My Insanity

Intro (Same as part A verse)
Verse:
Golden frames
turn to clay
and all that was once familiar
turns oh so strange.

There are eyes
in every corner and shadow
and their watching your
every move.

(Pre-chorus)

chorus:
This insanity (insanity)
is overflowing from me!
And everything we see
is just an illusion.
My insanity
is eating me from the inside,
and it is
just killing me slowly.

(dissorted)[Oh God help me, It hink my time has come. What's that axe for? mister? NO!]

verse:
Everything I know is gone
and they took me away
to a building with crazies
they all laugh at me.
(disorted)[I'll show them! yes, yes I will. they'll all see. Laughing at me. I'll kill them.... kill them all!!!]

(chorus) without the dissorted part.

Solo

Verse part B:

Crazy
but only by popular vote!
Nowadays sanity
is the majority choise!
Mad people running amock
turning the world around!
Sane people locked up.
for crimes they hadn't done!
This asylum,
is not my thing!

(chorus) without dissorted part

part A verse:
(dissorted)[and everything you know has gone. Everyone is dust. The best of wine tastes like blood and the sky is gone. The armagedon is just a dream, since this is worse. I taste your fear. The enemy is attacking from the rear! Oo. Death is here! oo o death is near!.]

end play entrance:
And as we go to sleep,
the nightmares appear.
Who are we to judge
what we have created?

This is my insanity---

End play (part A verse)

Hey, Lord Anzius. Nice to see you!

Let's get right down to it. I am reluctant to give any real advice because these lyrics are about insanity. The music could carry so much of these words that they would hardly need to be edited if you could manage to make it that powerful, but I'm going to pick out a few things that I think don't work anyways.

and all your friends

turn into enemies.

It's just that these words are too normal for this kind of powerful work. I mean, there's someone going crazy, someone with an axe, and you start with such silly, every day words. I suppose that could be used to your advantage, by slowly easing the listener into this mood, but that depends on what you intend to do. If you didn't want to start slowly, make these words better. Maybe use a metaphor for this shift. Something like: 'all your light turns to shadows' but NOT because the next stanza talks about shadows.

This insanity (insanity)

is overflowing within me!

And everything I see

Makes me all the more crazy!

The chorus will need to be especially strong, because if someone wants to sing along, they don't want to sing words that sound silly, right? The phrase 'overflowing within me' sound silly. So does 'all the more'. These are just filler syllables, in my opinion, and you should rework what you're saying so that EVERY word means something. Not all of my words mean something, so don't worry. It's something we all have to work on.

Nowadays sanity

is the majority choise!

Mad people running amock

turning the world around!

Sane people sitting in the bin.

This asylu,

Ahh, first of all, check the spelling of your works before you submit them okay. Second of all, this is the best verse in my opinion. It has some really nice ideas about insanity and makes an interesting point that people will think about. But I think you covered the message up by ruining it with rhyme. If you want things to rhyme in this song, you have to make them rhyme without forcing them to rhyme. Just like in poetry, if some kind of rhyme feels forced, the reader will know about it! Try to rework this, too.

A lot of this is really good and can be really great if you get creative with the music and melody behind it. I feel like it could be powerful if done right, but you should also attempt to bring the words up to par with the rest.

Good luck, and PM me if you have any questions about my review!

-Hannah-

Anzius! It's been somewhat forever, has it not?

I felt like this song was a bit all over the place. It probably works alright, given the theme of the song, but I'm used to seeing more consistency. I mean, you had verse A and verse B part 1 and chorus and pre-chorus and chorus without the dissorted part and the dissorted part only and solo and end play and end play part A and it just felt suffocating to me.

The dissorted parts were maybe the most interesting, though. One suggestion I have:

(dissorted)[Oh God help me, It hink my time has come. What's that axe for? mister? NO! NO! Don't! Don't kill me! no!]

I think you could do well without the bit in bold, because it's quite redundant and you don't want to make anything too obvious. I mean, if you delete that part, I imagine it would give the feeling of suspense a lot better. And to a point, people want to make their own interpretations of the songs they're listening to, and if you shove it like this into their ears, there's not much room for their own imagination. It's much more powerful that way.


The same thing might also apply to the second dissorted part, but I don't feel as strongly about it.


My favourite part is probably the end play. It's somehow so simple, yet pretty. I don't know if that's the impression you were reaching for, but for me it works.

So I just decided to drop by quickly, because I saw your name up there and it's nice to know you haven't completely resigned from here! Nähdään!


Demeter
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