What he said to me

What he said to me

He said "You can’t come
If you’re not all willing"
And he said to me
"Don’t come"

He said "You can’t speak to me
If you don’t tell the truth"
And he said to me
"Don’t speak"

He said to me "You can’t think of me
If your dreams aren’t pure"
And he said to me
"Don’t think about me"

He said "You can’t touch me
If you’re not true
And he said to me
Don’t touch me

He said "You can’t hug me
If your arms dont truly grasp for me"
And he said to me
"Don’t hug me"

He said "You can’t kiss my lips
If you are not in love with me"
And he said to me
"Kiss my lips"
"Kiss my lips"
"Kiss my lips"

He said "You can kiss me
If you are in love with me"
And he said to me
"I love you"
"Kiss my lips"

He kind of said, I couldnt have him
but I took him, because i love him

And I kissed his lips

Hi, I'm Freak.

I really like this poem, but it is really unorganized. It's cute and whatnot, but you need a lot of help with your punctuation and grammar.

Let's start at the beginning:

He said you can’t come
If you’re not all willing
And he said to me
Don’t come

So, this stanza is missing some things; at least that is what I am thinking, because you can't read this by itself without having to read it again. You are probably missing quotation marks and a comma ("He said, 'You can't come if you are not willing."). OK, and do this with the the other half of the stanza and the other ones too, because this happens with each other them

He said you can’t hug me
If your arms doesn’t linger for me

This should be, "He said, 'You can't hug me if your arms don't linger me.'" You should take out the "Me" in the end or replace the "For" with an about. But if you mean like, her wanting to hug him as "Lingering" you should change it (maybe to, "Grasp for me." Something like that).

He said you can’t hear my voice
If you don’t truly believe
And he said to me
Don’t listen to my voice

This sentence doesn't make so much sense where it is right now. What I mean by this is that in the poem she has to listen to him, after all he is giving her this whole lecture.

Anyway, the ending is kind of confusing, because throughout the whole poem you are talking about how she doesn't love him - that's the feeling I get - but all of a sudden they are kissing because they are in love...yeah. Confusing.

Good poem over all. I would like to this in its best form. PM me for anything please!

Ooh, Thanku.. i see my mistakes now, i get a little carried away when i write so i dont have time to think, but i will look it through

Haha! Noo, she loves him..
The thing is, HE is unsure if she really loves him, HE doesnt dare to let her in, HE keeps her out, but in the end he really wants her and wants her to kiss him and she does, because she DO love him... Well.. yeh that was my point with this x))