A Penny for Your Thoughts

I have a bracelet made of your face
Twelve, for twelve cents
Five dollars if you are welded
And worn

I hope you bring me luck
A penny for your thoughts
How cliché
I can be

I wrote about you today
And how you freed the slaves
Frederick Douglass, bless his soul
He was already free

And here you are
Off my wrist as I type
I’m paranoid and like to keep things
Shiny

Too bad your dead, or dying off
This honesty business
Has worn out
Like a penny from 1976

hello
Im the first to comment...well I'm afraid I still have to be quick.
I liked your poem, and some of the words you used were descriptive
and interesting, but it's very disjointed and i cant see any rythm or
thread to follow and it was very hard to understand, maybe try
to help the reader by making it easier to read and let them know
what you are trying to say.
But, with a bit of work, I think this could be a really great poem, I like
your style and originality.
Hope this helps,
xox
T

This was interesting, and you had some good imagery going, but it was really too disjointed to really appreciate. There's no apparent connection between the items you mention, which leaves me mystified as to what you were trying to write about/say in this poem.

The sparse punctuation in this didn't irritate me as much as such usually does, which was good. You had enough that what you wrote was understandable, and the line breaks were well-placed.

Overall, the format of this is fine, but the ideas presented in this need connecting.

Great poem, and great style. I love the way you never really say what you are talking about, but you still make things clear. However, you do tend to jump from one thought to the next without any pretense.

Maybe to make it clearer as to what the poem is about, I'll just tell you.

I have a bracelet made of your face (I have a bracelet made of Abe Lincoln's face)
Twelve, for twelve cents (This bracelet is composed of twelve pennies)
Five dollars if you are welded (I paid five dollars for this)
And worn (The pennies are literally "welded and worn")

I hope you bring me luck (I consider this bracelet lucky)
A penny for your thoughts (I appreciate its value as a good luck charm)
How cliché (Good luck charms are cliché and that bothers me a little)
I can be (I recognize this)

I wrote about you today (I wrote about Abe Lincoln today, hence Abe's face on a penny)
And how you freed the slaves (And how he freed the slaves)
Frederick Douglass, bless his soul (This line is literal)
He was already free (As is this one)

And here you are (The bracelet is indeed there)
Off my wrist as I type (I'm typing with it off my wrist)
I’m paranoid and like to keep things (I don't want it to scratch my computer)
Shiny (I want to keep it, and the penny bracelet shiny)

Too bad your dead, or dying off (It makes me sad that Abe is dead)
This honesty business (Honest Abe, get it?)
Has worn out (A little social commentary here)
Like a penny from 1976 (Obviously a penny from 1976 will look old, just like the pennies on my bracelet)