My Funny LIttle Haiku

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I was about to go to sleep a couple nights ago...when I started to write this in my journal. It's short, (because obviously it's a haiku) but I think it's funny and I hope you like it. :D

Sometimes I forget,
to look where I am walking;
I fall on my face.


:elephant: Thanks for reading! Review please???
Apple of my soul,
Eats me whole,
Take one bite,
No delight,
Rotting hole.




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Haha! I did like this and it was funny! There's not really much to critique about it because it's so short but it is a haiku. I've written a few haikus, but not any of them funny like this. The only thing is maybe take out the comma. Hope this helped! pm for anything

winie*
Sometimes you're the apple, sometimes you're the mouth- me XD




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Haha *likes*
Please take care to use good grammar when making a post!

"grammer" 1519 matches on YWS *twitches*

Rydia is the ruler of the world. :(




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Cute! I wish I could critique this, but I don't know really how to. So, that's all I have to say.
Keep on writing...haikus?

~KD
Perfect things in life aren't things.
Spoiler
*_______*




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I agree. Take out the comma. Replace the semi-colon with a period. Write a better last line. You fall? Not enough seeing there.
"Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass." - Anton Chekhov



Russets and tangerine shades of old gold flushing the very outside edge of the senses ... deep shining ochres, burnt umber and parchments of baked earth—reflecting on itself and through itself, filtering the light.
— Guildenstern (Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard)