Sweet sacrifice for true love

I've anticipated your arrival, fantasized over the precise point of our first embrace, forming various understated conclusions of the magnificence of that moment.All logic has long ago taken it's absence as the uncontrollable yearning's of my heart have entwined, transforming me into a puppet of my desire.My human needs have subsided as I crave only to survive on the sweet scent of your skin.Nothing else matters now.I have sacrificed myself, all that I am, for our infinite love. Take me as your own and in return give yourself to me. For the soul is the sweet sacrifice for true love.

Usually romantic fiction isn't really my thing. And I don't consider myself as a romantic. But this... can't really call it a story. This fictional piece is.... unbelievable. I read it a couple of times, letting the words sink in. I would have liked to use it as a signature, but i think its too long. And i dont want to steal it from you. I Thank you for sharing this and I can't wait to read more.

Trick

Wow, magicwithin, that was great.

But I spotted a problem or two:

Magicwithin wrote:I've anticipated your arrival, fantasized over the precise point of our first embrace, forming various understated conclusions of the magnificence of that moment.Put a space between the full-stop and the start of your next sentence! You do this throughout this piece.All logic has long ago taken it's No apostrophe. Just plain, old "its". absence as the uncontrollable yearning's Again, no apostrophe. Just "yearnings". of my heart have entwined, transforming me into a puppet of my desire.My human needs have subsided as I crave only to survive on the sweet scent of your skin.Nothing else matters now.I have sacrificed myself, all that I am, for our infinite love. Take me as your own and in return give yourself to me. For the soul is the sweet sacrifice for true love.

I love the language you use, and how every single word appears to have a great deal of thought behind it. I only wish it was longer!

Magicwithin wrote:My human needs have subsided as I crave only to survive on the sweet scent of your skin.

I loved it all, but this part stood out to me. I just adore your alliteration with "sweet scent". Wonderful.

Hope I helped a little, and keep on writing more!

~EmmaJane~

tRiCk wrote:Usually romantic fiction isn't really my thing. And I don't consider myself as a romantic. But this... can't really call it a story. This fictional piece is.... unbelievable. I read it a couple of times, letting the words sink in. I would have liked to use it as a signature, but i think its too long. And i dont want to steal it from you. I Thank you for sharing this and I can't wait to read more.

Trick

Love the message!