midnight musings

clicking sounds from the radio interrupt
hot-heads and reason surface
serenaded by travel expenses, loans and talk shows

people screaming, soft pings, groans of defeat
punctuated by the surreality of a midnight drive,
late-night tv
realising your favourite song passed you by

connections from seventythousand
to seventeen
all that can be seen is static
echoing confusion caused by frustration

left for a right, right for a wrong
slight shifting of position forced perspective

Well I didn't really have the grandest idea as to what this entailed until you enlightened me a little on MSN, but somehow the stanzas seem too disconnected, and it doesn't feel like it's all together. There needs to be some sort of running idea through the poem and it doesn't appear to be there. Sure, you might understand the numbers but noone else does and if you want people to understand and comment on your poem then you need to make it a little more...universal?

Generally, it just needs revising to make it more easy to read (the flow is a little odd) and easier to understand while still holding some mystery.

I agree. It's a tad obvious I haven't been doing much writing, isn't it? I'm going to wok on this some, see what I can come up with. and the numbers are going.. most likely along with that entire stanza.

(and the only way to get better at something is to practice, and that I intend to do).

Love the last stanza. I agree with Jack though... It's still a bit disconnected. Don't know if you've fixed it since then or not. But I like your use of words. Nice.

I like it.it is disconnected, but it seems natural and heartfelt, which is more important. And I really like the title. "Midnight Musings..." cool. i think the title fit the poem really well. nice job!!
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