When I Dream

When I Dream

When I dream,
I dream of colors.
Black and white
merging delicately,
while others remain detached.

When I dream,
I dream of water.
Graceful streams
flowing ainlessly
to an everlasting end.

When I dream,
I dream of us.
Standing together
waiting patiently
for our chance to come.

Please rip apart as usual.

I dream of colors.
Black and white

Technically black and white are neutrals, not colors lol.

flowing ainlessly

You spelled 'aimlessly' wrong.

Standing together
waiting patiently

Put a comma after 'together'.

Over all, I think this just jumped from one idea to another fast. Maybe you could make it a little longer; it seems to be missing something.

*nods* what she said. You could continue on the pretty imagery.

-Crescent

Hey Brain Shina here to do a review for you. I thought the beginning of this poem was pretty charming, but now onto the review.

I. Nitpicks

When I dream,
I dream of colors.
Black and white
merging delicately,
while others remain detached.

I have to agreee with the others on this. Black and white are neutrals. Also, this contradicts the fact that the narrator dreams of water in the next stanza. The reader would probably feel tricked because from the first stanza you get the feeling that the narrator is blind or something similar. But then again, most people who are blind "see" with other senses. And the ones who could see before they went blind say that can dream memories or can "see" the sun when it's over their eyes (which might really be them sensing the heat.) You just might want to consider that for this poem.

When I dream,
I dream of water.
Graceful streams
flowing ainlessly
to an everlasting end.

Aimlessly, spelling error. This is a pretty picture, but I'm wondering what this has to do with dreaming in black and white or the narrator dreaming of being with their loved one. They're pretty paragraphs, but together? What's the story here? Plus, this contradicts with the first stanza.

When I dream,
I dream of us.
Standing together
waiting patiently
for our chance to come.

This line wasn't as charming as the other two stanzas. Particularly because it's strange for someone to dream of him/herself with his/her significant other waiting for their time to come. Wouldn't they dream of them being together, because in the present tense of the poem they're already waiting for their time to come.

II. Overall

The poem was simple, but still very nice. You didn't overdo it with the "I dream of", because after three times, it gets old and annoying usually. The downside of the poem was, as pretty as the first line was, it sets the whole poem in black in white, because if she can only dream in black and white, then all her dreams are black and white. On top of that, it contradicts the other stanzas in a way.

The other problem I had was the story in this poem. What is it saying? The first two stanzas really have nothing to do with the last one from a reader's point of view. Try to weave a story. Description is really supposed to assist a writer in weaving their story.

I think that this was a very simple poem. It really needs more color and imagery, and a story. You really just jumped from subject to subject and made it confusing. Why is she dreaming or he dreaming of these things. There can always be a story, and it would be very nice to have one. Other than that I liked it.

-Flower-

The only thing that makes this disturbing for me is the misspelled word: "Ainlessly", it should have been "Aimlessly". This a a 3-stanza poem, short but nice, in a way you dream things going still, until you dream of something that you really wish it would come true. Anyways... I like the poem.

Keep it up!