Suicide Rose(Rewritten, but still not done)

I thinks it a bit longer though.
The days reach the skies
Crescent moon hovering the night. Stars break the surface
Happy lullaby’s sing across my eyes
Cheeks filled with jealousy I turn the other way
It’s so beautiful. The earth
The way it breaths life, stands till the ends of time
Why can’t I show myself to the world?
‘Because of low self-esteem’
Stop playing with my head
It disappears, but will return
The days get heavy like racing winds
You try to stay in one place to figure out the wrong and right
‘There is no wrong or right. Just good and evil’
Ignoring the voice
It’s no use; they pass you by, not caring
And the days, hours slip through my hands
My monsters get bigger
‘MONSTER’
With each passing second
‘MONSTER’
Stronger than I can handle
‘MONSTER’
Skinning me alive. Peeling me with knives. Twisting my bones. Shattering my lungs. Tearing me to pieces.
Repeating without a care in the world
With a killing force I’m dying inside
‘Everyone dies’
“No. Not everyone.”
My shell young and alive for now
They keep reaching for me. The atmosphere filled with my desires
They know me. They know my darkest secrets. They know what I want so bad.
The air is so thick of my flesh. It hurts to breath. There calling my name.
‘We already have you. We whisper to your ears. You see us all around. You evolved around us.’
They want me to rest.
‘YES’
I have to go… willingly stepping forward
Thoughts of retreating pulsed threw my veins
Getting on top of the bridges edge
Holding my rose to my chest
The dangling of my chain heard for eternity in my soul
Gripping my heart with regret
Numbness filled the holes in my skin
A soft breeze crossed my face “Let it go” it said
The icy winter night. Frozen lake beyond.
Nodding my head “ I will rest this rose to bed” I screamed
My Sacrifice
Loosening every part of my body
I let the rose go with the wind watching it soar over blue ice
A tear leaked thru my eyes crushing my face
What is this that I have done?!
I jumped where I came from, running to catch up
My tongue screaming for it to come back it did not return
The night’s death rested in silence, only my gasping breath heard in the forest
The wind flew it down to the heavens
Not until did I realize
The voice it wasn’t there
That night at midnight
I prayed to Jehovah, god, two simple words
“Thank you”
My savior
My suicide rose

The title was certainly intriguing - so well done on creating an enticing title (not that I judge a poem by it; but it DOES make it all the more interesting!).

My biggest piece of advice for you would be to actually make the lines longer, so that it reads less vertically-down. Currently, it is quite a challenge to read, even on a good day, and I think it will become much easier on the eyes, and have greater impact, if it is condensed a bit more (not necessarily that your must sut words out - just to put lines together a bit more). I know shorter lines have a bigger impact - but if you keep using the technique of shorter lines all throughout the poem, they tend to lose the impact, since there's less of an element of surprise. But...that's easily done, so it should be no problem for you!

Now that you have written it through to the end, you know where you were going with this. So...I also think it would be helpful, when doing a rewrite, to really think about what you want to leave the readers with (a message? a feeling?) and in what way you want to portray this. Currently, it reads like a 'stream of consciousness' - a string of thoughts, that are at times a bit disjointed, and hard for us, as outside readers to understand. But once you've got a nice, clear picture in your mind of where you want to go with this, it'll brighten up, and anchor the poem a lot more.

You had some lovely lines:

The days reach the skies
Crescent moon hovering the night
Stars break the surface
Cheeks filled with jealousy

Now, I like the idea of 'the stars have cheeks that are filled with jealousy' as that has quite an impact. But at the moment, I can't really tell if the stars have cheeks filled with jealousy, or the narrator of the poem. So - make this clearer. Since this is a set of four lines that work so well together, I'd suggest breaking it off from the rest of the poem - maybe doing a free-verse poem with stanzas, each with four lines?

I turn the other way
Its so beautiful
Why can't I show myself like that to the world
'Because you’re not beautiful'
Stop playing with my head
It leaves
But it will return

This part I did not care for as much. It is too direct, too literal, so actually loses its impact. Try not to tell us 'it's beautiful' - show us, instead, so that we might reach the same conclusion.

The remainder of the poem needs to be likewise reworked - so that the overall idea is clearer, and the impact is increased.