Fustration

I was 8 years old.
I was a young man who became frustrated fast. Life was difficult.

I used to get angry, mad and sad.
I used to try to do things.. and if it is hard and if I couldn’t do it I would get frustrated.

If I couldn’t do it I used to say,
“I don’t want to live anymore.”

I used to get frustrated everywhere I went. I had no control over it.

I went to a therapist.
Now…I feel better since I have talked to someone because she understood me and cared.

By, Joshua Rivera

Hey Josh!
That's an interesting poem. And I like the topic too! Frustration is something a lot of us can relate to. However, I'm sure how you experienced it would be quite different from what I experienced. I think if you made this poem more personal, by adding in little details it would be more enjoyable. For example, what was the therapist like? What were the therapy sessions like? Right now in your poem you're telling me everything rather than showing me. There's a clear difference between the two. Rather than telling the reader that the speaker is sad, you can show us. Why not elaborate on the frustration itself? What does this frustration feel like? Does the speaker feel like breaking windows and pulling out his hair? If so, include that, rather than just simply stating he's angry or mad.
Another thing, in poetry you don't have to have full sentences the way you do in prose. While you're free to make that choice if the poem asks for it, it is not necessary, and often drags down a poem. Right now this poem seems more like prose, rather than poetry. Keep reading lots of poetry and keep writing! Like I said, I like the theme in this poem. It has a lot of potential. Good luck! If you have any questions feel free to PM me.

And welcome to YWS, Josh! Great to have you here.

Hi Josh,

Welcome to YWS! I'll be your reviewer for today. First of all, I agree with mizz about showing rather than telling. Take the first line. You come out and tell the reader

I was 8 years old.

What if you phrased it in a more poetic way. Maybe:

"Only eight
and already
an old man"

You don't have to take that, but see what I mean?

I used to try to do things.. and if it is hard and if I couldn’t do it I would get frustrated.

Here you mixed up tense. You meant: "I used to try to do things.. and if it was hard and if I couldn't do it I would get frustrated."

Instead of telling the reader about how you got mad, show us a scene or give an example. Similes and metaphors give work extra meaning as well.

I went to a therapist.
Now…I feel better since I have talked to someone because she understood me and cared.

This is kind of a brusque ending. Why not tell us about the therapist. Maybe tell us how her kind eyes absorbed your anger.

Overall, I don't know if this is a true narrative. Even if it isn't, try to put yourself in someone with those problems' shoes. Write from the heart, and remember to show not tell. This is a great topic. Keep writing!

Sarebear

First, welcome to YWS!
Second, I agree with what mizz-iceberg said: poetry isn't just writing a couple of sentences down, slapping them together and going 'there, I'm done'. As she said: try to show a bit of what and how you felt at the time. Play with the structure and the flow of your words: sometimes a line break will change the perception of the poem, and how people will read a particular line. Have fun with it!

that is a good poem , my only problem is that you were not very descriptive, you got your point across yes but you maybe could have been more descriptive. other than that it was a good poem, keep up the good work:) and usually talking to someone helps