Awake

Just a song I came up with one night when I couldn't sleep at all. Writing it helped me fall asleep. Hopefully you won't fall asleep reading it.

"Awake"

By NiteStrike

I Am Awake
I can’t seem to dream
The heat kills me
and the guilt tears at the seams

With every breath
I can’t stay still
Diving into this load of turmoil
Drives one to kill

I Am Awake
My heart is torn
and I can’t seem to shake the feeling
That I am naught but a fake
A sham, a con, I cannot be anything more

Just a glance from her is all I ask
It seems just to make her smile
Is the hardest task
Her eyes are the most intoxicating
She sets me free
But every moment with her
seems to slowly kill me

I die each day she is not in my arms
Yet I cannot shake the fact
We will never be
I hate this feeling, oh so much
I wish I could just disappear
But I could never abandon the ones I love
For I need them near

With every breath
I can’t stay still
Diving into this load of turmoil
Drives even the most disciplined to kill

Soo. . . I like this. The beginning I didn't understand that this was talking about a girl then bang, A girl appears. Interesting. . . the rhyming works, but I noticed that it doesn't have a chorus. That's not bad because not all songs have a chorus. Good Job, Wesey!

Hi there NiteStrike
This poem definitely shows some potential. I can feel what you feel . But there is something that gets me confused as it progresses,

But every moment with her
seems to slowly kill me

I die each day she is not in my arms
Yet I cannot shake the fact
We will never be

So, what you mean is that you 'die' each day she is not with you but equally when she is with you? Hmm, well...if I put it that way than that's pretty deep, I like that.

With every breath
I can’t stay still
Diving into this load of turmoil
Drives even the most disciplined to kill

That was my favourite stanza. Maybe it is because I am afraid of the words Which is a good thing.
Keep writing hey.

it is good
but i didnt really make me go wow i think you need to add more mystery to this song