I can't stop you now.

So. Maybe I’m just nervous.
Or maybe I’m legally insane.
Maybe I just can’t think,
Since I don’t have anyone to blame.

Maybe I just don’t get it.
Or Maybe I just don’t Mind.
Maybe I’m just so confused,
That I think that everything is fine.

But I guess ill move along,
And not think about you anymore.
I guess ill just have to let you date her.
That skinny, tiny, petite, little whore.

This was nice, simple and easy to relate to. Every girl has been here at this point, looking at what they long for and seeing it with someone new. Someone who couldn't possibly care as much as you do yourself. I love the second line, cause I identify with insanity for sure. The rhyme and rhythm of this is really impressive to, it's something I strive to capture when I write, and you did it quite well. Happy Valentine's day, here's to there being a whole year till the next one.

Ouch! What a bitter ending.

Critique time.

The rhythm in the last line of verse one made me stumble a bit. It seems to have a beat too many.

In the last verse you've used the word "ill" twice, instead of "I'll". YWS has a spellchecker that should clear that up within a few seconds, which is an easy fix to five your work a boost.

Apart from that, nice poem. The ending took me by surprise, but that's why I loved it. Keep it up

Thanks to both of you :]. I'll fix the rhythm and the grammar next time. But thank you guys :]

Accurate use of the term whore.
For this I will not shank you for writing love poetry
Don't do it again.

I liked this poem a lot! It has great rhythm. I didn't like the last two lines though but everyone likes different things, right?

FLyerS: why would you shank me for writing a love poem!??! and lol thanks for not doing so!

Animia: thanks :] and i guess we do all have different tastes. but i might change the last two lines... it doesnt flow as much as i want it twoo

but thank you all for comments :]

Hi FazoliMoli123,

FlyerS is telling you not to write a love poem because as demonstrated here, most of those written by people who can't do it right fail miserably. This was boring. Nobody cares about who's dating who and who broke up with who, unless you manage to make us feel what you're feeling.

All you're doing right now is forcing us to sit there and listen to you gripe and moan. We're not psychologists, and we sure don't get paid the good money to act like them. So please don't post this kind of stuff on the forums; either keep it in your diary or write about a topic, any topic, in a way that helps us correlate to the problem, not just "listen" to it vapidly. Imagery is a good way to start. Probe your mind for what you consider to be good images, good descriptions, good comparisons. What is love like? What does it feel like? Use that in your poetry.

Hope that helped,
Galerius

I whole-heartedly agree with galerius. Love poems are so cliche, everyone wants to say something, but unless you can do it in a way that other people want to read, you can't write a good one. I know it's tough, but maybe ones that aren't from experience are better. I've just tried to make situations from imagination and that helped convey emotion. Like, how would I feel if this happened, and then I write about it

Thanks guys. I'll make sure i don't post love ones. hhaha, unless they are amazing... or i think possibly they could be okay! but thank you :]

Haha! Nice ending.

there's just this one correction in your poem... please don't forget:

But I guess ill move along

I guess ill just have to let you date her.

It should have been I'll.

But anyway, your poem is nice and it has its own rhythm.

I think at the last line in the poem you put to many words having tiny and petite just didn't make sense. I would take out the tiny and just leave petite it would sound much better that way. The last sentence in the poem was a shocker but I think it went well with what you were saying. I thought your poem was very beautiful and I can relate to it and thats what good poetry is about, relating to the subject.