Once again Prologue

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Prologue
I looked up at my mother and father giving Seth’s mum and dad hugs and handshakes while saying their goodbyes. Mary (Seth’s mum) knelt down to my height and gave me a hug, tears were streaming down her cheeks when she said…
“We’ll come visit soon,” Her voice was starting to crackle as she tried to hold back the tears. Her dark hair was pulled back into a bun and her light brown eyes were shining so bright. She went to go sit in the truck that held all of their things.
A hand was held out to me by Seth’s Father, Lucas. His big blue eyes were fierce and looked like blue ice. I took the stretched out hand and shook it.
“It was a nice to have you as our neighbor and I’m sure Seth will miss your company,” He gave me one of his serious smiles and he climbed into the truck with his wife. Seth came into view when he came to stand in front of me; he was way taller than me but only because he was ten and two years older than me. He frowned and pulled his hands out of his jean pockets and rested them by his sides.
“I’m gonna miss you,” He said.
“I’m gonna miss...” He pulled me into a massive hug and wrapped his arms around me tightly. I snaked my arms around him after a moment of silence trying to hold back the tears burning my eyes. I never ever cried while Seth was around, never.
“I’m gonna miss you too” I tried again when he let go. He had the same blue ice eyes as his father and dark shaggy hair like Mary. He waved to my parents and me while climbing into the truck. The engine roared to life, Lucas stuck his hand out the window as a final wave then drove off and down the road to the highway. I watched as the truck disappeared to the right. I could finally let the tears go and the sobs escape from my chest. I looked up at my mum and dad as they came over to me. Mum knelt down to give me a hug. Her hair was let down to her shoulders and her fringe pulled back, her soft green eyes lightened her face and as she smiled at me more tears leaked from my eyes and onto my cheeks. I glanced at dad and his bald head with dark eyes. Mum took hold of my wrist to pull me into a hug but I snatched it back and ran. The big sobs were escaping from my lungs now and I sprinted to the old corner in the horse stable that Seth and I always used to play in. I lifted my knees to my chest and propped my chin of them and I did the one thing I never did while Seth was around.
I cried.
Last edited by Smexaykk01 on Tue Mar 23, 2010 1:33 am, edited 2 times in total.




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Wow! I really love this! It really pulled on my heartstrings!!! :D

I only noticed one thing: you called Seth's mom "Mary", and then it was "Marry", but this was probably just a slip of the hands. Overall, this was great! :D
Even if you see in black and white, think in color...




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To put it simply it was a sweet heartfelt goodbye :cry:.There was nothing wrong except the misspelled 'Mary' part, so all in all I really like it and hope there is more to come.
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Hey Smexay.


Mary (Seth’s mum)


Use commas, it flows better.

I lifted my knees to my chest and propped my chin of them and I did the one thing I never did while Seth was around.


'and propped my chin on them'
also you dont need the 'I' in between the 'and' and 'did'.


This is about all, but there are some wierd bits. Kayla, you write things in a way only you can understand them, this may only be me, but sometimes I dont know what you mean in some sentences.

Keep writing AND CONTINUE WITH THIS STORY, YOU GAVE UP ON INFECTED.

Olli
Literally whatevr



i don't want to pass up an opportunity to be authentic for the opportunity to be profound
— soundofmind