. They made their way towards the escalators that led to the three more floors.

“It doesn't matter. Just chuck it,” Nikita replied, wanting to end the topic.
The bottom floor of the mall was filled with rainbow colored banners that hung from the skylights. A man stopped and surveyed Ina up and down. Ina knew that men only came to the mall alone when they were on the lookout for women. If only they knew how obvious they were being. Girls frequented malls – boys just came to get what they needed and leave, or to look for girls mostly.
The escalators moved the busy crowds of people between the layers shops.

“Hello, Ina!” came a masculine voice from above her head. She spun around to see Deepak, a college friend, leering down at her from the next floor up. He waved and made his way hurriedly to the escalator.

“I am coming over,” Deepak mouthed as his feet hit the top stairs of the escalator.

Ina weakly waved at him and stopped underneath a set of three palm trees planted in the center of the mall that were surrounded by a circle of brown and beige colored benches. Ina thought they were a bit gaudy, palm trees included, for such a slick mall.

“Not again,” Ina cursed under her breath.

Deepak's body was muscular, and he wore clothes to accentuate his athleticism. They were in engineering college together. He was a hunk, but Ina only considered him to be a casual friend. Beyond his athletic qualities, he wasn't that impressive. In fact, he was as bit dumb; partly because he only thought about girls. Despite having many sports fans, the girlfriends were no where to be seen. Largely, he didn't know what to say or not. He was always nervous.

“Who's he? Nikita inquired as she surveyed his physique from Nike shoes to Nike cap. He seemed to be advertising for Nike.

“You can go on,” Ina said. “I'll catch up in a bit.”

Nikita shrugged, “Want to be alone with your guy friend? I can dig that.”

“He's just a friend,” Ina said, half-annoyed.

“Sure, whatever,” Nikita said, as she danced off. She wandered around the shops , not really seeing what was on display.

Her gaze flicked desultorily over the latest fashions and accessories, without any particular interest.She didn't make it far before a nearby vendor's handmade gold jewelry caught her eyes.

Deepak sauntered up to Ina.

“How are you, Ina?” he asked.

“I'm fine,” she mustered with false enthusiasm.

“You know, I was busy practicing and got selected for nationals,” Deepak said.

“Soccer?” she inquired “You mean the National Soccer Team? Ain’t possible!” she said overawed.

“I tried to inform you but you suddenly disappeared from my friends list,” Deepak frowned.

“Orkut?” she asked to clarify. Deepak never expressed his thought clearly. Most came across half-communicated. “I deleted my Orkut profile.”

“Are you mad?” Deepak asked in genuine surprise. “Orkut is so much fun. There's a lot of girls there.”

“Stupid! What do I care about girls?” Ina said. “Everyday it's the same stupid questions 'Hello, can we be friends? What do you do? What's your age? Why haven't you uploaded your photograph.' It's a dating site more so than a social networking site. It's just not who I am.”

“Okay, no big deal. Are you shopping alone?”
Deepak looked around to see if anyone was standing nearby.

“Nope, my friend Nikita's here.” pointing to Nikita who had just put a gold ring on her finger and was stretching her hand out at the handsome vendor who looked uninterested

“Nikita? Do I know her?”

“Nope, you don't,” Ina said,.

His eye's at once focused on a Nikita wearing a short mini skirt that went up to her thigh at another stand. Deepak's eyes stared at Nikita hungrily. Ina well understood that she would be his next target.

“Hello? Deepak?” she said to interrupt. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” he said. “Why is she standing alone? Why don't you call her over?”

“Actually, she doesn't like to talk to stranger,” Ina lied.

“Stranger? But you know me,” Deepak whined. It was unsettling to see a tall, strong man like Deepak whine.

“Yeah, I know. Forget her, Deepak,” Ina said. She quickly changed the subject.

“Why are you in the mall?”

“Movie.” Deepak answer. He had a one track mine, though. The diversion didn't last long. “Your friend is gorgeous. Why don't you just introduce me?”

“No way! I know what's on your mind. Stop it!”

“It's not like that at all. I just want to talk to her.”

“You're lying. Why don't you go to your movie,” Ina countered.

“Who am I going to take – my fans? Does she have a boyfriend?”

Deepak's entire attention was on Nikita. Nikita, however, was oblivious to his eyes.

“I don't know,” she said.

“How can you not know?” Deepak insisted. “She's your friend. Is she single?” she continued with a small pause “you know
I’m single. I'm sure you can do something to help two single people meet each other”

Nikita finally glanced back at the two of them. Deepak continued to stare lustfully after her. Ina was sure Nikita had some idea they were talking about her.

“Deepak!” Ina said in annoyance. “Quit staring at her! You look stupid!”

“Don't you want your friend to get a good girlfriend,” Deepak frowned. “I'm sure she's made for me. I have the intuition that she's perfect for me.”

“Hello! Deepak, listen closely – none of my friends are made for you. Not a one! Do you understand?”

“You have so many beautiful friends. I'm sure one of them is for me,” he continued to whine again. “Please do something. I can't stand being single anymore. Look at me! Don't you feel pity?”

Ina, getting upset, looked at the floor. But tried to stick to the thought “None of my friends is for you. Don't even think about it.”

“You aren't my friend,” he pouted. “I knew it! It was a mistake to think you were.”
Ina knew he was trying to emotionally blackmail her, and she closed her ears to it.

“Deepak! For God sakes – stop it!

“I'm not good looking,” he frowned deeply. “that's why I don't have a girl friend.”

“Who told you? I sometimes wonder how smart you are, but any girl would die for a handsome dude like you,” she said.

“Believe me!”

“So, that's why I don't have a single girlfriend?”

“Girls aren't everything, Deepak.”

“There's nothing in life without girls,” Deepak sighed. “Life's dull and boring, no excitement. Just the same thing
everyday.”

“Deepak! Have patience.”

Ina glanced over to see Nikita disappear into a shop. She was probably frustrated that Ina was talking for so long with a boy. Ina was relieved that Nikita was out of Deepak's sights now.

“Patience? I've been waiting for almost twenty years. You say I should be more patient. It's all because of friends like you that I'm alone.”

“Me?” Ina said. “What did I do?”

“If you wanted you could have given me a girlfriend. You understand relationships. Your words are magical, and nothing is impossible for you. But you don't want me to get committed so what can I do,” he frowned.

“Uh,” Ina grunted. She was beginning to feel pity. The emotional blackmailing was working. She was caught in a whirlpool of emotional dialogue. Truly had said, People whose mind can't be dominated can be only won through heart gamest and indomitable heart can be won through mind games.

“OK, fine,” Ina sighed.

“Did you just say okay?” Deepak stuttered. He was expecting it sooner or later, but sooner had surprised him.

“But I have a condition for that,” Ina said.

“Condition? Deepak echoed. “I'd jump off a cliff for a girlfriend. I'll agree to whatever you want. But are you sure I'll get a girlfriend?”

“There's a ninety percent chance you'll get a girlfriend,” Ina said. “But...”

“Ninety-percent?” A big smile crossed his face. “I'll accept every condition. Give me my girlfriend!”

“First listen to my condition. Then you can decide.”

“There's no need. I just want a girlfriend, and that's all,” Deepak said.

“Okay, then. Meet me next time, and I'll make you understand the whole story,” she said.

“Next time?” Deepak stammered.

“Can you give me this much patience, Deepak?”

“As you say Guru Ina.”

“I will let you know the whole story behind dating girls when we meet again,” she promised. “But don't forget you have accepted all my conditions.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Unfortunately, You become what you think 24*7
-Gaurav Mehta,2008




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EiggyPiggy wrote:Well-manicured gardens glistened in the sun. Ina and Nikita stood before the slick silver front of the ISCON mall. The mall was quickly living up to its promise to be the largest in the region. Reflection danced across the large glass window in the front. It was easy to imagine that one day the structure could be mistaken for an ancient sacred monolith as the large, brightly colored models stared down at them like 'fashion gods' from the other side of gigantic glass panels of brand shops. I like the description here. It was just enough to hold my attention and at the same time picture it. The suggestion of what the mall could be in the future was really cool, too.

They darted inside what seemed more like the inside of a spaceship than a mall. A large sign declaring “60 % OFF” and
“New Lines Added” drew them into the closest women's fashion store.

Ina quickly eyed a pair of jeans on a dress form dummy before the shopkeeper could approach.

“Show me that black on,” Ina demanded, as she pointed at the jeans. Did you mean "one" here?

The shopkeeper was a slim, well-dressed women. She eyed Ina from head to toe and said, “Ma’am that one won't fit.” Should be a comma between "ma'am" and "that"

“That's kind of rude,” Nikita blasted back.

The shopkeeper wrinkled her nose, but remained polite. Her hair was neatly tied back in a perfect bun at the back of her head.


“Don't you have an alternative size for that piece?” Ina asked, hoping to hold a pair in her hands soon.

“Sorry, we don't,” the shopkeeper said.

“Then why did you bother to open a showroom?” Nikita cursed with frustration.

Nikita knew neither her nor Ina intended to buy anything even if a size was available. They were out to window shop, and that was it. "Neither she nor Ina"...better grammar

“Calm down,” Ina whispered to Nikita. Ina felt uncomfortable watching Nikita getting on the shopkeeper.

“Sorry,” the shopkeeper apologized. “They are all sold out. That is the last one.”

“What sorry?” Nikita ridiculed. “You didn't have a smaller size the last time I was here either. Why do you still show that piece on a dummy if you don't have it? What the hell are you doing here in the mall?
The shopkeeper listened patiently and said nothing Don't forget punctuation.

“Go and open shop in some other filthy market,” Nikita scoffed.
Nikita wasn't about to calm down. Ina grabbed her shoulder and dragged her out of the shop.

“What was that all about, Nikita?” Ina said, pointing an index finger at her.

“That was for fun,” Nikita replied with an evil grin.

“Even though you knew we weren't going to buy anything?” Ina pressed. They made their way towards the escalators that led to the three more floors. Great dialogue past few lines. It makes the story more interesting.

“It doesn't matter. Just chuck it,” Nikita replied, wanting to end the topic.
The bottom floor of the mall was filled with rainbow colored banners that hung from the skylights. A man stopped and surveyed Ina up and down. Ina knew that men only came to the mall alone when they were on the lookout for women. If only they knew how obvious they were being. Girls frequented malls – boys just came to get what they needed and leave, or to look for girls mostly. :D
The escalators moved the busy crowds of people between the layers shops.

“Hello, Ina!” came a masculine voice from above her head. She spun around to see Deepak, a college friend, leering down at her from the next floor up. He waved and made his way hurriedly to the escalator.

“I am coming over,” Deepak mouthed as his feet hit the top stairs of the escalator.

Ina weakly waved at him and stopped underneath a set of three palm trees planted in the center of the mall that were surrounded by a circle of brown and beige colored benches. Ina thought they were a bit gaudy, palm trees included, for such a slick mall.

“Not again,” Ina cursed under her breath.

Deepak's body was muscular, and he wore clothes to accentuate his athleticism. They were in engineering college together. He was a hunk, but Ina only considered him to be a casual friend. Beyond his athletic qualities, he wasn't that impressive. In fact, he was as bit dumb; partly because he only thought about girls. Despite having many sports fans, the girlfriends were no where to be seen. Largely, he didn't know what to say or not. He was always nervous.

“Who's he? Nikita inquired as she surveyed his physique from Nike shoes to Nike cap. He seemed to be advertising for Nike. Need quotation mark after the question mark.

“You can go on,” Ina said. “I'll catch up in a bit.”

Nikita shrugged, “Want to be alone with your guy friend? I can dig that.”

“He's just a friend,” Ina said, half-annoyed.

“Sure, whatever,” Nikita said, as she danced off. She wandered around the shops , not really seeing what was on display.

Her gaze flicked desultorily over the latest fashions and accessories, without any particular interest.She didn't make it far before a nearby vendor's handmade gold jewelry caught her eyes.

Deepak sauntered up to Ina. Good use of "sauntered".

“How are you, Ina?” he asked.

“I'm fine,” she mustered with false enthusiasm.

“You know, I was busy practicing and got selected for nationals,” Deepak said.

“Soccer?” she inquired “You mean the National Soccer Team? Ain’t possible!” she said overawed.

“I tried to inform you but you suddenly disappeared from my friends list,” Deepak frowned.

“Orkut?” she asked to clarify. Deepak never expressed his thought clearly. Most came across half-communicated. “I deleted my Orkut profile.”

“Are you mad?” Deepak asked in genuine surprise. “Orkut is so much fun. There's a lot of girls there.”

“Stupid! What do I care about girls?” Ina said. “Everyday it's the same stupid questions 'Hello, can we be friends? What do you do? What's your age? Why haven't you uploaded your photograph.' It's a dating site more so than a social networking site. It's just not who I am.” Question mark after "photograph".

“Okay, no big deal. Are you shopping alone?”
Deepak looked around to see if anyone was standing nearby.

“Nope, my friend Nikita's here.” pointing to Nikita who had just put a gold ring on her finger and was stretching her hand out at the handsome vendor who looked uninterested Capitalize "pointing".

“Nikita? Do I know her?”

“Nope, you don't,” Ina said,.

His eye's at once focused on a Nikita wearing a short mini skirt that went up to her thigh at another stand. Deepak's eyes stared at Nikita hungrily. Ina well understood that she would be his next target.

“Hello? Deepak?” she said to interrupt. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” he said. “Why is she standing alone? Why don't you call her over?”

“Actually, she doesn't like to talk to stranger,” Ina lied.

“Stranger? But you know me,” Deepak whined. It was unsettling to see a tall, strong man like Deepak whine.

“Yeah, I know. Forget her, Deepak,” Ina said. She quickly changed the subject.

“Why are you in the mall?”

“Movie.” Deepak answer. He had a one track mine, though. The diversion didn't last long. “Your friend is gorgeous. Why don't you just introduce me?”

“No way! I know what's on your mind. Stop it!”

“It's not like that at all. I just want to talk to her.”

“You're lying. Why don't you go to your movie,” Ina countered.

“Who am I going to take – my fans? Does she have a boyfriend?”

Deepak's entire attention was on Nikita. Nikita, however, was oblivious to his eyes.

“I don't know,” she said.

“How can you not know?” Deepak insisted. “She's your friend. Is she single?” she continued with a small pause “you know
I’m single. I'm sure you can do something to help two single people meet each other”

Nikita finally glanced back at the two of them. Deepak continued to stare lustfully after her. Ina was sure Nikita had some idea they were talking about her.

“Deepak!” Ina said in annoyance. “Quit staring at her! You look stupid!”

“Don't you want your friend to get a good girlfriend,” Deepak frowned. “I'm sure she's made for me. I have the intuition that she's perfect for me.”

“Hello! Deepak, listen closely – none of my friends are made for you. Not a one! Do you understand?”

“You have so many beautiful friends. I'm sure one of them is for me,” he continued to whine again. “Please do something. I can't stand being single anymore. Look at me! Don't you feel pity?”

Ina, getting upset, looked at the floor. But tried to stick to the thought “None of my friends is for you. Don't even think about it.”

“You aren't my friend,” he pouted. “I knew it! It was a mistake to think you were.”
Ina knew he was trying to emotionally blackmail her, and she closed her ears to it.

“Deepak! For God sakes – stop it!

“I'm not good looking,” he frowned deeply. “that's why I don't have a girl friend.”

“Who told you? I sometimes wonder how smart you are, but any girl would die for a handsome dude like you,” she said.

“Believe me!”

“So, that's why I don't have a single girlfriend?”

“Girls aren't everything, Deepak.”

“There's nothing in life without girls,” Deepak sighed. “Life's dull and boring, no excitement. Just the same thing
everyday.”

“Deepak! Have patience.”

Ina glanced over to see Nikita disappear into a shop. She was probably frustrated that Ina was talking for so long with a boy. Ina was relieved that Nikita was out of Deepak's sights now.

“Patience? I've been waiting for almost twenty years. You say I should be more patient. It's all because of friends like you that I'm alone.”

“Me?” Ina said. “What did I do?”

“If you wanted you could have given me a girlfriend. You understand relationships. Your words are magical, and nothing is impossible for you. But you don't want me to get committed so what can I do,” he frowned.

“Uh,” Ina grunted. She was beginning to feel pity. The emotional blackmailing was working. She was caught in a whirlpool of emotional dialogue. Truly had said, People whose mind can't be dominated can be only won through heart gamest and indomitable heart can be won through mind games.

“OK, fine,” Ina sighed.

“Did you just say okay?” Deepak stuttered. He was expecting it sooner or later, but sooner had surprised him.

“But I have a condition for that,” Ina said.

“Condition? Deepak echoed. “I'd jump off a cliff for a girlfriend. I'll agree to whatever you want. But are you sure I'll get a girlfriend?”

“There's a ninety percent chance you'll get a girlfriend,” Ina said. “But...”

“Ninety-percent?” A big smile crossed his face. “I'll accept every condition. Give me my girlfriend!”

“First listen to my condition. Then you can decide.”

“There's no need. I just want a girlfriend, and that's all,” Deepak said.

“Okay, then. Meet me next time, and I'll make you understand the whole story,” she said.

“Next time?” Deepak stammered.

“Can you give me this much patience, Deepak?”

“As you say Guru Ina.”

“I will let you know the whole story behind dating girls when we meet again,” she promised. “But don't forget you have accepted all my conditions.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wow, I really liked this! The only things were the little typos, but other than that it was excellent. It was a good conversation and you characterized Deepak really well. He was funny. Good work using all the dialogue.



In dreams, we enter a world that's entirely our own.
— Albus Dumbledore