Oh, yeah, before I continue, I fixed chapter five's fighting scene [it's important to read it because, I think, it develops Ben's character and his relationship with Amy a lot and I want you to understand it before anything, er, happens this chapter]:
"I raised both eyebrows. "You don't know what you're talking about." Ben's mouth turned a grim line. He picked up pace, dragging me along with his arm. It hurt slightly. "Ben!" I muttered angrily. "Stop it!"
He looked down, his green eyes filled with something I couldn't understand. Everyone was far away now and I was all too aware of his breathing as he leaned down so we would be in the same height. "Amy, how do you want me to phrase this?" he asked, a tint of a plea in his voice.
I swallowed, trying to be coherent again. "Any way you want to," I mumbled at last.
Ben took a big breath. "Listen to me, no interruptions for now. You're alive. You don't have a right to be angry with people." He looked almost exasperated.
My hands curled together at my sides, my muscles rigid. I pressed my lips tightly together, letting him finish.
"Nobody does. You're so busy complaining about these little things, but you're not dying. You can't just…" His entire frame was shaking. He closed his eyes tightly. "I live with kids that have cancer. This is quite literally my home – a place where people die." He said the word harshly.
I touched his hand unthinkingly. At least he didn't pull back. His skin was soft and warm. He didn't move, eyes still closed. I tried to give him some hope, tried to hold onto it myself. "Not all people die," I whispered. I could hear my heart pound behind my ears.
Ben opened his green eyes slowly. Something new was added to them, something that scared me a bit. "I know," he said in a soft voice. "Look… just, just forget it."
I swallowed. His tone was scaring me. It sounded like he'd already given up. "No, I think you have a point. I know you do. But, it's just that you don't know the whole deal."
He took his arm off my shoulder as Ian and the others came near. I could hear their footsteps. "I don't have to," he said before entering the elevator, leaving me in the hallway.
For a second I wondered if I could move. I pulled my hand back, pressing it against my forehead. I could still feel the touch of his hand. I sighed, feeling tears choke at the back of my throat. I must have triggered something for him to burst out like that. A little voice sighed, frustrated, at the back of my head. Really, what did I expect? He was… I forced the thought out. He was dying. Me having these qualms at my life probably seemed very stupid."
Now for the chapter!
The party - chapter six
Ben looked around at the quiet room. He huddled inside the thick sweater. "Well, I got to go. Tests, you know." He grimaced. Everyone waved him off with an undefined goodbye. I looked away from his eyes, certain he didn't even look at me.
I sat at the corner, letting the others do all the talking. Faye smiled at me once in a while, and I hurried to smile back. The conversation quickly developed to what we were going to teach, Ian proudly leading the way. I rolled my eyes at his back. Nell caught me in the act and giggled.
I observed quietly how Anne clung onto Davy's arm, how he soothingly patted her back. Reluctantly, I started nodding to myself. They matched. It was like this perfect picture of a couple. But where did I fit in with that picture?
While I was still pondering that, Faye started pouting. It wasn't really pronounced at first, but then she said, "I'm getting pretty sick of this room. I haven't been out in ages…" She looked around at us expectantly, the expression puppy dog eyes being displayed in all its grandness. Ian chuckled softly, probably reminded of his own little sister.
"Do you want to be babysitter-ed?" Alex asked half jokingly.
"That's not even a word!" Faye protested. "And I am not a little kid anymore! I don't need a babysitter!" That sounded like Freddy. I nearly shuddered.
"It doesn't matter, Faye, 'cause I can't go out right now. I'm explaining. Be a good girl for just a bit longer." Alex turned to us, smiling apologetically.
Faye's big blue eyes were filling with tears. Oh, she was pulling the teary act as her last resort. "But I'm sick of it here! I want to see the hallway! They probably put the picture Nell drew on the wall, I want to see it!"
Alex seemed hesitant. "You know it's not healthy for you. If it's inside the hospital then that's okay, but there's no one to go with you…" She twisted her hands together on her lap.
I already knew what was going to happen. I knew Davy too well. I started counting down in my head: One, two, three… and, "How about I go with her?" Davy asked brightly.
I restrained a laugh. "That would… help." Alex grinned. She breathed deeply, seeming thoroughly relieved. She was so easy to see through.
Davy got up, shaking Anne's worried arm ever so delicately. I smirked openly this time. He held out his hand to Faye. "Here we go," he mumbled as they left the room. "Want a bar of chocolate?" We heard him offer as they disappeared in the hallway. I shifted around.
Anne coughed. "So… are the kids here, um, nice?" she asked in a feeble voice.
Alex nodded. "Very nice," she reassured her. She glanced at the door again, biting her lower lip. "Yes… they're very… hospitable. And…" She craned her neck to get a better view.
Finally I got up. I couldn't take it anymore – her not so secret searches for the two were too damn annoying. "You want me to go too?" I asked impatiently.
Alex chuckled, rubbing the back of her head. "I don't mean to be a pest… I just don't like having her out of my sight with someone I dist- um, I mean, someone that doesn't have medical… expertise?" Her voice was so hesitant near the end she turned it to a question.
I laughed, unable to stop myself. Ian laughed too. "Maybe you should go, Amy," he suggested through a smirk.
I punched his shoulder lightly. "I'll go, I'll go, don't worry your head off."
"Why?" Anne suddenly asked, tugging on her autumn hair. It was a cute gesture that she seemed unaware of. "Does Amy know better than Davy?"
I shot her a glance that silenced her. Baring my teeth in a slightly menacing way, I nodded the mean side of me taking over. It was a golden opportunity, a textbook opening, really. "Just a bit, see, I'm trustworthy. At least that's what I like to think, but as for Davy…"
Alex cleared her throat loudly. "Faye, Amy," she said sharply.
Anne's big eyes grew bigger, her soft mouth frowning. "No, I want to know what she was going to say."
I sighed, leaning down so we were on the same level. I didn't flinch when I met her eyes. "Anne, he cheated on me with my good friend at the time. Aka you. He did it to me." I grinned. "He can do it to you too."
Anne turned away. "Sorry for asking," she said harshly. "It was my bad for thinking you had anything valuable to tell me."
"Yes, it was your bad, wasn't it?" I threw her one last poisonous glance behind my shoulder and I was off. Wow, power plays. Been a while since I was in one of those.
I slowed my pace as I saw Faye and Davy in the distance. My heart started beating quickly again, but in the bad nervous way. Should I say hi? Or would a, I was sent here, be better?
Either way, it was inevitable. I took a big breath, trying to be brave, before walking up to them, but I stopped halfway through. I leaned on a white wall that led to another hallway, where they couldn't see me. Maybe just a few more seconds to catch my breath, try to look normal…
I peeked out of my hideout.
Faye rolled around on a wheelchair, holding a candy bar between her teeth. "What's the deal with you and Amy, anyway?" she asked as she ripped the colored wrapping on the candy.
"She told you?" Davy's voice sounded rather sheepish to me. I rolled my eyes. He should be more of a man.
"Nope." Faye spit out the remaining plastic in her mouth. She began to munch on the thin chocolate bar. "But it was completely obvious," she went on, rolling her eyes as she spoke. I gritted my teeth. "Did you see the way she flinched when you walked into the room with that other girl?"
I grimaced ruefully, wishing I hadn't been quite so obvious. So everyone noticed. Or maybe it was just Faye, that observant little rascal.
Davy chuckled nervously. "She did flinch, huh?" he cleared his throat. "It's just a pretty long story…" His voice trailed as he seemed more unwilling to continue. His hands automatically flew up to play with his dark hair. I shook my head at his old habit.
I leaned, resigned, against the white wall. Idiot! Of course that would interest Faye even more!
"I love long stories," she said while flashing her devilish smile.
Damned brats, both of them! I battled the urge to go and punch Davy. Long story my butt.
"Well…" Davy pursed his lips. I almost breathed in relief, but Faye decided to play dirty.
"I'll make Amy tell me." Her expression hadn't changed. She was staring at him without blinking, despite the lie. I made a face at her threat, though she didn't see it. Of course it was an empty threat. She was taking out all the cards.
This didn't seem to convince Davy. He ran a hand through his hair and just shook his head. I grimaced.
Faye sighed, folding both hands across her chest."I might die soon," she reminded him edgily. I held back a whistle of approval. All the cards, including the joker. I was a bit impressed, I had to admit.
This made Davy talk. Fast. "We dated for a year. She was new in town, and the first thing I did was ask her out on a date. I don't know why, I wasn't thinking straight." He paused to breathe. He folded his hands across his chest, probably choosing his words carefully. Bastard.
"Love makes people do stupid things," Faye muttered under her breath, and I could have sworn she was staring right at me. I recoiled from her blue eyes as if I was stabbed – it felt like I was. The big blue eyes flickered back to Davy. She leaned on the edge of the wheel chair, turning her gaze away. "Go on," she said in a bored tone.
Davy swallowed. "She met that girl you saw before, Anne, and they really hit it off. Only…" He frowned. "So did Anne and I."
"Oh," Faye called in surprise. "So you broke up with her! Is that why she hates your guts now?" It all seemed to make perfect sense in her little world. I balled up my hands to restrain from shouting. Not quite, you naïve little thing.
Davy cringed at the end of her sentence. "Not… really." He cast his eyes down at the floor. I reminded myself to breathe evenly. "I didn't, um, really… end it. So Anne and I started… well, meeting up, I suppose you could call it, behind her back." He smiled awkwardly. "Not the smartest thing to do." Davy rubbed the back of his head, staring at the spot above Faye's head. "She found out. And since then – we've been like this."
Faye stayed very quiet, her girlish face deep in thought that betrayed nothing. "How long?" she asked in a slightly curious voice.
"For about a year," Davy admitted reluctantly, "Not long before Amy and I were together."
She nodded once. I felt my heart sink as I took in a big breath. So that was over and done with. I usually did my best not to think about this subject. I growled internally. Now even Faye knew. That sucked.
I was about to go over to them when Faye turned her torso around as far as it would go, making me hesitate. "Ben!" she cried shrilly, "Babysit me!"
I was surprised at first that she would say that, because she's the one who really hated the term, but then I noticed the slightly hysteric edge to her voice. Something was wrong. I walked up to them, quicker than I would have liked to. "Hey, guys," I said lamely.
Faye's head shot back to look at me. Her blue eyes were burning with something. Davy jumped. "Oh, hey, Amy," he said in a small voice.
I grimaced, shooting him the most annoyed glance I could gather. This glance was my expertise; it could make the average person want to hit me. I flexed my hands. Too bad I couldn't hit back if that happened.
Ben made his way down the hallway, his mouth a tight line. He was wearing a white sleeveless shirt that accented his arms. They were almost back to normal now, and he seemed to be flexing his bicep. He looked…. I couldn't believe it, but he strong. The image of the tall thin teenager in my head just didn't add up.
Ben looked at Davy as he answered Faye's request. "Sure." He took the handles of the wheelchair, all the while he did not turn his eyes away from Davy.
"Ben?" I asked hesitantly. He turned slowly to look at me, the deep green eyes suddenly gentle. My face paled. There was more of that feeling-sorry-for-her look in his eyes, the look I've been seeing almost everywhere. Lots more of it. I groaned out loud, smacking his shoulder. "Aww, don't give me that look!" I complained.
Ben's face didn't change expressions. "Is it true?" he asked quietly.
He'd heard. No helping that now. I tried for a weak smile. "Yeah." I stood there, feeling annoyingly helpless, wishing a pit would open up and swallow me. Davy seemed to be longing for the same thing, though he didn't look like he fully understood what was going on. His brown eyes turned to slits as he examined Ben. His gaze was not friendly.
Ben looked from me, to Davy, and back. His mouth dropped, forming a little O shape. "That makes more sense now, why you were mad before," he allowed.
I laughed shakily, doing my best to ignore Davy's presence by my side. It wasn't going very well.
This seemed to trigger something in Ben's face. He suddenly turned down to look at Faye. She was looking wary, taking in our every word eagerly. "Cover your ears," he said through his teeth. She opened her mouth to complain, but he cut her off. "Please." He didn't look like he was in the mood to argue.
I folded both hands across my chest, wondering what was next to come. Faye followed the order grudgingly.
Ben glanced at Davy again, his hands balling up at the handles. He looked like he could really punch him. I watched guardedly as he took a step forward. "You bastard," he said in a soft, shaking voice.
Davy raised his eyebrows, eyes opened wide. It seemed like a very childish expression, but I knew him enough to tell that he just didn't know how to react. An "Am not" would really be out of place.
I wished I could see the rest of the fight, I really did, but this couldn't be good. "Ben, let it go." I walked forward, pushing Davy back a step with my hand. It wasn't a rough shove, but he was so surprised he stumbled. I half grinned to myself. "It's okay. I got this."
Davy's eyebrows twitched. "What you meant is you're giving me hell all on your own, right?" He took a stubbornly folded his hands.
I nearly growled, spinning around to face him. "What did you say?" I was over sensitive about it, I could tell, but only because he hit the mark and he knew it.
"Of course people would take your side of things," Davy said heatedly, his voice slowly building into a shout.
"No one took my side of things," I said furiously.
"You're the one who's hurt here, right?" Davy's eyebrows pulled down as he started yelling. "And I'm the monster who has no feelings! How do you think it feels walking around and knowing that everyone stares at you, thinking you're the bad guy?!"
"The same way it feels to be me!" I exploded at him. The anger was hot inside me. My entire frame was shaking. Ben reached out a concerned arm but I ignored it. "Butt out!" I snapped at him. "I was cheated on here!" I turned sharply to Davy again. "This is your fault! You did this to us! If you hadn't – if you hadn't done that, none of this would've happened!"
Davy stood there, his face offended as if he was the victim here. I wanted to hit him. I gritted my teeth together, attempting one last go at self-control.
Ben walked up behind me, putting a hand on my shoulder. His grip was firm. This surprised me for a moment – that was good, he was recovering nicely, then, right? Not that I knew anything about medicine, but if he looked as healthy as he did now… But in seconds I was back in the battle field mode. I shrugged from under his arms.
"Stop it," Ben said gently.
Tears were fighting their way down my cheeks. "No," I insisted, struggling against the sudden lump in my throat.
Davy threw his hands up in frustration. "I get it, I hurt you, I heard you the first ten times, but geez, move on –" He looked me straight in the eye, his expression growing angrier and angrier.
Besides the anger there was something else twisting his face, something I hadn't noticed before. I blinked the tears away, wanting to see it more clearly. He was genuinely hurt by the entire thing, his eyes red-rimmed as if he was fighting back tears. Whoa, tears were definitely a red line for him. He must've been keeping it inside for some time now. I felt all the antagonism drain from me. He'd been in pain all this time, then, just like me. Davy had been in pain because of me. I wasn't sure if it hurt more than it was gratifying.
"– It's not like I even did something that bad! We dated, it didn't work out, sorry – what else do you want me to say?" he continued, oblivious to my silent revelation.
"Why her?" I whispered. The words slipped out before I could stop them. "We were friends. All of us. Why… Wasn't I enough? I don't get it." I didn't want to say these words, I just wanted to make him regret it like I did before, but suddenly there was no more fighting spirit inside me.
This stopped Davy's anger tantrum. He sagged back, his cheeks flushed. He looked down at the floor. "It just happened," he admitted. "Didn't mean for it to. Neither did she. It just… happened."
My hands balled up, a lump in my throat. My eyes stung with tears. "It just happened?" I repeated in a trembling voice. "You mean, you just happened to meet up with her behind my b-back, you h-happened to be with her that night, your lips only happened to find hers –" I was bawling, both hands trying desperately to wipe my cheeks. "You simply happened not to tell me all that time. You only happened to say you l-l-loved me, you just happened to l-lie all th-the time!" I started crying out loud now, not being able to stop.
All the hurt that I'd been so busy repressing washed over me now, stronger than ever. Along with it came the embarrassment of breaking like this in front of these three, the rejection I was feeling over and over again. A little voice in my head kept up fluent streaks of curses and 'he's not good enough for you's, but it didn't do much good, because I loved him. I loved him so much. And he loved her. But that wasn't what hurt me. If it was only that then I'd be able to walk away, be a respectable loser in all of this. No, the real catch was that I had him, he was mine. And somehow, things got screwed up along the way.
Faye slowly took her hands off her ears. "Ben," she said quietly, "I think you should help Amy up."
I hadn't even realized I was leaning my head on my knees against the floor. Ben put his arms against my shoulders and lifted me slowly. I stood wobbly. "Thank you," I mumbled through my tears.
"Sure," he smiled warmly at me, his smile seeming brighter than the sun itself. It was probably just the tears that made it seem that way, but for a second I was really awed. Then he turned around and punched Davy in the face.
Davy cursed, touching his lip as blood began to pour out of it.
"You're lucky that I just got my blood sampled," Ben muttered angrily. He put one arm around my shaking shoulder, his other hand holding Faye's wheelchair. He turned his head around one last time, grinning. Cockishly. "Next time, I'll break your jaw."
"Sure you will," I muttered under my breath. Ben laughed as we walked away.
Faye looked thoughtful as she stared up at us. "He would." She grinned at me. "He's a tough guy, Amy, I've seen him do sit-ups before he goes to sleep."
Ben only shrugged.
I huddled myself closer to his side, forgetting he was a stranger I met only yesterday. I needed the comfort right now. It felt like every word Davy had said was like a new knife that was stuck in my heart now. For some strange reason, the tears were accelerating. This wasn't the place to think it through. I did my best to stifle my cries. I stumbled by his side blindly, until I finally noticed that Faye wasn't with us anymore. "Faye?" I sniveled.
Ben touched my hair with his free hand, playing with a loose strand. "Just me. Disappointed?"
I could hear the smile in his voice. Without being too aware of my actions, I buried my head in his chest. "Not at all," I whispered, drying my tears. He smelled nice, like a rose without the sweetness in it, and it was nice and warm inside his arms.
He kissed the top of my head. "Sorry." His voice was barely a whisper. "For before."
I shrugged, feeling completely placated. He really seemed to understand now. "Okay."
I cleared my throat when I noticed people passing by were staring. "We should go," I said, not wanting to free myself from his embrace. It pleased me to see that he was just as unwilling.
He pursed his lips. "How about I buy you a soda?"
I laughed. My voice was steady, at the very least. "Sure, but why a soda?"
Ben grinned as he pulled me to the right direction. "Because orange soda can make the world a much better place," he said. I could only see the back of his shaved head, so I wasn't sure if he'd meant it or if he was just kidding, but I still followed.
If only things were so easy.
I think the glance thing was enough]
