Tides

We were on the beach
Watching the tides come in and go out,
Walking up and down,
Holding hands,
We had no doubts.

We were so carefree,
No problems we had to face.
You kept looking at me,
And you held me in a tight embrace,
Having fun looking up at the stars.

There was a shooting star that night,
I told you to make a wish.
You said, "Baby, you're all that I need and want.
There's nothing I want more than this."

Then you leaned into me and kissed me on the lips,
I could swear I felt my legs go limp.
I nearly fell over,
Then I put my head on your shoulder.

And I felt your heart beating,
Like a race car, it was speeding.
And that's when I could tell,
Deep in love, we both fell.

Done before, but really written well! I like your style of writing, more easygoing and flowy, not so classy. I thought the title fit perfectly and I couldn't think of one better myself To the critique! A few things to think about:

-"We were on the beach." Hmm. Not a catchy first line. I would erase it and leave it at that. The readers can assume the characters are on the beach, I'm pretty sure.

-"And I felt your heart beating, Like a race car, it was speeding." Just a tad bit... corny Just change the race car part and you'll be all good

-The rhyming is random, so when your editing this I would advise to forget about rhyming

-"Deep in love, we both fell." Favorite line!

OVERALL

I imagine some people will be touched with this poem and feel a connection as well. Written well, but, done many a time. While you're editing experiment and try to make this one different from the rest. PM me if you're ever in need of a serious critique!
winie

I'll go and admit I agree with some of the points winie made. If you erased the "We were on the beach" and simply went on with second verse as a first, it'd make us imagine some place our mind prefers, where two hold their hands.

I'm not sure if I shall agree with winie about race car part or not. I read it no problem and I understand what it was meant to say.

This poem felt pretty much light, no heavy feelings. It's clear for me and I do like the piece, but to be honest, it's a bit cliche... The idea is yours of course, but as the lines used here are more or less findable in other poems, it makes it a bit less original.
If you ever feel like trying to edit it, look in your mind if you can pull out interesting metaphors that aren't that much used and still mean what they should mean ^^
Keep writing and don't feel too discouraged along the way, we all have our troubles with writing and this is why YWS exists. We share our works, we get to know how to write better and then we help each other

I love your poem! I love how you express how the tides have to do with your love, and how they are important. You set up a beat to it, that keeps the reader reading and I found my self chanting, which is really good. Keep on writing!

I really like this poem The rhythm is like the tides coming in and out sometimes unpredictable but most of the time in tune with each other.
The light feelings were good I thought, you got the feeling that these people were/ are really in love.
However I too am not so sure on the racing car part, it's a good comparison but it just sounds a bit strange in this particular poem.
Other than that welldone,
Woody

wow! that was really good!

nice poem. i liked the imagery in there. and your rhyme shceme was quite good too. very good write.

like i said, the imagery was exellent and i could see everything that was goin on in the scene. quite romantic.

the poem flowed easy too and all the stanzas/ paragraphs were in uniform.

overall: a very good poem, with a nice, happy story