I need you.

Lost in time
A bird fly by
I sit alone
And start to cry
The sky is silent
The ground is bare
I didn't know
I'd need you here
This ache inside
Will never die
Alone I sit
The gap right here
Is where you'd fit
Your dark brown eyes
Should watch me now
Coz I know you'd be here
Through all the lies
My tear stained eyes
They look up high
And all I want
Is you right now

My! This poem teems with emotion. I don't know whether it was the short, choppy structure, or the desolate setting (I loved the lone bird flying by!).

Anyways, this left me feeling sad!

One thing I would say would be the use of colloquial language like 'coz'. In my opinion it cheapens your beautiful poem!

Greetings I'll be your reviewer for today, unlike the reviewer before. I felt this was in my opinion 'too emo' you overuse certain themes and you never truly explore them, just fling them down and ignore them for rest of the poem. You have choppy structure which adds nothing except makes the poem unbearable to read. And the thing that annoys me is for no reason you throw 'Coz' in. Why it doesn't fit layout of poem and you come across as immature due to it.

This is another poem which states 'woe is me' it's full of cliches and seems to be intent on making message clear but not showing it. Remember 'Show don't tell' if anything I think you could do better, if you read some more poets. And saw how you can make a sad poem and or depressing poem, and not sound emo.

Hope this helps.

Sad poem. But thats alright.
It seemed like you wrote it pretty hurriedly. It would make a nice poem if you sat down and spent a little more time on it. But I liked some lines like "The gap right here, Is where you'd fit"

yeah, i did write it in a hurry, i do with all my stuff, ill just have paper and just start writing...

It is supposed to be bird flies by. Haha with that let me introduce myself, I am Flower, or whatever you would like to call me is fine. It think that this is very choppy. You jump subjects so much that it confuses me. I think that if you talked about one thing for longer and described things and then flowed to the next thing it would be better. With that said this has potential to be a good poem with a little work.

Keep Writing

-Flower-