Religion

You know when you close your eyes,
and you don't know exactly
what color you're looking at?

You know when you look around you,
without moving your head?
And you don't know exactly
where your peripheral ends?

I know why.

We’re humans.

We just aren't meant to know
these kinds of things. Simple
things, like why or how,
so let's try to forget religion.
Just for a second.
Close the book
on who created the universe
where you go when you die
whether it is a grave
or you live once more in another body
or you go to heaven or hell.
Let's close the book.

Very straightforward and I see what you're getting at. Nice. Personally I'd rather say, "Why does it matter so badly?" but anyway! Well done. *LIKED*

Thank you for the input. ^^

xKelle_Bellex wrote:You know when you close your eyes,
and you don't know exactly
what color you're looking at? This is a beautiful piece of imagery. I love the contrast of confusion and serenity. Wonderful opening.

You know when you look around you,
without moving your head?
And you don't know exactly
where your peripheral ends? Do you mean peripheral vision?

I know why.

We’re humans.

We just aren't meant to know
these kinds of things. Simple This is just a preference, but I think you should give "Simple things" its own line, because I see pauses between "simple" and "things".
things, like why or how,
so let's try to forget religion.
Just for a second.
Close the book
on who created the universe
where you go when you die
whether it is a grave
or you live once more in another body
or you go to heaven or hell.
Let's close the book.

You closed with one of the most beautiful endings I've ever read in poetry. I loved how you just collected questions, imagery and details and just summed the answer up in one line. It hit me hard.

This is an extremely wonderful poem. Well worth reading.

i can easily relate to this poem, all together i thought it was very good

finally someone else who thinks like me! This was a wonderfully written poem with a very good train of thought. i will look out for more of your posts

Hey there,
Erm, first thoughts? Brilliant message! The imagery is obviously simplistic but it works really well, so your conveying the message to full affect. I especially liked the involvement of the reader you crafted with rhetorical questions as well, it's somewhat gripping and more thought provoking.

things, like why or how,

I agree with your choice of starting the new line here, it was a good move because you split it from simple, which I just liked. No reason why, just did. I think you shouls swap "why" and "how" around though, I read it better as like how or why, but hey these are just little, tiny things.

Keep up the good writing,
Ben

Hi! I like that you created a sort of metaphor here, but I think it could be better. I mean, what if you didn't say religion at all? It's just that we seem to flit from one topic to the other kind of suddenly. I really like the first part, until after you say that we're humans. What if after that you carried on talking about sight, because sight, as you have already established, is a metaphor for seeing things like reasons why we're here and how we got here. If this was my poem, I would say something about being able to see the beginning of the earth and the end, (creation and death, of course) see above us and below (heaven and hell) and try to make the metaphor that way, rather than saying religion outright. I would also like to read more about why you think we should do "close the book" - maybe focusing on life day to day, the here and now, etc? Of course it's up to you though, it's just an idea and I hope you find it useful. I really like your lines about "closing the book", etc. I just think you need to make a bit of a stronger link between the first and second part of the poem, and give your reader a bit more of a reason to do what you suggest. Hope that helps!