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This is really long! :D

Autumn leaves are falling,
whirling spiraling down.
Only to be tugged by wind,
before they touch the ground.

Trees are explosions of color
Everyday shorter than the last,
Summer is only a memory,
The warm sun dwells in the past

Apples are red and glossy,
Pie a welcoming sight,
As thanksgiving draws near,
The first frost comes in the night.

A fine layer of frost coats the world.
Then, a blanket of white.
As the temperature drops,
Comes the fear of frostbite.

The wintry world is iridescent
icicles sparkle like jewels.
Children march in from the cold,
leaving snow melting in pools

icicles drip in the sun
snow becomes slush once again
Instead of snow comes rain,
Spring has come, amen.

New growths start to appear,
turning the world to green.
Another shower approaches,
washing everything clean.

Flowers open in the sun
soaking up the light.
Only closing their petals,
at the touch of night.

Soon the petals fall away,
death by summer's heat.
They live only for as long,
as a dieing heart can beat.

Summer's blistering heat,
drives all to the shade.
Waiting for the rains,
but spring has faded away.

The dry, unmoving air,
lacks moisture's relief.
a cooling breeze is welcomed
but alas, it is only brief.

The dog days of summer,
last only for a while.
Like the seasons' progression,
an adult grows from a child.

Any ideas for a title? Reviews appreciated.




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I like most of this poem
A fine layer of frost coats the world.
Then, a blanket of white.
As the temperature drops,
Comes the fear of frostbite.
I just don't like this stanza, well mainly that last two lines. I would change the last two if i were you.

sorry i couldn't come up with a title, but for a piece like this i think it just needs to be two contrasting words.

Hope this helped
'I have loved to the point of madness, which for me is the only true way to love'
~Francoise Sagan




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I think "The Seasons' Progression" would be a decent title for this.

Overall, the rhyme felt very obviously contrived in a lot of places, especially the "amen" line. You also had uneven line lengths which made the rhyme sound off. Making sure that the rhyming lines have the same number of syllables is an easy way to make sure you don't have lines that are too long or short. For example, the stanza "The dry, unmoving air, / lacks moisture's relief. / a cooling breeze is welcomed / but alas, it is only brief." would be better as "The dry, unmoving air, / lacks moisture's sweet relief. / A cooling breeze is welcomed / but, alas, is brief." This way, you have 6/6/7/5 syllables in each line, which is uneven, but if you were to write it out as a rhyming couplet, you'd have 12 syllables in each line, which is even.

Your punctuation was a bit iffy in places, especially at the beginning. I suggest you look at it more closely. It may help to write your poem out like regular prose to check.

You had a couple of really good images, but, for the most part, your imagery struck me as pretty bland and common. I think it might be a better idea in the future if, instead of making rhyming poems, you practiced on creating unique imagery that will wow your readers. Right now, I feel that making things rhyme is holding you back.

Overall, this wasn't a bad poem, and I actually thought it was pretty cute. I hope you keep writing poetry, and if you have any questions, feel free to PM me anytime.
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
Princessence: A LMS Project
WRFF | KotGR



The fellow who thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us who do.
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