There's No Need To Yell

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A/N: Short story practice. Tell me what you think. :)

I’m bleeding. I look down at my hand and see the red streaks of already drying blood I wiped from my nose. I’m also completely and utterly surprised. I didn’t expect to get hit. I didn’t see the blow from the hand with too many rings before it hit me square in the face and caused me to lunge sideways towards the tile with my arms stretched out before me. I look back down at my hand to see the blood has dried. It honestly happened. He’s hurt me and now I’m bleeding from my nose.
How did this happen? One minute we’re having laughs walking hand in hand down the hallway and the next, I’m sprawled on the floor with a bloody nose. I still haven’t stood up. I’m still sitting on the ground facing the floor. The blood from my nose is dripping onto the clean white tile and it’s already started a puddle. Has he noticed?
Of course he’s noticed. He probably has my blood on his knuckles. And he’s yelling.
Why hadn’t I noticed until now? He’s cursing at me at the top of his lungs. He’s telling me I’m the lowest piece of crap he’s ever dealt with. He’s telling me I’m worthless. He’s telling me I’m a slut. He’s accusing me of this because I cheated on him.
But I didn’t.
“The whole fucking school knows about you and that piece of shit!” he yells, “How dare you fucking lie to me? I asked you about that party and you said nothing happened! Answer me, you bitch!”
I didn’t do anything. That guy came onto me and I politely told him that I had a boyfriend I wouldn’t trade for the world. I told him I had a boyfriend who loved me more than anything and would absolutely die if I cheated on him. I told him he couldn’t do anything with me.
“I don’t know why the hell I put up with this shit! You’re such a slut! What did I ever see in you?” he yells.
I look back down at the floor and see that the blood has grown a puddle big enough that my hands are now right in the middle of it. I pick them both up and stare as my blood drips from them. I have to wash up. I need to get out of here.
“That’s it!” he yells. “Don’t ever fucking talk to me again and you better hope to God that I don’t ever see you in the halls here at school, you fucking whore.”
He has no right to tell me what I am or am not. I didn’t do anything. He has no reason to tell me all this if it isn’t true. My mouth opens slightly and I taste my blood, spitting it out onto the puddle. That was disgusting. I didn’t have to taste that if he hadn’t hit me.
I stand up, keeping my gaze down until I’m standing fully and then I look at him. What did I ever see in him? He’s stupid for thinking I cheated on him. Where did he get his facts from? His ex? He’s the whore. He flirts with my best friend when he doesn’t think I’m looking. Who does he think he is? And I didn’t lie.
His hands find their way to my shoulders and he pushes me back. I hit the lockers behind me and I wince because the handles on them press into my back and it hurts more than I can say. Of course, it doesn’t hurt worse than the punch. I look down and my hair covers my face. What should I do?
“What are you going to do?” he echoes back. I move my hair out of my face and stare up at him. He has a cocky smile on his face. He thinks he’s won. He thinks I can’t do anything.
I kick him in the groin.
He convulses and leans forward, his head coming close to me. It won’t hit me though. I pick up my arm and swing, hitting him on the side of his head between his eye and his cheek, right where his cheekbone is. He falls to the floor and groans loudly. I kneel down next to him and smooth back his hair, keeping my hand on his head.
“Baby?” I whisper, “There’s really no need to yell.” I stand up and kick him in the stomach, hearing his guttural groan escape the lips that I’ve kissed so many times. I look around me to see that a crowd has gathered. Isn’t that nice?
I start to walk and the crowd makes a nice little passage for me as I make my way to the front doors of the school. Just before I reach the doors I stop. I turn around and see that people have helped my now ex so that he’s in a sitting position and he’s staring at me. I smile and spit out blood that entered my mouth when I spoke to him.
“And baby?” I say, “Go to hell.”
The two most engaging powers of an author are to make new things familiar, and familiar things new.
Samuel Johnson

I'm not sarcastic, I'm simply verbally ironic.
Me




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This was really cool! I didn't seem to find anything wrong with it, but I'll leave the nitpicking to the better reviewers. Anyways, this was...this was good. I loved the end, but if there is one thing I could say, it's possibly that this is a little short. It sounds like it's from something bigger, because it starts off out of no where, however sometimes thats good, it's just you never seemed to round off the story in a way I could finally tell where they were, like the settings. But I might be completely wrong with that opinion, so I'll just leave it at that. Goodbye, and keep writing!
Most people see what is and never what can be. - Albert Einstein




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Hello there!


Characters:
I like how you keep your MC fearless and strong. She isn't a whiner or doesn't ask for help. They are believable. The man actually scares me. hee-hee. And why students helped the boy instead of your MC? Anyways, your MC's cool. She isn't just those ordinary girls when punched by their boyfriends. :wink:

Others: Okay, I'm gonna go to the punching part. This action holds the story. I like how you describe the blood and the puddle it makes. But I really want to know the physical feeling and pain of your MC. How's her stomach? her mouth? you should definitely show us the pain that your MC is having. :wink:

Overall, I really liked this. This is really good. Your spellings are perfect and punctuations are good. :D

Oh, I almost forgot, please rate this 12+ or 16+ for swearing. :wink:

Keep writing!

Peace out! :smt004

_yuri_
"Life is a poem keep it in the present tense." -Sherrel Wigal




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Hey Diane!

I felt like your piece was apart of a bigger story. It was good, nonetheless.

I found your MC's reaction interesting. It was as if she was analyzing what was happening before she reacted. The fact that your MC only spoke two sentences was dynamic and whatever editing you do to this short story, keep that part the same.

Others before me have said that your beginning was a bit out of the blue which is fine, but I feel that you're missing out on an opportunity for further characterization on the part of your antagonist. What you've shown us is the typical. He's an ignoramus, he's violent and possibly needs mental help, and he has trust issues. But what is he like when he isn't angry? Does he put on a show of being a "nice guy" or does he not bother?

Also, it's important that we (the readers) feel what the main character is feeling. She was surprised at this sudden outburst. We should be surprised too. Maybe you start the beginning of the story off with him telling a joke (this also gives us hints about his personality) and then he suddenly stops laughing and asks her if she's cheating on him. Just a thought.

Finally, what are your character's names? This kind of bothers me. Nameless characters tend to be quickly forgotten, at least for me.

I'll leave the grammatical nitpicking to someone more qualified :)

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