Idealistic vs. Reality

She's smart and independent
She's pretty and kind
She accells and acheives
She has lots of friends
And a busy schedule
And is satisfied with life
She doesn't exist
But she's who I want to be
She's every girl's dream

I'm moderately smart
And I'm independent but not by choice
I'm not that pretty but I think I'm kind
I have lots of friends
But none of them understand the real me
I may not accell
But certainly don't fail
I may have a busy schedule
But I am not satisfied with life
I do exist
But... no one dreams of me

erm, tisbe sad, and, well....wrong. Still, it definitely captures something about the shittiness of this society, because I know a trillion people who could have written this, word for word.

Yup, i totally agree. It definitely shows how crappy this world is, BUT (oh no, here it comes!) I think the flow of the poem could be a lot better. There's no real rythm to it and I think you should change the way you phrased some parts, especially this part:

She accells and acheives
She has lots of friends
And a busy schedule
And is satisfied with life
She doesn't exist


It was flowing before then, but when you suddenly say She has lots of friends it breaks the rythm. Still, I love how you finally put what the world thinks of itself onto paper!!! (oh yeah- none of your friends understand you? I'm hurt.)