The Unfinished World

Feel free to comment on this one, I don't even think it's that good. This is another random one, so please don't ask !


I wrote of a world,
a world where the wind whispers melodies of old

A world where treasure,
is more than hidden hearts that glint and glimmer

A world where the stars above,
they are departed souls guiding the living

A world where love is more than a game,
no tears lost, no broken hearts won

I wrote to bring the lovers there,
a place to be free, to prosper, to laugh and to love

I wrote for a perfect world,
for the tranquil beauty never to spoil,
for the pure light of the moon to always shine

But then...
The candle went out
The hammer fell
The sun set...
And never rose

I wrote for a world,
but wrote no more...

Hey Natibabes! Here to review your poem. Hope you find this helpful.

I wrote of a world,
a world where the wind whispers melodies of old

A world where treasure,(confusing. not sure what you're saying)
is more than hidden hearts that glint and glimmer

A world where the stars above,
they (no need for the word they)are departed souls guiding the living

A world where love is more than a game,
no tears lost, no broken hearts won (totally awesome!)

I wrote to bring the lovers there,
a place to be free, to prosper, to laugh and to love (is love not being a game going to set lovers free?)

I wrote for a perfect world,
for the tranquil beauty never to spoil,
for the pure light of the moon to always shine

But then...
The candle went out
The hammer fell
The sun set...
And never rose

I wrote for a world,
but wrote no more...(good ending)

Ok. Good poem overall. Some things seemed to contradict themselves but good. I especially love the line about love not being a game. The poem is also very original. It had an unique form and pattern to it. The end changes that pattern, which can be a good thing or a bad one. Personally, I liked the change. Good work!