You People

2 posts
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Quetseli
Gender Female
Points 4815
Reviews 45
Wed Mar 17, 2010 10:44 pm
Quetseli says... · Wed Mar 17, 2010 10:44 pm
You people never understand me
You people only hate
You people taunt and tease
And laugh in my face
You people never see me
You people just walk pass
You people bumb me in the hallway
And I don't hear a "Sorry"
You people never hear me
You people steal my voice
You people laugh at me
When I have something to say
It's you people that I hate
It's you people that burn me
It's you people that can't believe
That you killed me

And yet this still happens today...
And I vow oath to this creed and all who are within it, to protect and value them all.
-Altorian Guard Recruit Ceremony
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fiction903
Gender Female
Points 15446
Reviews 136
Wed Mar 17, 2010 11:28 pm
fiction903 says... · Wed Mar 17, 2010 11:28 pm
You people never understand me
You people only hate
You people taunt and tease
And laugh in my face
You people never see me
You people just walk pass
You people bumb me in the hallway
And I don't hear a "Sorry"
You people never hear me
You people steal my voice
You people laugh at me
When I have something to say
It's you people that I hate
It's you people that burn me
It's you people that can't believe
That you killed me
I think the repetition of "You" in this poem does not work to your advantage. Also in the poem when you say " You people bumb me in the hallway." I think you might mean bump me in the hallway.If I were you I would also add punctuation. Have a great day. Fiction
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2 posts


Human minds are more full of mysteries than any written book and more changeable than the cloud shapes in the air.
— Louisa May Alcott