Two Souls

4 posts
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Points 12142
Reviews 91
~ Deleted from existence ~
Last edited by Wolferion on Sat Sep 24, 2011 2:21 pm, edited 2 times in total.
~Don't beg for things, do it yourself or else you'll never get anything~
-Formerly Shinda




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Gender Female
Points 23443
Reviews 193
Hello, I thought I'd look at your post because you looked at myn so here goes...

Well I like the idea, you can tell that you really like your characters particularly James. Considering of course that English is your 3rd language I thought you did very well with the description. A few bits took a little bit of working out but thats only because english isn't your first language.

I would like to read on to see what will happen to these two characters in their new high schools.
PM me when you write more.
Thanks for an enjoyable short read. If you want me to pick it apart and correct your English and some of your grammer then just ask. :D

Overall I thought it was very good,
Keep Writing,
Lydia
Thinking about what you COULD achieve will get you no where. You've got to chase your dreams.
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=188&t=92400 - Need a review?




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Well write, I liked it. I didn't see any problems with it and I can't wait for the rest to come out. :smt059




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Points 3949
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I think that you have posted this one too prematurely. there was no conflict yet and i was thinking "so what then?" although your introduction of the characters are commendable, i could not see any build up just yet. i sincerely wish that you would post the rest as this, i think is an interesting story indeed.
At least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so that you don't crash into geek mountain again.

-Sheldon Cooper



Poetry is thoughts that breathe, and words that burn.
— Thomas Gray