Zero to Hero

this is a fake news report about a made up rock star named Peter Matthews. If you like it, please remember to press the LIKE button at the bottom!
Playing the guitar to his hit song 'Stop!', Peter Matthews' one man band is called Cobra, an interesting name for country music. Last night at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville, Tennessee, was his first gig away from home-sweet-home Alabama. Early yesterday morning, we had interviewed Peter who had clearly stated “ I'm really nervous and I hope the judges like me.” This soon-to-be-superstar has high hopes for his music career.
Among the pleased crowd, we had spotted Mr. and Mrs. Matthews who can only be, “...too proud of our little sweetums, who has great musical talent, and a great future ahead of him...” When performing 'Love' Peter turned to a heavy metal guitar solo. After the concert, we interviewed the exhilarated judges who thought it was “...spectacular!...” and “...sensational!...” All spectators were amazed. The words of Mr. and Mrs. Matthews ring prophetically.
Amazingly, Peter Matthews would make a mistake that would change his music career.
Poor Peter strummed the string a bit too hard, which resulted in his G string breaking. After that, the crowd went wild! A girl named Stacy Whitewell was seen propelling floret at Peter. Much to other girl's distress, Stacy became Peter's official girlfriend later that night. Now, in Cobra's new album 'Forgive Me', you can still hear that famous G string break.

Floret: n. one of the small flowers making up a composite flower head.

Haha. Lol. Nice fictional news report.

-Crescent

Hi, just stopping in for a quick review! This is a really interesting idea! Was there any specific reason for writing it? Anyway, some pointers.

Playing the guitar to his hit song 'Stop!', Peter Matthews' one man band is called Cobra, an interesting name for country music.

So, first sentence. It should make a good impression, and unfortunately yours doesn't. Why? Because it's a fragment. It needs to be rephrased, or split into two. I don't see the point of telling us he was playing the guitar to "Stop!". When was he doing this? Why do we care?

Last night at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville, Tennessee, was his first gig away from home-sweet-home Alabama. Early yesterday morning, we had interviewed Peter who had clearly stated “ I'm really nervous and I hope the judges like me.” This soon-to-be-superstar has high hopes for his music career.

1. No had, because it sounds better and more active without them. I disagree that passive tense is always bad, but it's no good here.
2. What judges? You mean critics or fans?
3. It's obvious this article was written a while after the concert, talking about how his career sky-rocketed because of the string break, so you can't use things like yesterday or last night. I'd say something like: On _month_ _day_, _year_ at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville, Tennessee, Peter had his first gig away from home-sweet-home Alabama. The morning before, we...

we had spotted Mr. and Mrs. Matthews who can only be

Once again, I'd get rid of the had. Also, it should be "who could only be" because you're talking about what they said at the time, not in the present. Obviously enough time has passed for Cobra to put out a new album, so it's been a while.

When performing 'Love'

It's definitely not a big deal, but that's kinda a boring song name, isn't it?

exhilarated judges

Once again, who are these judges you speak of? It's not American Idol, there aren't usually judges at concerts unless it's some kind of competition.

floret at Peter

Should be florets, shouldn't it? Or a floret, if it was only one.

Anyway, this is a very nice piece. I like the thing with the G-string break, it ties things together and makes this a "story" with a purpose, instead of just rambling about an artist. You know what? I might just press that "Like" button.

Thanks for making my foray into non-fiction a pleasant one!

~Karma

Hey!
Thanks for reviewing my piece, Love, Demise and Last Goodbyes. I really appreciate all of my reviews!

Sorry this isn't going to be a proper review! Anything that I would point out has already been pointed out by the other two.

I really like your writing style and I am especially liking the idea behind this piece. Like Karma said, I very much love the whole G-string break thing; it gives this piece of writing a purpose. Well done!

Sorry this hasn't been very helpful at all! I just can't find much to fault!

Thanks again for reviewing my work!

~ Lala

Awwwwww thanks lala!!! This was a writing piece for my writng class. She gave you a picture and you had to make a story out of it. No one else got my picture which was of a guy with a guitar and a broken G-string. though I don't play guitar, I do play violin for 9 years so I think I know which string it is, though I may be wrong.... Thanks for the review, I'll be looking for you!!!