A Creepy Tale Pour Toi

It's not the street i usually go on,
i always turn right
but there was something about rue 147
that drew me in that night.

Perhaps it was the flickering streetlamps,
casting shadows true,
which hid a man of great stature,
who would have even frightened you.

And as he came fourth
from the crumbling building's side
he leaned in mischievously
as if in me, to confide.

'I'm so hungry, miss
you haven't got a clue
and it's not every day i meet
someone innocent as you.'

dark eyes glinting
he put a hand to my throat
said 'trust me, ma'am'
took the wallet from my coat

while my knees weakly shook
panting, i realized
there is a reason being for roads,
a little bit 'less traveled by'

Hey, KatTrain! Nice to meet you, I'm Chisel!

First of all, I would like to say that this poem is very original. When I first read it, the setting made me feel as if I witnessed 19th century England, with misty, dark streets (although I do realize that your mentioning of the word "rue" must have meant that the setting of this poem was France). Somewhere where Jack the Ripper and other criminals might have committed their murders, escaping in the night. As well, I liked how you referenced Frost's poem in the last stanza.

What I think will make your poem sound better is if you would focus on its meter and the rhyming pattern. I presume that the latter is "a-b-c-b, d-e-f-e" and so on. In your sixth stanza, however, "realized" and "by" don't seem to rhyme. Was it your grand finale? I just thought that because it stood out in the end. The third stanza seems a little forced: "to confide" sounds kind of awkward. The same goes to the second stanza, "even" doesn't seem to fit. Make sure to use proper capitalization and punctuation in your writing as well. These are just little things, if you want to fix something!

These were my favorite stanzas, they flowed so smoothly!

KatTrain wrote:'I'm so hungry, miss
you haven't got a clue
and it's not every day i meet
someone innocent as you.'

dark eyes glinting
he put a hand to my throat
said 'trust me, ma'am'
took the wallet from my coat

Take care, and keep writing!


P.S. I like your signature.