Silence Sings

Ok, I do know some of the things I could improve on here, some things I could take out and others I could add, ways I could improve the structure but I want to see what other peoople think before I edit it I'm not sure whether this should be in dramatic poetry, any comments are very welcome

Silence Sings

“Listen
Silence sings
Like nothing else
To our ear
A cold beauty
A white grace
For nothing to see, for everything to hear
Whispering shouts in our ears
Her song joined only
By the blowing wind, her loyal companion
Together they sing their song
And gently the bitterness
Of sound’s cry
Departs
Listen
Silence Sings

wow this is cool!

Hey Shade ^^ Shina here to do a review for you

I. Nitpicks

Listen
Silence sings
Like nothing else

If you read this in your mind, and you read it aloud, you can see that the flow of this poem is already off. Why? The word "listen" in the beginning. I think it would sound better if you scratch it.

Also, "like nothing else." That's a pretty vague and a bit overly dramatic comparison. You might want to reconsider another simile.

A cold beauty
A white grace
For nothing to see, for everything to hear

Very nice. I like these metaphors.

Whispering shouts in our ears
Her song joined only
By the blowing wind, her loyal companion
Together they sing their song
And gently the bitterness

This part, not so much. In the last part I could tell you were almost spot on with the description of silence, even if you didn't use much description. Here, now, with the "shouting", I'm not sure what you're describing.

Also, "blowing wind"? Redundant.
II. Overall
The simplicity in the upper mid-section of this poem I liked. However, the ending portion of the poem seemed like you were trying to find something to finish off the poem and forgot what you were describing entirely. I also didn't think saying the wind was her companion because in a way, wind is also a symbol of silence. If you consider the whispering, and the descriptions of white grace, you could also be describing the wind.

Think through your descriptions, and I think you'll do fine. Remember that your poem needs to tell a story, so finish the story

-Shina

yeah, I get what your saying, I know it needs allot of work, I also originally wrote this in Gaelic, it works allot better and rhymes in Gaelic so yeah, thanks