All of Us.

We all need destruction.
We all need to pick up the remains of our lives and put them back together.
We all try to live in the ruins of our past,
However burnt-down or washed out they may be.

We all hate the hero,
Hate the suspect,
Pity the victim,
Shun the wrong-doer.

We all copy the original.
We all try to stand out,
But looking at the world from the moon,
We are all just puny little ants, scattering throughout the day.

We all fade away.
Some people's demise more glorious than the last, than the next.
We all fall, hoping to be picked back up.
We all get let down, rejected.

No matter how weary or weak we may become,
We all strive to find that last bit of energy,
So we can watch our whole lives, and the lives of others,
Go to waste, and burn before our very eyes.

We want the world to burst into flames,
Out of the blue, just combust.
We all want the world to end, tragically, I might add.
We all want a definite answer, but are too scared of the truth to even consider it as a possibility.

We all want the universe to crumble,
For infinity to be the greatest myth.
We all want to die.
All of us.

Hmmm this poem has a very cynical view of today's society, but it is unfortunately an accurate view. They say that art always somehow reflects the society in which it is created, and I think your poem does that very well. My favorite part is the second stanza, great parallel structure, and those ideas very much stick with me. Keep up the good work.

Hullo there, street rat. Cute sn. Alright, on to the critique, here we go.

First Impression: Okay. The first thing I am going to point out, I wanted to tell you so bad that I almost stopped midway through reading your poem for the first time to start my reply right away. This is it:
The name of your poem is "All of Us." You write the phrase 'we all' more than ten times in your poem, and just the pronoun 'we' even more than that. But that's not all, I cannot reason why you thought it would be a good idea; Why on earth did you finish this with the anti-climactic line:
................. (wait for it) ..... (Wait for It.) ............................ "All of Us."
Ok, obviously that was a bit much. I am not trying to be mean, but I am also trying to unquestionably communicate to you something that will almost always ( but not as a rule. ) separate good poetry from bad poetry.

I have some questions. In the first 2/3rds of this poem, the voice has a definitely dark quality, but it's not entirely self-destructive. By the time you close the final stanza, all hope in any form of redemption is entirely and utterly abolished.
Well, ok. You're allowed to write about anything you want, but you leave the reader wondering why this is the philosophy/perspective of the voice/author, and why that is, and why they should at the very least respect it. I can respond purely as a writer, be completely fair in my response to whatever it is that you choose to write about - and still think that your poem lacks a lot of reason.
What quality does it have that would interest me enough that I should read it again, or share it with others? Is there anything that gives it meaning and value to me, the anonymous reader? What are you really trying to tell me, because as far as I can tell so far there is no genuine point to this? Pure destruction, a notable thing - but not so much when this poem seems to me like something you wrote to express some frustrating emotion and to blow off hot steam. And, also...I am really sorry. I keep coming off as a total whiney jerk lately. My bad for reading and critiquing when I should be sleeping.

Otherwise, what's really funny is that I like your writing style very much. It's classy, 'cept for the boring repetition of we we bla blah bla. It's note-worthy that you could do without, if you only put more time into a better and more creative solution. It's actually a lot of fun and very satisfying. It really can give you a whole new understanding, altering your perspective can. But a lot of the times it takes terrible and great circumstances as well, not just whatever goes on in your own head.

I can't wait to see what you write when you have your form stylized and perfected. Keep writing!!

At your service,
Mandorelute

Blackbird12, thank you for your encouraging comment.

And Mandorelute, thank you for your criticism, although some felt like you were throwing salt on my raw flesh, but it's alright. I rather enjoyed reading your comment. Are you a professor or writing major or something to that extent? I realize my poetry doesn't fit your personal liking when talking about form or whatever, but as you said, it's my writing, I'll write what I want or need to blow off some steam. And the fact that I used "we all" more than I used the phrase "all of us" was on purpose, to make it sound more dramatic at the end when I did, in fact, use that specific phrase. You don't really need to critique everything about another person's work, do you? I understand you are trying to make me a better writer, but do you have to be so harsh? You don't sound like a whiney jerk, just a jerk. I never asked you to print out a copy and share my work with others, nor would I expect you to even consider it. But, thanks anyways. I'll try to remember every single thing you said.

And by the way, I wrote these about 6-7 months ago, so my writing has improved, but you didn't know that, did you?

This poem, it rings a lot of truth, StreetRat.

The structure is lovely and the word choice is simple which makes the whole poem really accessible.

We all hate the hero,
Hate the suspect,
Pity the victim,
Shun the wrong-doer.

This was probably my favourite part because it’s so simple. The only thing that sort of made me look away was the use of ‘hate’ twice so near one another in the first two lines. But yeah.

What I really liked was how the additude of the poem seemed to go from bad to worse at things are going. It shows a lot of truth and a lot of talent.
Keep writing.

Oh, and don’t forget to check out the Welcome Mat and introduce yourself to YWS!

~lilymoore

Hi StreetRat.
Your poem was well-written and well-structured. A little too cynical for my taste, but good regardless. It's true, it's honest, and it's thoughtful. Not many poets achieve that, so good job.
I like the last line, how it sort of ties everything together and gives a sense of unity to the poem.

We all want the world to end, tragically, I might add.

I don't like that line, though. You could do without the "I might add". It makes the line read clumsily.
And I agree with Lily, about the use of hate twice so close together.

Good job. I'd like to see more of your work.

Thank you both for your comments. I put the words "I might add" after "tragically" because I wasn't originally going to put the word "tragically" in there. You see what I'm saying. So I literally added it in there. Haha. But thank you both, very much.