Not Even For Love

She tapped her pencil on the desk
and stared at the clock
waiting for the day to end.
she wanted to be home
instead of there
were he was.
A boy sat in the back
and stared at the girl
he wanted to talk
so he could understand
why she ended their relationship
he missed her
As the bell rang she ran
and tried to get away
she didn't want to talk
it would just bring more pain
she loved him
but was too afraid of what others thought
He was a nobody
that didn't fit in anywhere
the jocks hated him
and the geeks thought he was stupid
he didn't belong
She ran through the halls
pushing people out of the way
hoping to get away
she could hear him
his footfalls echoing hers
he grabbed her wrist
She tried to get away
but she stopped
when he said those words
"I Love You"
She felt her heart break
she loved him too
She could never say it
She didn't want to be a nobody like him
She turned around
and slapped him
and told him with a sneer
"Why would I love someone like you"
His heart broke
and tears fell
he let her go
and she walked away
while people laughed at him
He thought she loved him to
but apparently not
he turned around
and walked the opposite direction
They avoided each other around school
during the years they forgot about their love
and memories faded
as did love
just another messed up love story
That ended in tears
because of one stupid girl
that couldn't let go of her popularity
not even for love

Phoenix lands for a review.


Phoenix lands for a review.

she want to be home
instead of there
were he was

wanted

A boy sat in the back
and stared at the girl
he wanted to talk
so he could understand
why she ended their relationship
he missed her

I'm not sure if you should switch perspectives like this. You could probably write two separate poems with the different perspectives.

but was to afraid of what others thought
He was a geek

too

with straight A's
he couldn't throw a football
or dribble a ball
his nose was always in a book

This is a very overused version of the geek. Most people these days strive for straight A's and a lot of people read. The sport one is the only one I would call universally geek like.

His heart broke

Again perspective. She couldn't know this for sure.

just another messed up love story
That ended in tears
because of one stupid girl
that couldn't let go of her popularity
not even for love.

I like this section.


I think the poem needs to be focused into one perspective. First it was the girls then it was the boys for like two lines then it was more like an observer. If this is to be done it needs to be equalized. Just as much perspective time for the boy as the girl. If this can't be done then they should be separated poems altogether.

Hope I helped.

Phoenix flies away.

Hey there.

She taped her pencil on the desk

Did you mean tapped?

waiting for the day to end.

The rules on grammar aren't so strict with poetry, but I think a period here would do some good.

she wanted to be home

Keep with the past-tense of the poem.

where he was.

I could point this out throughout the poem, but you get the idea. Like I said, grammar is more free for poetry but you still want to add breaks every now and then so it's not one single ongoing run-on. I really liked the last stanza telling about what happened but I think you should have stuck to that point the entire time rather than waiting until the end. I think this could be a cool idea though.