I hope things never change

I'm kind of stuck from here on, reviews help keep me motivated, so please comment! Thanks for taking the time to read it!

I hope things never change

Chemicals. I wrinkled my nose. The disgusting odor of chemicals was pronounced in the cool morning breeze, tainting it. It was bitter, suffocating as it went down my throat. Eww.
"Nothing like the stench of chemicals in the mornin', wouldn't you agree?" Bane inhaled in deeply.
I merely shrugged. "You just lost five years off your life," I warned halfheartedly.
Bane grinned, stretching the wrinkles of his creased face. "Don't care," he announced.
It was hard not to smile back. I've never really felt like Bane was my grandfather. He felt more like a roommate. Of course, meeting him a mere year ago helped.
The grey metal dock around us reflected the toxin filled sunrise, green and purple.
I kicked the metal beneath the soles of my feet. "Hard to believe there used to be soil here," I mused.
Bane hummed in agreement. "And the sunrises used to be all pale and pink, too."
I cringed. "No way. Really?"
Bane folded his large arms as he stared at the horizon. "You're just fifteen, kid. You really don't know much about the world."
Staring at the sunrise alongside him, I knew he was right. Nevertheless, I scowled. "Look who's talking, dear old geezer of mine. Got a call from the cemetery the other day."
Bane's grin widened, exposing all of his yellow teeth. "You're your father's boy, kid." I knew that for him it was meant as the greatest compliment.
I kicked the dock again, ignoring the deadly ocean underneath. "You give yourself too much credit."
Bane scratched his unshaven chin. "Maybe you're right," he agreed with a nonchalant shrug.
I've only met Bane a year ago, after the government decided he should be my guardian. He wasn't very welcoming; he looked me up an down, mouth turning down at the corners, nodded as I steadied myself onboard the ship. "Can you sail, kid?"
I shook my head.
He grunted, "Your father's boy all right…" for the first time back then. I'd taken it as an insult – not that I should've been offended. My father was a proud politician, famous all over the world. Nobody knew he had a kid. An accident, they told me. Took the both of them, they explained.
There was no sympathy in Bane's eyes when he greeted me for the first time, no pitty, not soothing words. I liked it.
"What're you thinking about so hard, kid?" Bane asked, cutting off my train of thought. "Oh." I forced the dent between my eyebrows to disappear. "Nothing." But living with Bane in the ocean, away from everything… it did me good. "Just that you're kind of all right to live with."
Bane beemed. "So are you, kid."
I hope things never change…
Looking back, I want to hit myself for that thought; I just had to jinx it, didn't I?

*pokes* Ooh, shiny.

Even in such a short piece, I loved the character interplay between these two. Really, it just sort of clicks right away and keeps going. Very nice.

The flashback reads a little awkwardly because it is written pretty much in the same tense as the rest of the story and therefore doesn't stand out too well as a flashback. A quick rewrite from me, just changing the tense a little:

I've only met Bane a year ago, after the government decided he should be my guardian. He wasn't very welcoming; he'd looked me up and down, mouth turning down at the corners, nodded as I steadied myself onboard the ship.

"Can you sail, kid?"

I'd shook my head.

He'd grunted, "Your father's boy all right…" for the first time back then. I'd taken it as an insult – not that I should've been offended. My father was a proud politician, famous all over the world. Nobody knew he had a kid. An accident, they told me. Took the both of them, they explained.

A few little "had"s in there changes it right up. It's not a good thing to do a whole lot of, since it can get old really fast in a long flashback, but this is more of just a quick memory than a full-blown flashback.

Typo:

no pitty

Methinks you mean "pity".

All in all, really lovely. It was really the character relations that sold me.

~GryphonFledgling

P.S.

One note (and don't take it too personally... it's just a personal gripe): Don't write just for the sake of reviews. If you continue this, continue it because you want to. If you don't continue it, do it because you don't want to. Don't just do it for the kicks and the giggles in the reviews.

Sorry, but that just drives me up the wall when someone pretty much says they won't continue if they don't get the reviews. It turns readers off and those that stay can often just sort of leave inane reviews, so the writer gets no real criticism(I have seen this happen in other, less amazing, writing forums).

Hey, second review.

Okay, nitpicks.

Chemicals. I wrinkled my nose. The disgusting odor of chemicals

Not sure about the repetition, it doesn't quite do it for me.

Eww.

This, too, throws me off. It's very immature, even for the first person narrative. I'd suggest cutting.

"You just lost five years off your life," I warned halfheartedly.

I'd cut the speech tag here. You don't need it, after the mention of your character shrugging earlier in the line. A speech tag is just overkill, especially with such a long adverb.

Of course, meeting him a mere year ago helped.

Cut this, because you mention the meeting later, in the flashback.

The grey metal dock around us reflected the toxin filled sunrise, green and purple.
I kicked the metal beneath the soles of my feet.

Change one of the "metal"s to steel.

I kicked the dock again, ignoring the deadly ocean underneath.

I would change "ignoring" to "trying to forget" or "trying not to think about". Ignoring just begs the question of why your character mentions it in narrative at all.

no pitty, not soothing words.

Typo, as GF pointed out, on "pity". Possibly one on the second "no", as well.

beemed.

Typo, or mispelling. This should be "beamed".

Okay, I agree with GryphonFledgling in that the flashback is too integrated into the text. It needs to be disjointed, so follow the suggestion of changing tense more obviously and possibly just mentioning words like "remember" and "back then".

You don't need a speech tag after every instance of dialogue, and every speech tag doesn't require an adverb. Usually, if there's a sentence right before the dialogue that establishes the speaker, you can ditch the tag.

I, too, like the character interplay. I understand what you mean about reviews; it helps to think someone else is taking an interest in what you're doing. However, as previously mentioned, don't rely on that interest. This is a good piece, so keep going with it.

- Jet.

Hey there ofir! So let’s get down to business. I started working on this review way back at the beginning of school and it last hour and I’m finally done…I’ve got to learn to actually review instead of playing copter.

Title

‘I Hope Things Ever Change’

I just wanted to remind you to make sure you capitalize your titles. Otherwise, I actually really liked it. To add to that, the title caught me off guard a bit when I saw that this sort of title (which seems more like something you would see in the romance forum) would be in the Sci-Fi forum. Very cool. I stumbled across something like this a few days back and it was definitely enjoyable.

Nitpicks

It was bitter, suffocating as it went down my throat. Eww.

Generally, I wouldn’t be very fond of having something like ‘eww’ in a story but I think it helps set the tone of the story in stone. To add to that, it made me giggle. It’s almost cute!

Bane inhaled in deeply.

In is repetitive. When you say that he ‘inhaled’ then he’s already breathing ‘in.’ So you don’t have to say ‘in’ again.

"You're your father's boy, kid."

The use of ‘kid’ feels very repetitive. I really don’t think that the repetition of ‘kid’ is probably unnecessary and you can just omit it.

There was no sympathy in Bane's eyes when he greeted me for the first time, no pitty, not soothing words.

Not should be ‘no.’ I’m sure that was just a little old typo.

Looking back, I want to hit myself for that thought; I just had to jinx it, didn't I?

I love this ending. I think it’s absolutely a wonderful way of giving foreshadowing but remaining in the tone of the story.

Bane
Right now, I only have one issue with Bane and that’s in the fact that he has more of a young man feel then an old man feel. Work on making him seem more like a grandpa and less like a brother.

Setting
You have a good start, but I would recommend working on making sure that you research aquatic life forms and diving and such in order to take the story to that point of believable that make a story awesome.

Great idea you have here and I hope you do write more. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me and I hope you’ll let me know when you post more.

I thought it was a good piece. But I think a little more back story would be good. For example perhaps say more about how he lost his parents, and how things have changed like why the soil is gone and why there are so many chemicals. I hope you find this useful

All the best.

Its a good story but maybe a prologue to help us understand the current situation within your story. Where is the soil? Why is there so many chemicals etc. This is a very good decent start but needs more devoping

I think everyone has pointed out the errors that I was going to point out but I just want to say that sometimes, one word is all it takes to grab someone's attention and that piece does that. Chemicals. What about them? Why mention them? Good tactic. But yes, development does need a bit of work, because we don't really know why the chemicals are there.

The characters have potential but I feel it they're going to go anywhere, there needs to be a bit of development work. I like Bane! But as lilymoore said, he's sounding more like a brother than an older man.

I hope this is helpful to you ^^

Try not to take this too personally, because this is only my 2nd review.

First off, what really appealed to me is the characters. Your characters use humor, and discuss the past in a way that is really interesting to me, because I can actually see it happening. Very realistic in all aspects.

The problem is that this appears to me as a fragment of a story that you've already written, so it is...slightly confusing. Where are they? What year is it? These questions, and some others, are not answered. Therefore, I feel as though I'm in the dark.
Other than this, and a few typos, this story is great, and I'd like to see some more added on to this.

This was a well written piece one thing though was that I didn't get a character visual and that would have been really helpful to me I don't know about anybody else. Anyway I really enjoyed reading this. Keep it up I look forward to reading more of your work.