I've Tried To Write You Ten Thousand Times Before

I can tell you you're beautiful: your eyes, your smile
The way your hair barely touches the back of your neck.
But you'd never believe me from all the lies I've left you with,
The lovers I promised were friends, and songs really about him.

I've hurt you with the dreams I've locked inside my head
of marriage and trust, you were the one love I really had.
And when we were happy, we were perfect, we lived without regret
In the morning all relaxed, watching you as you slept.

But now you're gone, I swear to god, it's all my fault.
I was stupid, you meant everything, but still I couldn't answer when you called.
So here I lay drenched in tears, a product of my actions
While you bleed on the floor of your apartment and I can't help but wonder...

Why would I be so self-destructive as to ruin both our lives?

Hello there
This was an interesting piece I was actually worried when I started reading because I thought it was just one of those 'love poems', but it surprised me a lot. There was a lot of deep emotion pouring out of it.

So here I lay drenched in tears, a product of my actions

This was my favourite line.
Good job.
Ziggie

Hello Words!
Okay, overall, this was a wonderful poem. In fact, there was only one thing, one line, that I was really confused about, which sort of ruined the poem for me because I couldn’t stop wondering about this line:

The lovers I promised were friends, and songs really about him.

I don’t know, but I don’t understand this line.


Otherwise, you had a great story here. And that’s what poetry is: storytelling.
I would just recommend thinking about that line up there. Maybe I missed something. I’m not sure. But that line just got to me. *head/desk*

Keep writing!

~lilymoore

Yeah, thanks LilyMoore!

This was kind of just a quick outpouring of emotion and I sometimes fail to realize when I do that I don't explain who I am or what I do.

Basically here's the story behind it:
I cheated and wrote songs about other people and lied about for whom they really were.

Thank you for the critique!
And thanks everyone else.