Despite what many of her employees might say about her, Allegra did not enjoy murder at all. It was a very unpleasant crime, but necessary in her line of work.
The only joy she took from it was finding new and creative ways to carry out the unfortunate sentence. The alligators were a new touch. She’d had them flown in from The Southern Colonies of Poland. She found them quite poetic. Allegra liked things to be poetic.
However creative and unusual her methods were, they were generally very effective, which is why she was surprised- only a few short hours after she had carried out her latest sentence- to find Felix Van Doren on her doorstep. He was dripping wet, but he certainly did not look as if he had just been devoured by alligators.
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It turned out that in addition to his high self esteem and great hair, Felix Van Doren also happened to be incredibly lucky. If you asked him about it, he would tell you that it was because he made his own luck. Literally.
Felix did not believe that luck just happened on its own; he believed that it was something you had to strive for. That was why he always carried a vial of his lucky “Ambrosia” with him. It was an old family recipe – part mead, part a whole lot of other things – that seemed to get him out of just about every situation that his quick thinking couldn’t.
It seemed that, as well as being a great substitute for invisible ink, sealing letters, greasing hinges and bribing small children, Ambrosia was also- to a reptile- a tasty meal. The alligators devoured Felix’s last bottle, which although it was quite lamentable, happened to save him from the even more lamentable fate of being devoured by alligators himself. He saw it as a decent compromise.
Under the ancient city (under the modern city) of Luxembourg, there is a thousand year old sewer system that stretches all the way from the north of the capital through to the south. Felix had thought it was just a myth. The myth did not mention anything about alligators, but knowing Allegra he couldn’t really say that he was surprised. The myth was evidently behind on the times.
After a few frantic minutes of sloshing through the ancient sewers, he’d managed to find his way out. And so- after an hour-long walk across town- he arrived on his employer’s doorstep approximately two hours after she’d sent him to his death.
Allegra opened the door.
“Yes-” She noticed Felix, and sighed. “I suppose those alligators aren’t really a practical solution. Wait here for a minute. I’ll have Daphne fetch a machete.”
She made no move to leave.
“You said that you’d let me go.” He glared accusingly at her.
“I did. I also never said where I’d let you go. I always keep my word Felix. But you wouldn’t know anything about that.”
Her fists were clenched tightly. For all her feigned nonchalance, Felix could see that his resurrection had unsettled her.
“Allegra! Don’t you trust me?” He smiled, pleased to have the upper hand in their relationship for once. His boss was rarely unsettled. She was more of the unsettling type.
“Considering that a mere two hours ago you sold out the UnIncorporation at the slightest sign of danger to yourself, I’m going to say no.”
“Considering the size of the knife and the character of the person wielding it, I would say that it was much more than the slightest sign.”
Allegra reached into the hall behind her and pulled a dagger out of the umbrella stand, never taking her eyes off of him. He supposed, seeing as Allegra had just tried to kill him, that he should be uneasy with the fact that she was holding a dagger, but he knew that she wouldn't want to literally have his blood on her hands. She preferred to defer that position to her minions. The attempted murder was more of a wound to his ego than anything.
“I just walked halfway across the city, soaking wet, to come see you- immediately after you tried to kill me. Don’t you even want to hear what I have to say?”
“Not really, no.” She began to sharpen the dagger on metal door frame.
“Daphne is a spy.”
That caught her attention.
“Or a traitor. Or both. Go to the meeting early tonight, and watch for her. She’ll arrive about half an hour before it starts and be off with the crown jewels of Bohemia long before anyone else even arrives.” He was guestimating a little on the last part, but knowing his luck, it would slide.
“You expect me to trust you?”
“Oh, come on Allegra. You really think I didn’t know it was you? Do you “Inspect” people often?”
“Of course.” She ran a manicured finger along the dagger, testing its cutting edge for sharpness.
“And have you ever caught a disloyal employee before?”
“No. But I make it a habit not to hire any.”
“Allegra, you’re a terrible actress; any employee with half a brain could see that it was you. And the rest are too stupid to connive. You might have almost pulled it off without the candles and the robe... well not really. Shall we go to the meeting?”
Allegra hesitated a moment, before nodding. She did not put down the dagger.
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The next day, as Daphne was being taken to a secure holding facility for “questioning” Felix was enjoying his much deserved promotion. His sprained wrist was healing nicely, but his suit was unfortunately not. He supposed he could write it off as a business expense. Felix had yet to figure out any of the benefits or responsibilities of his new promotion, but it paid better. And when it came down to it, Felix knew that money was what was most important.
He’d always thought that Daphne was suspicious. Admittedly, a good deal of it had to do with the time she told him his shirt looked like a woman’s blouse. But, regardless, he’d had his suspicions even before last Friday, when he’d seen her at the Fifth Street Bank depositing an unusually large envelope. She had assisted him with a delivery at the palace of the Duke of Luxembourg that day, and on Saturday the Duchess’s necklace was reported missing.
All he’d needed was evidence, and the right moment to act. It had all been quite easy. Well not really- mostly it was luck. And that was something that Felix never ran short of.
Felix Van Doren was terrible at many things; he was an appalling cook, would probably take candy from a baby if you paid him enough and couldn’t sing to save his life. But one thing was for sure – he was good at his job.
