The Death of Rai Thames

Note: This is set at the end of a novel I'm thinking about writing, so it will be confusing.

The cuts on his arm were bleeding. Rai remembered the words of his former master:

"Never let a drop of blood leave those marks, Master Thames." Too late for that now.

The sky wasn't the usual toxic orange. Instead it was blue. Clear and dazzling blue.
Rai looked to the sky for one last time, and said to himself the words that would be repeated throughout the city, and throughout the world.

"A new age is coming."

He died.

Rai could see her. The One He'd Lost. She smiled at him, and he smiled back. The One He'd Lost extended her hand, and Rai took it.

Then they walked away together.

Honestly, I'm not sure what to make of this, or what you wanted feedback on. For one, it's so short, and, for another, since it's the end of the novel, there's so much that happened before that I don't know. It does have a sense of finality to it, but aside from some punctuation nitpicks that are more personal preference than anything, and that calling the woman the One He'd Lost makes me wonder if she had a name and if her sole role in the story was to be the dead loved one, there's nothing much I can say.

Maybe if you included a summary of the rest of the story, you'd be able to get more feedback? At the least, it would give a reviewer a sense of why this ending is such a fitting or significant ending.

Hello, Skorp! *shakes hands*

So, I’ll say right of the bat that Kyllorac is dead on. But I understand what you’re trying to do, at least I think so. I’m the type of person who likes you read the last page of every book that I read before I even start it. And this would be an ending that would grab my attention in some ways and turn me away in another.

I’ll start with the bad which is simply how sparse it is. I mean, this is wrapping up something that was monumental. And because this is so monumental, wouldn’t you want to really give it a lot of meaningful description. Another thing that bothered me was using the “One He'd Lost” instead of a name. It almost seems like you couldn’t come up with a name.

But I do like the sense of finality that this does give off. This says, “Well we’re done with the story, here. No need to stick around. Go on, get on with your life. Have fun. Shoo!” Which is a good thing, especially if this is supposed to be an ending.

I can’t really say whether this is great or not just yet though. You need the rest of the story to know for sure just how good this is. Anyways, happy writing!

~lilymoore