sic semper sit

This is actually a third draft! I don't know where to go with this, or if it's even coherent, so I'm looking for a lot of concrit. Thanks!

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sic semper sit (1)

The world burns while rotating on its axis
as you count every vertebrae of my spine.
We will inhale the last oxygen,
grind the last apple,
weep the last salt.
Then we must leave our bones,
so keep the marrow close.
Watch closely as the mountains crumble
and the oceans boil to mere molecules.

Remember our last nights,
and the last time my fingers traced your outline.
This will keep you warm in the winters among the stars.
Mourn as Revelations shake dust into every crevice
but do not stop.

I will rest when you rest,
I will haunt every shadow that follows.
Sic semper erat,
et sic semper erit. (2)

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1. Latin: Thus it shall always be.
2. Latin: Thus it has always been, and thus it will always be.

This is good. Very apocalyptic, while, at the same time, being grounded on earth, in a relationship between two people. The juxtaposition is nice.

You start off strong. Stanza one delivers your opening punch quite nicely. I find it interesting that you mention both apple and salt in the same breath. Both items have biblical connotations. The apple was what caused Adam and Eve to fall. Salt was what Lot's wife was turned to when she looked back on Sodom. These items signify finality, or being unable to go back to an earlier state, which contradicts your title and closing line, to a certain degree. Then again, I may be reading a little too far into the meaning of those two objects...Regardless, the line "We will inhale the last oxygen,/the last apple,/weep the last salt" is my favorite line. In lines 6 and 7, you repeat the word "close", which threw me off a little bit. Consider changing that.

Your second stanza is your weakest stanza. Here, my attention wanes. Lines 1-3 are just plain boring. There's nothing really to them, and the mention of stars here, for some reason (and though I use them plenty in my own writing), seems a bit cliche. What do lines 4 and 5 even mean? I imagine you're referring to the Book of Revelations?

Your closing stanza is appropriate in its simplicity, even if I generally frown on including lines of a foreign language. The footnotes clutter the streamlined-ness of a poem, and they could seem as a gimmick to some. However, Latin brings to mind ancient, eternal things, which coincides with some of your themes in this poem.

Good job,

-Kylan