Let Me Love You(15)

Chapter 15

He ran his fingers through her soft, sandy hair. They then lowered to her jaw line and cupped her chin. She was beautiful in the morning light, no make-up, no hairspray or glitter, just her. Gary kissed her forehead as his hand slowly worked it’s way down to her swelling abdomen. She had whispered in his ear through out the night, they’ll never let me sleep; he felt some what left out. Gary yearned to feel their small kicks. He laid his hand gently on Isabella’s stomach; the babies made slight movements as if they too were groggy and still stretching from their restless sleep. Isabella groaned and tried to roll over for a more comfortable position, but it was too late. Sleep had been stolen from this princess.

“Merry Christmas, sugar.” Gary kissed her cheek once she had adjusted to look back up at him.

Isabella groaned in response; with the lack of sleep she had received and the urge to pee, she was feeling quite miserable. She snuggled into Gary’s protective arms and tried to get comfortable, but the pushing upon her bladder became too much. Sighing, she got up and went to the bathroom.

When Isabella came out of the bathroom Gary called her into the living room. The douglas fir tree standing in the corner was barely taller then Gary. It’s fat limbs were saturated with lights and ornaments. Each of them glittering and golden. Gary dimmed the lights, so that the tree lights shined brighter. She smiled and sat on the cushy couch with her feet up. Gary kissed her forehead and went to take a present from under the bulging tree.

Isabella took it from Gary’s hands. His smile was broad and shone through his lips; fulfillment and happiness emitted from him. Beneath the purple and silver wrapping paper was a picture frame. The silver frame engulfed a picture of Isabella with her mom as a small infant. On the left side there was room for another picture; indicating it should be of her and their children. She smiled and swung her feet to the ground, so Gary could sit next to her.

“Gary, where did you find this picture?” Her hands were trembling.

Gary laid an arm around her shoulders and said, “Jay gave it to me. Do you like it?”

Her voice was soft and low, “I love it. Thank you.” My mother… She looks so happy… I wonder what happened? She reached up to kiss his cheek.

***

Through out the morning Gary and Isabella exchanged gifts. It was a happy morning, filled with giggles and smiles, but Isabella’s mind couldn’t be taken away from that picture.

As the time got closer to one o’clock they hurried around the house to clean up and make sure everything was ready for their Christmas dinner, the first one Isabella had ever cooked. Isabella’s face lit up when she opened the door and Destiny and Joe Don were standing in front of her.

“Guys come on in. I’m so happy you came.” Isabella smoothed out some wrinkles in her shirt and followed them into the living room.

“Hum, it smells good in here Belle. I’m guessing that means Gary didn’t cook,” Joe Don smiled, giving off some holiday humor.

Gary came in from the kitchen, wiping his hands on a paper towel. “Hey, I heard that.” Joe Don just wishes he could cook as good as I can. He smiled.

Joe Don smirked and sat down on their welcoming recliner.

“We would have been here sooner, but Miss here didn’t sleep at all last night. So, this morning she didn’t want anything to do with Christmas.” Destiny said setting down the car seat, which Sara had fallen asleep in.

“It’s okay. You have perfect timing we just got done in the kitchen,” Isabella replied, smiling down on Sara in her little red christmas dress. When the twins are born I’m going to dress them in such the cutest clothes, maybe a little tux and a sweet Sunday dress… Oh I just can’t wait.

“Well, I’m going to call Jay and see where he’s at. Just make yourselves comfortable.” Gary walked back into the kitchen, pulling his cell phone from his pocket. That boy is always late for something.

“Maybe we should wake her up. I don’t want her to not sleep again tonight… Then she can take her nap while we eat dinner,” Destiny stated in a questionable tone, looking at Joe Don.

“Sure babe. Whatever you think’s best.” Joe Don replied, yawning.

Once Destiny lured Sara out of her sleep and calmed her down with a pacifier Isabella reached out to hold her. Sara snuggled into the crook of Isabella’s arm and smiled. The aroma of baby powder and baby shampoo filled her nose. Isabella traced her finger along the sweet, little baby’s cheek. She could hear the soft sounds of suckling on the pacifier.

So sweet, I wouldn’t want her to sleep. I would just be thankful to hold her and caress her. I’m sure my attitude will change… when the twins are born. She kissed Sara’s tiny forehead and rocked her back and forth in her arms.

“Aw, look. She likes you. I’m so glad she does. Yesterday when Joe Don’s brother and sisters came to the house she-” Destiny was interrupted by knocking on the door.

Gary came back in closing his cell phone and opened the door.

“Hey, I’m sorry that I’m a tad late, but I had to pick up Kandy from the airport,” Jay said, taking off his jacket.

Oh great, he brought Kandy. I forgot to tell Belle. Hopefully all will be civilized, it is Christmas. Gary took their jackets and hung them on the coat rack.

“Time to eat, come on into the dinning room you guys.” Gary helped Isabella off of the couch once Destiny took Sara from her arms.

They followed the rest into the dinning room, Isabella’s arm snug around Gary’s waist. Dinner was eaten in peace, and no comments were made between Kandy and Isabella. Once dinner was over, everyone congregated into the family room and turned on the television for some football. Gary felt as though this would be a perfect time to get her alone.

I know the last time was atrocious, but Lord please … (sighs) please let her love me. Gary silently prayed as he wrapped a blanket around Isabella and led her to the front porch and pulled the front door shut without a squeak.

“Gary, it’s freezing out here, what are you doing?” Isabella asked, wrapping her arms tighter around the plush blanket and resting them on her tummy to keep warm. Her teeth were chattering.

Looking at her breath as she spoke, Gary prayed another silent prayer as he slowly bent down onto one knee.

Oh no… this is happening again. Please don’t let me make the same mistake. I should have said yes. My heart knows it, but will my mind tell me something different? Isabella bit her lip.

“Isabella Hope, I have loved you ever since my innocent eyes laid upon you. You’re like an angel. You often leave me speechless with your love and care. I don’t just want you to be my wife, but I need you to be. Belle… will you marry me?” Gary asked holding out the original ring, he shook from the inside out

Her heart was racing, thumping against her chest. Please, let me have faith. This is the right thing to do. He loves me for me… He really does. Isabella nodded with tears flooding her vision as he slipped the diamond ring encased in white gold on her slender finger.

Gary stood up and held her tightly in his arms. He watched each snowflake fall silently hitting the ground as her tears soaked through his sweater. Kissing the top of her head, Gary’s heart beat with joy, beating now for her and those twins for eternity.

Heya!
Here to review

I haven't read the first 14 chapters of this, so I will most likely suck at reviewing this. I will definitely try my best though!

Chapter 15

He ran his fingers through her soft, sandy hair. His fingers I don't really like the repetition of his fingers her. You can simply say, They then moved on to her jaw. lowered to her jaw line and cupped her chin. She was beautiful in the morning light, no make-up, no hairspray or glitter, just her. Gary kissed her forehead as his hand slowly worked it’s way down to her swelling abdomen. She had whispered in his ear through out the night, they’ll never let me sleep; he felt some what left out. Gary yearned to feel their small kicks. He laid his hand gently on Isabella’s stomach; the babies made slight movements as if they too were groggy and still stretching from their restless sleep. I liked this for some reason... Isabella groaned and tried to roll over for a more comfortable position, but it was too late. Sleep had been stolen from this princess.

“Merry Christmas, sugar.” Gary kissed her cheek once she had adjusted to look back up at him.

Isabella groaned in response; with the lack of sleep she had received and the urge to pee, she was feeling quite miserable. She snuggled into Gary’s protective arms and tried to get comfortable, but the pushing upon her bladder became too much. Sighing, she got up and went to the bathroom.

When Isabella came out of the bathroom, Gary called her into the living room. The douglas fir tree standing in the corner was barely taller then Gary. It’s fat limbs were saturated with lights and ornaments. Each of them glittering and golden. Gary dimmed the lights, so that the tree lights shined brighter. She smiled and sat on the cushy couch with her feet up. Gary kissed her forehead and went to take a present from under the bulging tree.

Isabella took it from Gary’s hands. His smile was broad and shone through his lips; fulfillment and happiness emitted from him. Beneath the purple and silver wrapping paper was a picture frame. The silver frame engulfed a picture of Isabella with her mom as a small infant. On the left side, there was room for another picture; indicating it should be of her and their children. She smiled and swung her feet to the ground, so Gary could sit next to her.

“Gary, where did you find this picture?” Her hands were trembling.

Gary laid an arm around her shoulders and said, “Jay gave it to me. Do you like it?”

Her voice was soft and low, “I love it. Thank you.” My mother… She looks so happy… I wonder what happened? She reached up to kiss his cheek.

***

Through out the morning Gary and Isabella exchanged gifts. It was a happy morning, filled with giggles and smiles, but Isabella’s mind couldn’t be taken away from that picture.

As the time got closer to one o’clock, they hurried around the house to clean up and make sure everything was ready for their Christmas dinner, the first one Isabella had ever cooked. Isabella’s face lit up when she opened the door and Destiny and Joe Don were standing in front of her.

“Guys come on in. I’m so happy you came.” Isabella smoothed out some wrinkles in her shirt and followed them into the living room.

“Hum, it smells good in here Belle. I’m hoping that means Gary didn’t cook,” Joe Don smiled, giving off some holiday humor.

Gary came in from the kitchen wiping his hands on a paper towel. “Hey, I heard that.” Joe Don just wish he could cook as good as I can. He smiled.

Joe Don smirked and sat down on their welcoming recliner.

“We would have been here sooner, but miss here didn’t sleep at all last night. So, this morning she didn’t want anything to do with Christmas.” Destiny said setting down the car seat, which Sara had fallen asleep in.

“It’s ok. You have perfect timing, we just got done in the kitchen,” Isabella replied, smiling down on Sara in her little red christmas dress. When the twins are born, I’m going to dress them in such the cutest clothes, maybe a little tux and a sweet Sunday dress… Oh I just can’t wait.

“Well, I’m going to call Jay and see where he’s at. Just make yourselves comfortable.” Gary walked back into the kitchen, pulling his cell phone from his pocket. That boy was always late for something.

“Maybe we should wake her up. I don’t want her to not sleep again tonight… Then she can take her nap while we eat dinner,” Destiny stated in a questionable tone, looking at Joe Don.

“Sure babe. Whatever you think’s best.” Joe Don replied, yawning.

Once Destiny lured Sara out of her sleep and calmed her down with a pacifier, Isabella reached out to hold her. Sara snuggled into the crook of Isabella’s arm and smiled. The aroma of baby powder and baby shampoo filled her nose. Isabella traced her finger along the sweet, little baby’s cheek. She could hear the soft sounds of suckling on the pacifier.

So sweet, I wouldn’t want her to sleep. I would just be thankful to hold her and caress her. I’m sure my attitude will change… when the twins are born. She kissed Sara’s tiny forehead and rocked her back and forth in her arms.

“Aw, look. She likes you. I’m so glad she does. Yesterday, when Joe Don’s brother and sisters came to the house she-” Destiny was interrupted by knocking on the door.

Gary came back in closing his cell phone and opened the door.

“Hey, I’m sorry I’m a tad late, but I had to pick up Kandy from the airport,” Jay said, taking off his jacket.

Oh great, he brought Kandy. I forgot to tell Belle. Hopefully all would be civilized, it was Christmas. Gary took their jackets and hung them on the coat rack.

“Time to eat, come on into the dinning room, you guys.” Gary helped Isabella off of the couch once Destiny took Sara from her arms.

They followed the rest into the dinning room, Isabella’s arm snug around Gary’s waist. Dinner was eaten in peace and no comments were made between Kandy and Isabella. Once dinner was over, everyone congregated into the family room and turned on the television for some football. Gary felt as though this would be a perfect time to get her alone.

I know the last time went atrocious, but Lord please … please let her love me. Gary silently prayed as he wrapped a blanket around Isabella and pulled her on the front porch and pulled the front door shut without a squeak.

“Gary, it’s freezing out here what are you doing?” Isabella asked, wrapping her arms tighter around the plush blanket and resting them on her tummy to keep warm. Her teeth were chattering.

Looking at her breath as she spoke, Gary prayed another silent prayer as he slowly bent down onto one knee. I liked the way you worded this sentence Oh no… this is happening again. Please don’t let me make the same mistake. I should have said yes. My heart knows it, but will my mind tell me something different? Isabella bit her lip.

“Isabella Hope, I have loved you ever since my innocent eyes laid upon you. You’re like an angel. Often you leave me speechless with your love and care. I don’t just want you to be my wife, but I need you to be. Belle… will you marry me?” Aww... I wish I knew boys like that... Gary asked holding out the originally ring, he shook from the inside out [color=#FF0000].[/color] I'm not sure what you were trying to say here. Try rephrasing it maybe?

Her heart was racing, thumping through her chest. Please, let me have faith. This is the right thing to do. He loves me for me… He really does. Isabella nodded with tears flooding her vision as he slipped the diamond ring encased in while gold on her slender finger. Gary stood up and held her tightly in his arms. He watched each snowflake fall silently, hitting the ground as her tears soaked through his sweater. Kissing the top of her head, Gary’s heart beat with joy, beating now for her and those twins for eternity.

Overall

Obviously, I can't comment on character development or anything like that because I haven't read the first fourteen chapters of this. Because of that, I probably won't be able to give you a very good review. Like I said before though, I'll try my best! I definitely enjoyed reading this. Some of your descriptions were very nice, especially near the beginning. Your characters were rather entertaining and what I can grasp of the concept of the story, I really like. Your grammar was pretty good, except for the odd comma here and there. Your spelling was also perfect and I am liking your writing style, as well.

My main critique is that I kind of feel that this is a bit rushed at times. For example, when they are eating at the dinner table. I think that it would be more effective if you have a discussion by the dinner table. For example, by the sound of it, that Kandy character and your MC have issues with each other? You could have maybe included some small glares towards the two character and some subtle, nasty comments. I know you said that they didn't fight, you could have put a bit of fierceness in it though. Also, when Gary proposed to your MC. I did like that part, I just think that you could have maybe displayed your MC's emotions a bit more. Well, I'm assuming that she's your MC, anyway! Do you get what I mean?

My only real nit-pick is your grammar. As usual, the commas are the problem! I'm terrible at commas myself, so I can't say much. Basically, you sometimes miss out commas when they are needed and I noticed that you also included unneeded commas at times. That's okay though, all you need to do to improve this is practice your writing. The more you write, the better your grammar will become. Even though you had the odd comma problem, the rest of the grammar in this seemed to be pretty much perfect. You didn't have any problems with any other grammar marks. All of your periods were in the right place, except for one, I think. You used semi colons correctly as well, so well done for that!

Overall, this was definitely good! You had some nice descriptions and I think that it was also very interesting. There are a few things that you could improve on, as I've pointed out, but this clearly has potential. I can't really critique this properly, obviously. What I can grasp about this story though seems good. All that you need to do is take into consideration what I've said and edit this up a bit. If you do that, you will ahve a really great piece of writing here!

Keep writing and good luck!

xoxo Skins

Thank you so much for the amazing review And I just have a question isn't it always in present tense when a character is thinking?

*Ignore this post* For some reason my review posted twice*

“Hum, it smells good in here Belle. I’m hoping that means Gary didn’t cook,” Joe Don smiled, giving off some holiday humor.

I believe you meant, "guessing". "I'm guessing that means Gary didn't cook. Now it makes sense with what follows.

“We would have been here sooner, but miss here didn’t sleep at all last night. So, this morning she didn’t want anything to do with Christmas.” Destiny said setting down the car seat, which Sara had fallen asleep in.

I'm not sure what you meant to put there, but I'm sure it wasn't that. Just a troublesome area that you can quickly address.

“It’s ok. You have perfect timing we just got done in the kitchen,” Isabella replied, smiling down on Sara in her little red christmas dress. When the twins are born I’m going to dress them in such the cutest clothes, maybe a little tux and a sweet Sunday dress… Oh I just can’t wait.

"ok" is capitalized. as in "OK" or you can use this form, "okay" which would actually work better here since it is being used to reassure someone. Also, you misspelled Christmas. Hehe, my mother used to dress me up in suits as a young two year old. I looked so professional.

Gary came in from the kitchen, wiping his hands on a paper towel. “Hey, I heard that.” Joe Don just wish he could cook as good as I can. He smiled.

You were missing some commas where there were natural pauses.

“Hey, I’m sorry that I’m a tad late, but I had to pick up Kandy from the airport,” Jay said, taking off his jacket.

They followed the rest into the dinning room, Isabella’s arm snug around Gary’s waist. Dinner was ate eaten in peace, and no comments were made between Kandy and Isabella. Once dinner was over everyone congregated into the family room and turned on the television for some football. Gary felt as though this would be a perfect time to get her alone.

I know the last time went was atrocious, but Lord please …, please let her love me. Gary silently prayed as he wrapped a blanket around Isabella and pulled led her on to the front porch and pulled the front door shut without a squeak.

I suggested a way to omit one of the "pulled"s in that paragraph. The repetition was redundant.

“Gary, it’s freezing out here, what are you doing?” Isabella asked, wrapping her arms tighter around the plush blanket and resting them on her tummy to keep warm. Her teeth were chattering.

Looking at her breath as she spoke, Gary prayed another silent prayer as he slowly bent down onto one knee. Oh no… this is happening again. Please don’t let me make the same mistake. I should have said yes. My heart knows it, but will my mind tell me something different? Isabella bit her lip.

Who's thoughts are those? If they're Isabelle's you should bring them down a line.

“Isabella Hope, I have loved you ever since my innocent eyes laid upon you. That word really isn't needed. You’re like an angel. Often you leave me speechless with your love and care. Reversing those words will make it more effective. I don’t just want you to be my wife, but I need you to be. Belle… will you marry me?” Gary asked, holding out the originally ring, he shook from the inside out.

What the heck is an "originally ring"?

Her heart was racing, thumping through her chest. "Though" isn't the best word to use there. Something like, "in" "against" "beneath" or whatever would work better. Please, let me have faith. This is the right thing to do. He loves me for me… Not sure what you mean by that. He really does. Isabella nodded with tears flooding her vision as he slipped the diamond ring encased in while gold on her slender finger. Again, that makes no sense.

Gary stood up and held her tightly in his arms. He watched each snowflake fall silently hitting the ground as her tears soaked through his sweater. Kissing the top of her head, Gary’s heart beat with joy, beating now for her and those twins for eternity.

I separated Isabelle's and Gary's perspectives for you.

Thanks

It's not done yet, I just posted it so I wouldn't lose everything if the window closed out on me. It's happened several times as I was reviewing, and ticked me off in the process. Having to start over a review, brutal.

I'm sorry

I really liked it! I didn't see any errors. Plus I think the previous comments covered all the mistakes, so yeah. I was wondering about the phrases that were in italics. Are they the personal thoughts of the main character? (I find nothing wrong with the italics. I'm just confused.)
I love your description and adjective use! You are really good with that. I think you could make a really awesome poet. (If you haven't already written poetry) Anyway, after reading this chapter, I'm going to have to go back and read the whole thing because I'm really curious about the plot, and you just wrote it so well that I wanted to read more. Keep writing!

Rascalover wrote: Gary asked holding out the original ring, he shook from the inside out

One thing. I didn't understand this sentence. Does it refer to some time earlier in the novel that I haven't read?

-Emily

Hi there Tiffany. Sorry it took me so long to review your story but I thought the story would be a bit more clear if I read the first chapter. And it worked. Althiough I don;t know what exactly happened but Gary and Isabelle are together.
So onto the review now:

He ran his fingers through her soft, sandy hair. They then lowered to her jaw line and cupped her chin. She was beautiful in the morning light, no make-up, no hairspray or glitter, just her.

Nice description!

Sleep had been stolen from this princess.

I liked this quote and plus the whole paragraph. You described everything so perfectly that I could picture everything in from of my eyes!

“Merry Christmas, sugar.” Gary kissed her cheek once she had adjusted to look back up at him.

The movements here seem a bit rushed and a also weird in terms of their construction. Just revise them!

Gary dimmed the lights, so that the tree lights shined brighter.

I ain't sure if 'shined' is a word or not. If you're sure it is, then please let me also know. . Otherwise it should be 'shone'.

The silver frame engulfed a picture of Isabella with her mom as a small infant.

If its an infant then its understood he/she is small. So you should delete 'small' here.

As the time got closer to one o’clock, they hurried around the house to clean up and make sure everything was ready for their Christmas dinner, the first one Isabella had ever cooked.

Joe Don just wishes he could cook as good as I can. He smiled.

I like this guy's confidence or over-confidence!

“It’s okay. You have perfect timing, we just got done in the kitchen,” Isabella replied, smiling down on Sara in her little red christmas dress. When the twins are born I’m going to dress them in such the cutest clothes, maybe a little tux and a sweet Sunday dress… Oh I just can’t wait.

That boy is always late for something.

Shouldn't it be 'everything' here instead of 'something'?

Once Destiny lured Sara out of her sleep and calmed her down with a pacifier, Isabella reached out to hold her.

“Isabella Hope, I have loved you ever since my innocent eyes laid upon you. You’re like an angel. You often leave me speechless with your love and care. I don’t just want you to be my wife, but I need you to be. Belle… will you marry me?” Gary asked holding out the original ring, he shook from the inside out

There should be a full-stop after 'out'.

Her heart was racing, thumping against her chest. Please, let me have faith. This is the right thing to do. He loves me for me… He really does. Isabella nodded, with tears flooding her vision as he slipped the diamond ring encased in white gold on her slender finger. This was ncie!

He watched each snowflake fall silently, hitting the ground as her tears soaked through his sweater.

Kissing the top of her head, Gary’s heart beat with joy, beating now for her and those twins, for eternity.

WOW! I can say that this was the best line in the whole chapter. I loved it. Eternity seemed to be the very word to be here.

Wow! I haven't read other chapters except for the first one, so I would be comparing this one a bit with that. I can definitely say that your writing has improved a lot after the first one. This was cute, the mother thinking about her twins all the time, and Gary being protective and caring towards her. And also, the description part was way too better here than the first chapter. You expressed their feelings properly.

I also loved the italics thoughts you gave to the characters. You wouldn't believe that I was dying and waiting for these kind of views to come here in this chapter.

There are two-three things I would like to say though:
Your commas in chapter one were perfect and I commented you on that. Also, you helped me a lot on commas on my story so you are definitely aware of the rules of putting it, but here you just seemed to be missing it. You need to pit commas so that the reader gets time to breathe and for your sentence to make sense. So take care of it from next time.
As like Skins mentioned, the dinner scene seemed a bit of rushed and you could definitely have added more things like what they were eating and how was the decor. Who liked what, or anything you imagine. just think about that!
I would love if you can give a strong personality or a portrayal to Destiny. That would also be interesting to read. Ignore this if you have done so before!
Then other thing is physical description of the characters. Even though you must have done that before, in some chapters where you are talking about a character's hair or eyes, tell their colour(just an example) That makes the reader glued to the seat. At least I am glued!


Overall, this was much improved but your comma thing deteriorated, so work on that. maybe you just did't proof-read it. I'm liking the story and I'm definitely going to read each chapter even though its gonna take time. And twins? Thats so exciting! also, I'm excited to know how come Belle is so calm on seeing Jay, and also who's Kandy(though I have an idea. )

I liked it, adored it and what else can I say? I would shut up now for the benefit of all.

Next time you want to get the work reviewed or when you post more, drop in a request at my Will Review For Food column or simply PM me. Though I would prefer the former!

Flying off for then and would be surely back on the next chapter!

Hey, Rasca, here as you requested! Because I haven't read the previous 14 chapters of this, I'll just nitpick the grammar.

It’s fat limbs were saturated with lights and ornaments, each
of them glittering and golden.

Gary dimmed the lights, so that the tree lights shined brighter. Isabella smiled and sat on the cushy couch with her feet up.

His wife took it from his hands. He formed a smile that was broad and shone through his lips; fulfillment and happiness emitted from him.

As the time got closer to one o’clock, they hurried around the house to clean up and make sure everything was ready for their Christmas dinner, the first one Isabella had ever cooked. Her face lit up when she opened the front door and Destiny and Joe Don were there.

“Guys, come on in! I’m so happy you came.” Isabella smoothed out some wrinkles in her shirt and followed them into the living room.

“We would have been here sooner,” said Destiny, setting down the car seat in which Sara had fallen asleep in, “but little miss here didn’t sleep at all last night. So this morning she didn’t want anything to do with Christmas.”

“It’s okay. You have perfect timing: we just got done in the kitchen,” Isabella replied, smiling down on Sara in her little red christmas dress. When the twins are born, I’m going to dress them in such the cutest clothes. Maybe I’ll clothe them in a little tux and a sweet Sunday dress… Oh I just can’t wait.

Oh great, he brought Kandy. I forgot to tell Belle. Hopefully all will be civilized: after all, it is Christmas. Gary took their jackets and hung them on the coat rack.

Great job! I enjoyed reading this. You are a great romance writer.

-Madz