Cicada

Fable glistens on your lips,
strangely troubled, young as fire,
sacrificed unto desire;
it unrests with dealt forbearance,
deathly spirit, happy vengeance,
and forgiveness of the past, -
after all, the truth will last,
forged deep into the night:
spoken for, courageous, right.

FlyingInEbony wrote:strangely troubled, young as fire,
sacrificed unto desire;

I really like this line! It creates such vivid imagery into my mind and create an amazing mix of fire and darkness in my head!

Thank you very much for this pleasure

I'm off to read your other works now, you seem really talented! :]

Hi,

I definitely enjoyed reading this. However, I wasn't sure exactly what I was reading? Why did you title it Cicada? What does it have to do with Cicadas? I liked the images you provided, but there was no explanation. I can only assume that this was on purpose and that you meant to be vague. This comes across as an abstract. I don't know what you are aiming for, but if it's not supposed to be abstract, you might add more detail or explanation. Otherwise, nice job!

Sarebear

FlyingInEbony wrote:Fable glistens on your lips,
strangely troubled, young as fire,
sacrificed unto desire;
it unrests with dealt forbearance,
deathly spirit, happy vengeance,
and forgiveness of the past, -
after all, the truth will last,
forged deep into the night:
spoken for, courageous, right.

Hi! I'm here to review, although I'm not that good. But I'll try my best.

So... first, about the title. Cicada? I wonder why you titled it Cicada, because I can't find something related to it on the poem. Maybe, on my humble opinion, the word has a meaning for you. Anyway, I will make no more further questions.

It's a nice poem, although it's very short. I think your very clever on your use of words, adjectives, etc.

Good job! Keep it up!

-darkangel_05

Hey there!

First, this poem was good, in terms of imagery. It forms a vivid picture in the reader's mind.

However, the question (and the poem's main problem) is the message you're trying to send to the reader. The title is 'cicada,' but it doesn't seem to be about a cicada. And good imagery does not make a good poem.

However, this has potential. You just need to clarify what you're trying to tell us.
Keep writing!

Gorgeous wording! Although, I do agree with this:

Lil_Pau wrote:Hey there!

First, this poem was good, in terms of imagery. It forms a vivid picture in the reader's mind.

However, the question (and the poem's main problem) is the message you're trying to send to the reader. The title is 'cicada,' but it doesn't seem to be about a cicada. And good imagery does not make a good poem.

However, this has potential. You just need to clarify what you're trying to tell us.
Keep writing!

A title is what captures the reader and also shows what the writer is trying to convey. But, on the flip side I know I've put a random word as a title for filler since titles can be terribly tricky--if that were the case for this.

Regardless, beautiful work!