I got chills reading this and it actually kind of scared me. You're starting to get like Jon Foreman--vaaaaaague. But hey, Jon Foreman won an award for being vague. However, I don't know Jon Foreman but I know you. Well, sorta--you know what I mean. Anyway, it's frightening and complicated reading anything ambiguous coming from someone that you know--especially you.
I love your poetry, Brad. I love your thoughts and theories and words. It's like you introduce chilling truths to us, and we can never be the same once we read them.
You convey some very good ideas here, but they seem unpleasantly fragmented in their presentation. I love your word choices- moon pleated, moving and unmoving. I didn't find your statements vague, but I did find the connections between them difficult to grasp. It was like you took a notebook of good ideas and, rather than running with them as I know you can do, you squashed them together. You are more capable than this shows.
Which, in essence, is the very point of this piece. It was written for my Postmodernism class; hence, fragmentation and (dis)connects are rampant. Allow me to paraphrase T.S. Eliot for a moment when I say: the jarring, mind-altering poetry is that which is best.
The title really caught my attention for some reason or another. It's a great description, but one I never really thought about. I also liked the the thought of stars being "cracks in the atmosphere" that people rely on because we want to escape. Very nice.
Got YWS?
"Most of us have far more courage than we ever dreamed we possessed."
- Dale Carnegie
Incan, you do have a way with words. I very much enjoy the way you've strung these words together, especially in the last stanza ("moving and unmoving").
However, it's all style, no substance. Are you trying to say something or just make an aestetically pleasing arangement of words? Maybe I just can't appreciate PoMo well, but it seems to me that the deep point you want to make is obscured by too many pretty words.
"El sueño de la razon produce monstrisos"
--Fransisco de Goya
