You found yourself

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This is the first poem I've posted, but you can probably guess the subject.

You found the truth
In the bark of a gun
And the roar of a plane

You found yourself
In the clatter of metal
And sheen of a sword

You found the truth
In an innocent eye
And cry of a baby
Unborn

You found the hate
The darkness untold
The hate that is far worse than all

You learnt to hate
You learnt to fall
While waiting for the carrion call

And now you gaze with sombre eye
At the red dawn
Of a battle morn
And wonder the question
Of the unheard soldier

In big letters
Who?
And Why?
GENERATION 30: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.




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Gender Female
Points 5705
Reviews 32
I really like this, it sounds like something I might write. xD
And right now I can't think of anything you can improve on, except for adding in punctuation, and not capitalizing the first letters of a line when using enjambment.
You did a good job!
You've never had to crawl, you've never had to see,
what it feels like to be so trapped underneath

the weight of someone's world, comes crashing down on me

I was longing to be free, I put the bullet in you and me

This is my farewell to you and I,
this will all end in tragedy




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Gender None specified
Points 1764
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Could you explain to me what enjambment is?
GENERATION 30: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 5705
Reviews 32
Enjambment is when you write a sentence over two lines or more.
Like this:
You found the truth
In the bark of a gun
And the roar of a plane

So you wouldn't have to capitalize the I in 'in' or the A in 'and', since it's continuing the sentence.
Hope I didn't confuse you, I'm not good at explaining things xD
You've never had to crawl, you've never had to see,
what it feels like to be so trapped underneath

the weight of someone's world, comes crashing down on me

I was longing to be free, I put the bullet in you and me

This is my farewell to you and I,
this will all end in tragedy



No great thing is created suddenly. There must be time. Give your best and always be kind.
— Epictetus