more random poems

Black hair, black clothes
Black hair, black clothes.
Escape the world, it blows.
Then what am I, but another sheep?
Following a crowd of outcasts that don’t want to follow or be followed.
When you seek to be unique,
others follow, copy and ruin.
Ruin your unique and specialness,
ruin your identity.
Black hair, black clothes.
I give up;
I shall follow
and in return be followed.
Black hair, black clothes.
I give in,
I’m a goth.
I’m a freakin stereotypical goth.
Screw unique,
I’m one of them now.
Black hair, black clothes.
Screw the world; it BLOWS!

Darkness
Darkness,
it blankets me.
Darkness,
it’s the unknown.
Surprises fill it,
but little surprises me.
Movement.
Imagination escalates.
Heart accelerates.
Darkness,
frightens some.
Not me.
I embrace it.

Hello! Welcome to YWS. Don't forget to review other people's work, and then you'll get more reviews too.

I quite like these, particularly the first poem. It reminds me of me when I was your age, and that was a really happy time. However, I think both of these need to look more like poems, so that they are recognisable as poems and are easier to read. So play around with them and see where you want line breaks to be and what length of lines look best. I like the second poem as well but I think it could do with some more detail, like more of an explanation of the points made in the last couple of sentences.

i like the way you repeated 'black hair, black clothes' through out the poem. when most people try that it sounds bad, but this flowed nicely. what i don't understand about the second poem is that if the narrator isn't scared by darkness what's with

Movement. Imagination escalates. Heart accelerates.

??? to me that looks like fear

Hello!

Welcome to YWS!
I agree with Matt, you need to break these up so that they look like poems. You can have the line breaks in any place you want so you can tweak it and make it really effective. I particularly liked the second poem. It reminds me so much of how I was when I was little, scared of the dark but acting like I wasn't.

Well Done overall. Just watch the formatting

Keep Writing
~Lydia

Hey BigM,

I think your problem here is structuring the poetry, because the rhythm I interpret and the images you portray are very well written. What you should do, like some people have mentioned, is break up your lines, but also introduce some additional punctuation, I think you have room to have a bit of fun with it and really make this poem it's own. Give it some true originality!

Keep up the writing though & I hope this helps you edit these and improve in a general sense,
~Ben