Slayed Soul - Prologue

Author note: O.K so I know the prologue is a little iffy, but that kinda why i put it on here. Give me your opinions people. Bring it on :] Thanks.!
P.S- this might not seem like a love story right now.. and to be honest it kinda wont until a while but trust me it is.!

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When you live like I do you experience more things than needed. In the world I live reapers are the enemies of everyone and everything. My job is to kill them. I’m a reaper slayer, but not just any slayer, I’m a black slayer. The black slayers are chosen by Naxos, one of the three creators of the slayers. Naxos is the only one who hasn’t been killed, so it’s pretty hard to get to him. Black slayers are different from regular slayers because we have an extra power apart from compulsion and we take on the worst reapers, the Black Reaper Clan. We all stay together and live separate from the slayers. We live in the country-side of France near the border of Switzerland. Battling creatures that are more than two times stronger and faster than you is as hard as it sounds, but because we have our powers it makes it easier. The Black Reaper Clan is made up of five very human like creatures. They look as normal as can be to everyone, but slayers single them out because we get chills down our spine
Black Reapers follow the orders of Declan Chant. In all our time slaying, the Black Slayers have never come face to face with Declan. He stays in the shadows and lets the other four reapers do the dirty work. Elva, Cora, Tavia, and Lars are amongst the most dangerous creatures you can ever face.
How do you die in the hands of a reaper? There are two ways and neither is pleasant. They would either suck your blood. Not in the same way a vampire can. Reapers don’t have fangs; instead they cut you and then suck your blood. Or they suck your soul out of your being. It’s a painful and long process, but it makes reapers much more powerful.
Reapers die one way and one way only, by getting stabbed on their necks with glass stakes or anything made of glass. Reapers are born to be killers with one exception, Declan. He is very different from the others. He has a soul only because his father, a Reaper, married a human. He made the decision to become a monster. He is also much harder to detect because his lips don’t change color when he’s weak. Black Reapers hurt anyone or anything they can, especially if you’re in their way.
The only way to become a Reaper is to do it voluntarily. A Reaper then makes a cut on his or her palm and then lets you suck their blood. After you’re done the Reaper kills you. You come back to life in an hour or two. The transformation takes about a week to become official. If it works.
I was chosen to be a slayer and even with all the dangers I’m happy I agreed. My life wouldn’t be so full of love. Sometimes not having a regular human experience for life makes me wonder how it feels to hang out with friends or date. My job doesn’t let me do any of the normal things twenty year olds are supposed to do. My priority is to save the people of earth from creatures that at any time and any place can go and kill.

Wow! Goosebumps were popping up on my arms! You have a GREAT idea! Definitely take it all the way!

One thing I did notice was that your prologue started out great with foreboding statements like "In the world I live reapers are the enemies of everyone and everything." but towards the end, I felt like it didn't have the same weight. A prologue is supposed to tantalize a reader, grabbing them by the neck and saying, "READ ME!"

You got a little too technical for the prologue when you explained the process of becoming a reaper--maybe you could weave that into you story instead of handing it to the readers on the first page. I know you want them to understand the technicalities, but, a little mystery is a good thing!

And just to finish off, here are the few grammatical errors I saw (PLEASE DON'T SCREAM FROM THE SHEER AMOUNT OF PURPLE--I just talk alot):



When you live like I do, (insert comma) you experience more things than needed. In the world I live , (insert comma)reapers are the enemies of everyone and everything. My job is to kill them.

(BREAK--You need to keep your paragraphs bite-sized so the reader can process all the awesome details you're giving them)

I’m a reaper slayer, but not just any slayer, I’m a black slayer. The black slayers are chosen by Naxos, one of the three creators of the slayers. Naxos is the only one who hasn’t been killed, so it’s pretty hard to get to him.

(BREAK!)

Black slayers are different from regular slayers because we have an extra power apart from compulsion and we take on the worst reapers, the Black Reaper Clan. We all stay together and live separate from the slayers. We live, living in the country-side of France near the border of Switzerland. Battling creatures that are more than two times stronger and faster than you is as hard as it sounds, but because we have our powers it makes it easier.

(BREAK!!)

The Black Reaper Clan is made up of five very human like creatures. They look as normal as can be to everyone, but slayers can single them out because we get chills down our spine <- just a little vague--could be interpretted that they get random chills. Maybe rephrase with some like: "because they give us chills down our spines.

Black Reapers follow the orders of Declan Chant. (Okay, awesome name!) In all our time slaying, the Black Slayers have never come face to face with Declan. He stays in the shadows and lets the other four reapers do the dirty work. Elva, Cora, Tavia, and Lars are amongst the most dangerous creatures you can ever face.

(I think you had a break here, but the way this gets laid out makes it hard to read--maybe put double spacing in between your paragraphs.)

How do you die in the hands of a reaper? There are two ways and neither is pleasant. They would either suck your blood, and Not NOT in the same way a vampire can does. Reapers don’t have fangs;, instead, they cut you and then suck your blood. <-Ouch! That's gory! Or they suck your soul out of your being. It’s a painful and long process, but it makes reapers much more powerful.

Reapers die one way, (insert comma) and one way only,: by getting stabbed on their necks with glass stakes or anything made of glass.

(You need to put a break here, because you are changing thoughts.)

Reapers are born to be killers--with one exception, Declan. He is very different from the others. He has a soul only because his father, a Reaper, married a human. He <- He-who? Are you talking about Declan or the dad. I assume you mean Declan made the decision to become a monster. He is also much harder to detect because his lips don’t change color when he’s weak. <-RANDOM! Why would his lips change color??? Explain... Black Reapers hurt anyone or anything they can, especially if you’re in their way.<- DOES NOT MATCH THE REST OF THE PARAGRAPH!!

(Okay...that last paragraph was messy--your thoughts were running here and there. If you're gonna talk about Declan, talk about Declan. When you're ready to talk about the B.R.s start a NEW paragraph! I only gripe because I care.)

The only way to become a Reaper is to do it voluntarily. A Reaper then makes a cut on his or her palm and then lets you suck their blood. After you’re done the Reaper kills you. You come back to life in an hour or two. The transformation takes about a week to become official. If it works. <-Good to know, but not sure it belongs in the prologue...

I was chosen to be a slayer and even with all the dangers I’m happy I agreed. My life wouldn’t be so full of love. (LOVE? With who? You haven't said anything about people she cares about--other than the other slayers. Is that who you mean?) Sometimes not having a regular human experience for life makes me wonder how it feels to hang out with friends or date. My job doesn’t let me do any of the normal things twenty year olds are supposed to do. My priority is to save the people of earth from creatures that at any time and any place can go andkill.

WHEW! ALL DONE! I know it looks like a lot of purple up there--but really, you have done an excellent job! Hope this helps you on your path to creating an awesome piece of fiction!