Hello, I'm LastPaladin and I can't agree at all with what people say. I've prayed and hoped wouldn't have to jump in and comment like this, but everyone praising this because of shape but ignoring one fact which just peeves me to no end. It has no substance, the idea is slightly original but it's not really explored this poem could be so much better if given the chance to breath and not be limited by arbitary shapes.
The idea you have is used rarely if at all, but you don't even begin to touch on the potential of this, insisting instead be bland and generic. It doesn't make me feel anything, doesn't change my life, it doesn't even have anything that stands out to me, other than the shape.
I want to help you though, and make ya understand you have a unique and great idea here, but you just never grasp how powerful an idea it is. Don't limit yourself to a boring shape, instead make the poem powerful, another stanza or two could save this, but you'd need to move the ending about.
I really hopes this helps.
