That FALL Day Prologue

Prologue




I truly did love him, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to tell him.



He had slowly made his way into my heart.

He was my best friend, my next door neighbor, the boy who mowed our lawn, but most of all he was the love of my life.

My first love and you know what they say you never forget your first.

He was my one but me being me let love go by. There he stood pouring his heart out to me on our front lawn, and how did I react you ask? Yeah I did what any normal lovesick puppy would do. I turned the sprinklers on him, yeah I'm quite the charmer.

There are many love stories out there most are way cliché. You have Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde, and Jack and rose. What do they have in common? The endings suck! Well they are love stories nonetheless. So without further ado here's me, Fay and this is my story. Call it a story of love, a story of torture, a story of pure gloominess, call it what you will I don't care point is it's mine. Anyway here's where it all began.

Your prologue is okay, but it doesn't really pull me, as the reader, in. It's missing the vital 'pizazz'. Besides that, I have some nit-picks.

You are missing a lot of commas.

My first love , and you know what they say , you never forget your first.

In the 5th paragraph, you have some extra sentences and words that you don't need. When you say:

There he stood pouring his heart out to me on our front lawn, and how did I react you ask?

The 'you ask' part just makes the sentence seem childish. Also, you can get rid of the 'yeah'in the next sentence.

I just have one more thing to say in this paragraph. When you say

I turned the sprinklers on him, yeah I'm quite the charmer.

You can get rid of the comma and 'yeah', replacing them with "'cause".

In the next paragraph, two sentences have caught my attention.

Well, they are love stories nonetheless. So without further ado here's me, Fay, and this is my story.

I haven't read the next chapter yet, but I think this could going somewhere!

Good luck!

What I like about this is the use of ''Him'' in the opening sentence. No name, but something more personal. The issue I have with it is this :

So without further ado here's me, Fay and this is my story.

It reminds me of a speach or an essay not a story; no offence, just seemed a little out of place to me. Try a few different ways of trying to express that point and you may come out with a solid prologue
Welldone, I look forward to more!