As Silent Tears Dance

This is so far my favorite poem I've written... I don't know why. Maybe someone can give me some insight.

As Silent Tears Dance

A tear
falls
down her cheek...
it caresses,
shimmering
in the moonlit night.
Blonde strands of hair
fall in her cold blue-grey eyes
as she weeps.
Her hands
got to her face.
Her body shakes
in a moment of dispair
as silent tears dance.

"A tear falls down her cheek...
it caresses,
shimmering
in the moonlit night.
Blonde strands of hair
fall in her cold blue-grey eyes
as she weeps.
her hands
got to her face.
Her body shakes
in a moment of dispair
as silent tears dance."

Eh...I changed it a little. I think it sounds/looks better like this, in my personal opinion but this is your favorite poem so you might not wanna change it, I dunna know. Either way, I loved the imagery and even the it was kinda cliche I still liked it. And as I said before, your style is cool.

It's pretty cool. The only thing that really bugged me was the "dispair". It's actually "despair".

Other than that, I liked the imagery of a tear carressing a person's cheek as it falls, as well as "her body shakes in a moment of despair".

Good work.

I don't have a critique -- there's nothing there worth critiquing.

Some poets make the mistake of opening up too large an issue, others focus on microcosmic spectacles. You achieved the latter. So while I don't have a 'critique' (other than enjambment issues), I'm going to suggest you open up a little bit.

After reading this, I thought: why should I care? Self-referential poetry is good so long as it is engaging, which is debatable, if you've read any Derrida, but we're going to stick by some general guidelines for progression and publication. So make this a stanza of a much larger poem that expounds on the despair of human nature, the sexuality that is bound up in all power-systems, etc. You can do it, I'll bet.

Screw Incandescence. I hate him. Lol. I should give him credit that once he was online, and I got all emotional at him and he let me, because I needed to talk to/at someone, and he was there, and that was cool. But he definitely has way way way too many ideas for how things should and shouldn't be done, and I think it really limits his perceptions of things. I don't think that he really believed what he said about your poem, I think he just looked for rules that it meets and doesn't, and then gave an answer. So screw him, because I like it, and I hate him.

I do agree with Chevy that it's a bit cliche. But then again, you can't blame a writer for what other people have done, and that's what nagging people about cliches is. The imagery is good, and it is short and sweet and that's what I liked about it.