Cut me

Cut me again, and again.
Cut me till I bleed.
Cut me off from you.
Cut me to my death.

No! Don't stop.
You have hurt me before
is it not enough
you might as well finish the job
what am i now
just a load of blood
you did this to me

So go on...
Cut me down.
Cut me to my death

Wow. I honestly have to say I know exactly what this poem is about... Its really good though and you should keep writing, just keep to somewhat happier subjects. {Even though i can't talk.}
~Cassi

This is terrible.

You have an idea.

Now, instead of showing us that idea in the most blatant form possible, try hinting at it using other things... you know... metaphors?

See, razor cuts are a bit like railroad tracks, railroad tracks have trains on em, trains have lights and travel through tunnels.

Your crossin those railroad tracks
to chase the light
out the tunnel?

Light, out the tunnel. What else gives light? Well let me guess, the cutting takes place at night, so the stars?

Woah, the stars like... bleed light! Like you bleed blood!

That makes the Milkyway... A GIANT VEIN!

See? That's poetry.

So what else gives light? Lamps. Are they bleeding? Is humanity bleeding? Are the cosmos bleeding? Are you bleeding? Are you bleeding and lighting your blood with theirs? Are you bleeding to see the light? Are you bleeding for revelation, for justice?

Metaphor, babe.

Write. Write again. Write again. Keep writing. I'm not recommending you DON'T post everything you write, but I'm recommending you write ALOT and frequently. That's how one gets better.

And try to use METAPHOR. Follow the line of thought I layed out fer ya, then make your own.

If you have any questions, PM me.