Sams Note

*This i wrote when i was really depressed...hope it makes people understand how serious depression really is..* I call is " Sam's story". Enjoy

He hates himself.
He turns in his bed at night
The nightmares have become unbearable.
"Is there still a God?"
He thinks.
He wants to hear his voice now.
In that moment silence falls.
And he thinks for a second
"I might just be alone"
"I might just be by myself".
And then, like a dead man walking
He lifts his head from the pillow
A pillow now moist with tear-water
He lifts his emaciated body
Wondering if what he is about to do might be a mistake
And then he is reminded that he can no longer live on more day in such pain
He thinks of his mom.
His unborn child.
His......
He can not bare to say that word...
A word they will never know
A secret he will take to his grave
The grave that those around him thought would stay unoccupied for many years to come
But he knows better
He knows what he is about to do
He then drags his limp body out of the bed
He thinks
"Are these going to be my last steps"
He cant help but smile a little
He cant help but be a little scared.
Where will he go?
Maybe...
Maybe life isn't as bad?
Maybe if i just take the pills?
Now he makes his way to the bathroom
He locks the white door slowly
And once its closed
He unwillingly falls with his back against it
His knees shake as he thinks about life after life
But he has no choice
His head now between his knees
His hands cold
His feet blue and purple
Hands angry
Filled with rage
His hands hit him
Powerful blows to the head
And again
And again
In the back of the head
He pulls
And Pulls
Hair and More Hair now fills the floor
He removes his head from the safe haven his knees create
He is so ashamed
To ashamed to cry he thinks
"Your are so pathetic"
Now suddenly he has energy
He rushes to his fathers shaving scissors
"You are going to suffer you idiot"
"You are going to suffer"
And with this new burst of energy he twists open the scissors
Taking the sharp edge
He cuts deep
Deep into the flesh of his arm
Blood comes gushing out
He closes his eyes
Raises his head
He thinks
"You will suffer"
And
Again
And again
He cuts and cuts and cuts
and now he is man enough to cry
He cries
And he cries
The the clear tears mixed with red
His eyes as red as the blood he lies in
His face as wet as a dreary winters night
His eyes heavy with fatigue
His 19 year old body loosing strength
He thinks
"Cant I just lie here"
"And die a slow death"
"Like i deserve"
And then his eyes close.........
He hopes this is the last time
He feels so so tired
Unnaturally tired for someone that has been sleeping for 2 weeks straight
He feels weak
He feels like a failure
He is a moron
He is not Loved
"Who are you"
"Who have you become?"
"I hate you"
With his last strength he drags his half dead body to the bath
He finds the plug before he collapses
He hits his head and
More blood
He is determined
He opens the cold water tap
He fills the bath
And truly with the Last strength he has
Every last ounce of life left in him is used to get into that bath
And in that moment
The moment when his body rest in a cool bath of water
And he lowers his head into what seems like an eternity of water
Sam finally finds peace.
A world free of judgment
A world free of ridicule
A world free of medication
And most important...a world free of Sam...

He didn't say why
He simply wrote:
"It was better this way."

I've never read a poem about suicide or depression before, so I commend you for taking on taking such a hard topic.

I was depressed once to the point where I contemplated suicide, and this poem doesn't shy away from the dark areas. You explored the hatred, the insomina and the self-abuse. It actually brought out real emotion in me when I read the ending.

I don't see any awkward phrasing. If there was any from a technical viewpoint, it managed to fit well with the emotion of the poem.

This is one of my favorite poems I've ever read because it's so straightforward.

GRADE: A+

I too like this poem.
Really, I only have one suggestion for you. I would examine the second half of your poem. I noticed little or no punctuation in it, which is fine if one is trying to create a rushed feeling, but otherwise something of an error. If you are trying to create a rushed feeling, I would use more short and terse verses. Shorter words also help, as does including many conjunctions, a literary technique known as polysyndeton.
All in all, an excellent poem. My congratulations on the product of your labors!

Hi Kevothewriter,

Have you ever heard of Chinese water torture? As I've heard it, the victim is placed in a position where droplets of water drip onto his forehead, one drop every ten seconds. After a while, the victim is so maddened by the endless repetition that he goes insane and begs for death.

This poem is unfortunately similar. You end every line with a period or some other definitive ending mark, removing any possibility of fluidity of your writing. It's boring, and I couldn't get myself to care about the content, simply because the format of the writing was so bad. Diversify your lines, stanzas, and phrases.

In addition,

"Your are so pathetic"

Enough said, and kind of ironic too. Fix your grammar; you're 19 years old and have no excuse to type like a toddler.

Hope that helped,
Galerius