Body and Spirit

There are two different places,
where you're body and spirit find they're faces,
both with they're information in separate cases,
where they work at they're own paces.



Body is amazing with it's own unique parts,
using each to make inventions and one of a kind arts,
the hands and brain draw the pictures,
to find out when they're idea starts.



Spirit is the power to you're abilities,
the spirit can produce your realities,
it connects with you and me,
making both of us to become freely.



People keep asking questions about where you go when you die,
some with they're religions for the gods they won't deny,
man made two places called heaven and hell,
the question to the answer they shall not tell.


My thought on where you go,
depends on where your spirit wants to show,
look for a river that has your flow,
and you will go to the places where you're body can't follow.


There is no heaven or hell,
there is no magic to cast good or evil spells,
the only place that exsist,
is the place you love,
and you're spirit won't resist.

I like this. Very spiritual and very true. Great job!
You also did well with the rhyming it didn't sound cheesy or forced at all.

Mira

There were some parts of this poem that I really liked and I loved how they rhymed, for example:

Thane wrote:People keep asking questions about where you go when you die,
some with they're religions for the gods they won't deny,
man made two places called heaven and hell,
the question to the answer they shall not tell.

The rhyme seems natural in that part and it flows really well. It might be easier if your poems have pairs of lines that rhyme rather than four lines that rhyme.

There were a few problems I found, and I thought it would be easier to just write them into the poem itself, so here it is:

Thane wrote:There are two different places,
where you're your body and spirit find they're their faces,
both with they're their information in separate cases,
where they work at they're their own paces.



Body is amazing with it's its own unique parts,
using each to make inventions and one of a kind arts,
the hands and brain draw the pictures,
to find out when they're their idea starts.



Spirit is the power to you're your abilities,
the spirit can produce your realities,
it connects with you and me,
making both of us to become freely.(supposed to be "free"? I would change to "setting both of us free" or "and sets both of us free.")



People keep asking questions about where you go when you die,
some with they're their religions for the gods they won't deny,
man made two places called heaven and hell,
the question to the answer they shall not tell. (Answer to the question?)


My thought on where you go,
depends on where your spirit wants to show,
look for a river that has your flow,
and you will go to the places where you're your body can't follow.


There is no heaven or hell,
there is no magic to cast good or evil spells,
the only place that exsist exists,
is the place you love,
and you're your spirit won't resist.

Overall, I would recommend choosing a rhyming pattern before you start writing so it stays consistent throughout the piece, and maybe try a more solid subject rather than something abstract. Just keep writing!

~Amylith

Though I do not agree with the statement I think it is a fairly good poem. But, your rhyming scheme is all over the place. You need to be more consistent or not consistent at all. Wish I could help more.

A. S. – don’t listen to a thing I say I am just pretending.