Chapter 2: Horribly Familiar
Ignoring my terrorizing headache, I made my way up the stairs, ready to enter school without Dillon, for the very first time. It’s weird how many dreams I can have of him in only one night. I reached the hallway with my locker when I remembered Damien’s little promise from yesterday. He’s waiting at my locker.
“Roe!”
Damien shattered my thought process for a second. He’s running down the hallway towards me. I stopped and let him close the distance. I can literally feel everyone’s eyes boring into my face. I felt my cheeks blush as soon as Damien wrapped his arms around me.
“I’ve been here for a couple of minutes now,” he said, “Do you know the bell is about to ring?”
“Yeah, I underestimated the amount of time it’d take me to get to school walking.”
“You won’t be walking anymore, I’m going to pick you up from your house everyday.”
“Really, Damien,” I argued, “There’s no need. I just have to leave my house earlier from now on.”
“No, I will be at your house at exactly seven forty every morning,” he promised, “Trust me.” Okay, I trust him. Well, now everything’s awkward. What should we talk about? Why is it that when my crush is finally paying attention to me and I can’t think of a single thing to say?
“What’s your first class?” he asked. I was about to answer when Dillon entered the hallway and my attention took off with him.
“You got a game tonight?” one of his friends asked as he passed by. Dillon flashed his smile at him and nodded, putting up his hand to be high fived.
“We’re going to win!” he called back as he started walking away, “I promise!” The people around him started to call shouts of encouragement, turning to their own conversations with the excitement of tonight’s game. Dillon is walking in my direction. He’s not walking to me, just this way.
For just a split second, we made eye contact, my gray eyes to his green ones. He looked at me and his face fell, his mouth closed and his hands were shoved into his pockets. Then he tripped.
The people around us started to laugh but I stayed silent, watching him act like he thought it was funny too and keep walking as if it never happened. I watched him leave, going down the stairs I just came up from. He glanced one last time before he disappeared into another hallway.
“So,” Damien said, getting my attention.
“Yeah?” I asked. He stared at me, bringing his hand to my face and brushing a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Your hair just gets in your pretty face and covers your eyes,” he said. It’s a miracle I haven’t exploded in a giggle fit.
“Yeah,” I said, “But who’d want to see my face when I have that crazy tattoo and then my eyes are flecked with pink?” He didn’t smile at all, he just frowned.
“You’re Kast is so beautiful,” he said, “You just don’t realize it.”
“Why don’t you have any of those features?” I asked, suddenly suspicious. His face held nothing but pure beauty and his eyes were a clear liquid dark blue. His skin remains unflawed throughout his face. His voice is husky, but somehow it’s also smooth.
"Um, I don’t think I should tell--”
The shrill bell rang again and we both looked up to the speakers. Why am I always late for class?
“Why won’t you tell me?” I asked.
“It’s not a good idea for me to tell you...yet,” he hesitated.
“Tell me later,” I suggested.
“Later,” he agreed and bent down to kiss me on the cheek.
“I won’t forget,” I called after him. He turned his head around and stared at me.
“Okay,” he muttered. Why wouldn’t he want to tell me why he doesn’t have the sign of the Kast? What? Is he embarrassed or something? The bell rang again. The tardy bell!
Running to class I rounded the corner of the hallway and skidded across the small corridor. A large dark figure was hunched over around the corner, staring out the doors leading to the quad. A ditcher. Well, I’m not like that, I have to get to class and learn and be smart.
I started to walk in the direction of my classroom, also the direction where the boy is staring at the doors. Why hurry if I’m already late? I shifted my bag on my shoulder, feeling it’s weight for the first time today. It doesn’t weigh as much. But I didn’t take anything out of it. I didn’t even do my homework last night. What?
Completely distracted by the sudden lightness of my bag, I rounded the corner and, forgetting the ditcher, I ran right into him. Except this boy isn’t a ditcher, or at least I hope he isn’t.
“Sorry,” I apologized, staring up at Dillon’s green eyes. He closed his mouth and slipped away, going in the direction I just came from. Again, I watched him leave, escape me. He can’t even forgive me for bumping into him? Jerk.
* * *
For the rest of the day I did not see Damien or Dillon. Dillon’s avoiding me and I’m avoiding Damien. Although I really have no reason to except that I feel so awkward whenever Damien talks to me. Why the sedulous attention to me all of a sudden? It’s too random for me to trust, and unless he can explain himself, I’m going to feel like this for a while.
Pushing open the doors to the front of the school, I walked out into the sunlight and looked around, hoping Dean had already arrived so I won’t have to deal with an uncomfortable situation with Damien, then again, I love the little shocks that pass through my body whenever he looks at me. Stop, Esme, you’re not official yet. I sighed heavily and walked down the stairs to the parking lot, avoiding some of the stares of the people passing by me. Let them stare, yes, I’m different, but I used to be exactly like them. I don’t understand what’s so wrong about me now.
Dillon’s 300 backed out of its space in the middle of the small student parking lot, blasting music so loud it’s a mystery to me how his brain can handle all that bass. He got caught in the traffic jam leaving the school, and stayed idling in the middle of the blacktop. In that short amount of time, he looked up at his rear view mirror, and I automatically knew that he knows I’m standing here. I locked eyes with him for half a second, and looked away, angry. Screw him! If he doesn’t want anything to do with me then I don’t want anything to do with him!
I stalked off towards the corner of the street where Dean promised he’d meet me. Dillon’s eyes followed me until I looked back and shot him a glare. Does he enjoy watching me become frustrated and enraged? He probably does!
I leaned against the stop sign pole and clenched my hands into fists. Stay calm, I ordered myself, I’ll get over it. Angry tears sprouted in my eyes and I wiped at them furiously, getting angrier for letting myself cry. I did this enough for him yesterday and I don’t need to do it anymore! He doesn’t deserve my tears! He doesn’t deserve me as his best friend!
“Why are you crying?” a voice asked. I turned around and searched for the speaker. His hands were inside his jean pockets and his head was tilted to the side, staring at me with curiosity.
“I’m not crying,” I answered Ralph, turning away from him. I heard him sigh heavily and his hand grabbed my shoulder, turning my body back to him.
“Then why are your eyes all red and puffy and long tears are dripping from them?” he asked, “It’s not a pretty sight.” I moved and slapped his arm, earning a few laughs from him. “I’m serious,” he chuckled, “You look like a mess! I’m just being your best friend! It’s my job to tell you the truth!”
Despite myself, I started to laugh with him, wiping my tears away and letting the carefree feeling pass through me.
“Thanks,” I said, “I guess I’m just feeling a little alone.” He frowned and his big brown eyes turned down.
“But you have me and that loser Damien,” he said.
“He’s not a loser,” I said immediately, “But it’s just that, I keep running into Dillon and you know how long that lasted so it’s just…different.”
“I don’t want you to feel alone,” he grabbed my hand in both of his. “I’ll be there for you, always count on me. Dillon’s being an ass. If you want, I can beat him up for you,” he suggested. I laughed a shaky laugh and pulled away from him.
“Thank you,” I said.
“You’re very welcome,” he responded. He hugged me and smoothed back my hair. When he pulled away he lifted my head up by placing a finger under my chin and pulling up. “I’m serious about the Dillon thing, it’s your call,” he said, “I’ll see you later, best friend.” He hugged me and turned, calling to a group of people that were more than happy to see him. I smiled. He’s so well liked and such a people person. I just filled out Ralph’s job application. I leaned on the pole again, thinking about what I’m going to do for the weekend. Finally, I thought I’d never get some rest.
“Ah,” I heard a voice behind me say, “So the pretty lady’s tired.” I turned around and Damien put his hands on my waist, puckering his lips all of a sudden. I pushed his face away out of shock and stared at him, his confused face staring back at me. “What’d I do?” he asked, almost as if he’s bewildered.
“Hello?” I asked, “No, it’s not time, yet.”
“Really?” he asked, “Cause I though--”
“No,” I interrupted, “Don’t think anything until I tell you to. God, Damien! You’re so pushy!” He stared off, frustrated.
“Soon?” he asked. I let out a laugh.
“I guess,” I answered, “Sure.” He smiled at me and hugged me, burying his face in my black hair.
“You smell so good!” he said. I laughed and turned around to look up at his face.
“Why so happy all of a sudden?” I asked. He beamed with happiness.
“Because I was thinking about Saturday when I’m going to take you to school and show you off to all those Pariahs that don’t have you,” he said.
“You don’t have me, Damien,” I said, “I’m not an object you can own.” He shrugged.
“Well, you’re the prettiest non-object I don’t own,” he answered. I smiled. Man, why didn’t I just ask him out earlier? He’s amazing. He looked down at me and his face softened in complete seriousness.
“Is it soon yet?” he asked. I started laughing.
“I don’t think so,” I said, “Damien, we’re not going out.” He frowned at me and tightened his arms around my waist.
“Esme Roe,” he said, “I really really really really really like you.” I laughed again, even though that wasn’t really funny.
“And I like you, Damien Montgomery.” He knelt down on one knee and brought his hands to his pants pocket. I stared in disbelief as he fumbled around in there and with a closed hand brought it up halfway between us.
“Esme, I just,” he said, pausing. He opened his hand and revealed nothing but his palm. “I just want you to pretend there’s something there that can make you understand that I want you to be my girlfriend.” I stared down at his empty hand.
“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” I asked. He stood up and placed his hands on my waist again.
“Yes, Esme, will you be my girlfriend?” he asked. I almost exploded in happiness. Almost.
“Yes, I will be your girlfriend,” I said, hugging him closer to me. He smiled and leaned down, touching his forehead to mine.
“Is it soon yet?” he asked again. I smiled, feeling my spirits lifting high up and a feeling of euphoria coursing through my body.
“Why not?”
Damien smiled and leaned down, his breath flowing straight into my mouth, his sweet peppermint breath…
A loud consistent beep sounded behind me and I jumped, hitting Damien’s forehead with my head. He stepped back and we both grabbed our bruises, wincing at the small pain. I turned around, glaring at Dean, who’s furiously beating at the car’s horn.
“Come on,” Dean yelled from his window, “We have to go home now!” Oh, I am going to kill him! Damien cursed silently and turned to me, hugging me again.
“I’ll be at your house tomorrow so we can go to school, be ready by seven forty,” he said. I nodded and kissed his cheek, turning around to face Dean again. Damien started to walk away, his body language speaking in anger. I bet mine is an exact match to his.
“What is your problem?” I asked, opening the door to the car and climbing in.
“He was about to kiss you!” Dean exclaimed.
“That’s what boyfriends do to their girlfriends!” I argued. Dean stared at me with horror, his face contorting over exaggeratedly. “Yes, he’s my boyfriend, Dean! We just went steady!” He made a big show of dying of horror before he pulled out into the street.
“As long as you live under my roof you will abide to my rules!” he said.
“It’s not your roof!” I said, turning to look out the window. Dean started to talk about responsibility and relationships and who knows what else because I decided not to listen to him. He must have noticed I wasn’t listening to him drone on about how I’m too young to have a boyfriend because he eventually shut up.
We drove in silence the rest of the way.
* * *
“Can you believe him, Jenna?” I almost shouted into the phone. Dean is in his room, picking out clothes for his date with his girlfriend, who I’m talking to on the phone.
“Did he apologize?” she asked in her sweet voice.
“No, he did not!” I complained. Jenna gasped on the other side of the line and I automatically knew she’s on my side.
“Don’t you worry, E,” she said, “I’ll make sure he sees right once I’m done with him. Your first boyfriend and he interrupts your first kiss? No! That’s injudicious!”
“New word?” I asked.
“Yeah, word of the day on dictionary dot com,” she said, “I didn’t think I’d find a way to use it in a sentence.”
“Nice,” I replied. Dean walked out of his room, staring at me with angry eyes.
“Buzz kill is leaving already,” I said, loud enough for him to hear. He stared at me, scoffing.
“Bye, Jenna,” I said, “Have fun with your party pooper.”
“Bye, E,” Jenna said, “Don’t worry. It’ll work out just fine.”
I hung up the phone just as Dean reached for it and he froze with his hand in the air, bringing it back to his body after a short pause.
“We probably won’t be home until nine or ten. I left some food in the fridge in case you get hungry. And nobody is allowed over, and by nobody, I mean your little boyfriend,” he warned.
“Whatever,” I grumbled.
* * *
There is nothing to do! I should call someone, but whom? Not Dillon...oh God, Dillon! How can he just leave me like that? We were best friends! I grabbed the phone and punched in the first number that came to mind.
“TMNT headquarters, how may I help you?”
“Ralph? It’s me, Esme,” I answered.
“What’s new, baby boo?” he asked.
“I’m alone and want someone to talk to, so I called you,” I lied, a sudden ache forming in my gut. Maybe I shouldn’t lie if it makes me feel this bad.
“Do you want me to come over?” he asked quickly. Dean did say that by nobody he meant Damien, and Ralph definitely isn’t Damien...
“Sure! It’ll be like old times.”
“Best friend to the rescue,” he added.
“See you in a bit,” I said. The line disconnected and I stood up. I have to fix myself up in the next ten minutes.
Ten minutes passed quickly as I shoved things under couches and sprayed a can of air freshener around the entire house. Even though Ralph won’t probably be going into Dean’s room or the basement or even--
The doorbell rang and I jumped, throwing the can of air freshener into the kitchen as I walked to answer the door. A few steps before the door it flew open and hit me right in the face, knocking me back to the floor. I looked up at Ralph, who was staring at me in shock with his jaw hanging open.
“I am so sorry!” he yelled, closing the door and kneeling down next to me. The pain that passed through my nose seemed muted, so when I spoke I sounded squeaky.
“Ow,” I said, “That really hurt.” He fumbled around, unsure of what to do. I brought my hand up to my face, touching my nose and wincing. Yup, it’s broken. And bleeding. Ralph started to help me up, placing his hands on my back and pushing me upward. Except he pushed a little too hard and I flew straight to the door.
I passed right through it. Landing on the front steps of the porch, I looked up at my completely unharmed closed front door, more surprised than in pain. Ralph burst through the door, his face freezing in an expression of disbelief.
“You just--” he said, trailing off, “How did you do that?” I started to get up, stumbling a little.
“I don’t know,” I answered, “That was really weird.” Ralph walked toward me, guiding me back into the house. He closed the door behind him and led me to the couch.
“You should lay down,” he said. I fell back on the cushions, trying to keep my mouth closed so the blood coming from my nose wouldn’t fall in. Ralph left somewhere, returning with a damp towel and a few antiseptic wipes. How does he know where everything is after so many years?
“Here,” he said, wiping the blood away and placing the towel on my nose, holding my hand over it, “I am so sorry.”
“Thanks, Ralph,” I said, pressing the towel harder on my nose. He took his hand away, leaning back on his legs underneath him. We stayed in silence for the next five minutes, just staring off into space.
“This is awkward,” Ralph said.
“I need fresh air,” I replied, sitting up, “I really just need some fresh air and then we can be best friends and stuff.” Ralph helped me up, letting me lean on him as we walked to the backyard.
I pointed at the bench in the backyard where he could take me and he suddenly lifted me up in his arms, carrying me to the bench as easily as if I were a backpack. He laid me down on the bench, taking a seat next to my head.
“I think I should be sitting up,” I said, starting to the get up. He pulled me back and placed my head in his lap, replacing my hand with his on my bloody towel.
“I am very good at taking care of people,” he said, smiling down at me.
“Great,” I said, “But this is weird.”
“It won’t be weird for long,” he said.
“Ralph, what if you weren’t my best friend? And just a friend like before?” I asked. He looked down at me. Please, Holy Jesus, tell me I didn’t hurt his feelings.
“Okay,” he said, “That’s fine by me.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said, “It’s kind of weird to be best friends all of sudden so I guess I just have to work my way up.” I removed his hand and sat up, turning my body so I could speak comfortably with him.
“You don’t have to work your way up,” I said, “Ralph, I just…Dillon was…”
“The one,” he said, “I know.” I scoffed.
“No,” I said, “He wasn’t anything like that.”
“Really?” he asked, “Because I thought you don’t want me as a best friend because then you might become attracted to me like you did with Dillon and since Damien is your soon to be man you can’t have that happen--”
“What?” I interrupted. “I have never been attracted to Dillon like that. Why would you think that?” Ralph looked taken aback.
“It’s pretty obvious, Esme,” he said, “You two were so close everyone around you basically thought you’d end up together.”
“Everyone?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said, “I mean, all of our friends at school agree with me. Why do you think not that many boys have asked you out? Because they’re too afraid of Dillon to do it or they think you’re already taken.” I literally felt my jaw drop.
“No!” I protested, “Dillon and I have never been like that!”
“Really?” he asked.
“Yes, really,” I replied, letting myself slouch back on the bench, “What made you guys think that?”
“Well, the way you guys stare at each other,” he started, “The way you guys don’t mind being so close to each other, texting each other all the time, hanging out after school, the way you guys say each other’s names. It’s all there. The signs of two people in love.”
“That’s impossible,” I said, “We were just best friends.”
“So you’ve never kissed him?” he asked.
“Once,” I said, “But that was an accident because I fell on him when I was on the monkey bars and that’s the way we landed.”
“Are you sure it wasn’t planned?” he asked.
“Yes, I’m sure!”
“Okay, I won’t bother you about it anymore,” he said, “But everyone seriously thought you two were going to grow up and get married and have a family and love each other until death did you part.”
“Dillon doesn’t love me,” I said, a queasy feeling forming again. Just the thought of it is making me feel weird.
“Listen, Esme,” he said, “I don’t want to come off as rude, but I really don’t want to be here right now.”
“Why?” I asked.
“I got a text message from a person who told me to stay away from you and they’re completely serious about the things they’ll do to me if I stay here,” he answered.
“Who?” I asked, my mind going to Damien. Is he the jealous type?
“I can’t say their name, another little part of the threat,” he said, “I will say this though, Dillon does love you. I can tell. I think Marissa’s just a cover up for him.”
“Please,” I said, “That can never happen.”
“I’m going to leave now,” he said, “I’ll see you later.” We both got up and I walked him through the house, to the door. He opened the door and pulled out his phone, smiling.
“What?” I asked.
“More threats,” he said. I leaned to the side to see his screen but he flipped his phone closed.
“Privacy?” he said. I quickly moved back, embarrassed. He walked down the front steps and stared at me, my height now. “Bye,” he said, leaning over to hug me. I placed my hands around his shoulders and breathed in his scent. My throat tightened along with my arms around Ralph. He tried to get out of my grip and I tried to let go, but I couldn’t move. I’m frozen.
“Ralph, something’s wrong,” I said, trying to detach myself, “I can’t let go.”
“Crap,” he said, “What ever you do, Esme, stay calm. A disturbed Pariah is unpredictable, therefore highly dangerous.”
“What’s happening, Ralph?” I asked, ignoring his words.
“Have you fed yet?” he asked.
“Yeah, I ate some crackers a while ago but what does that have to do with anything?” I asked, still trying to let go of Ralph.
“I meant fed as in the Soul Kiss,” he said, “Have you had a soul yet?”
“No,” I said, “I haven’t.”
“Shit!” he said. “Just relax, Esme, just relax and you’ll be able to let go.” I started to breathe slowly. Think yoga, Esme. After a few breaths my heartbeat slowed and I felt my hands fall from Ralph. He immediately stepped back and stared at me.
“What was that? Why did--” I broke off midsentence and clutched my throat. It was starting to get really uncomfortable. I gulped down, but the weird sucking sensation didn’t stop. It ran down to my chest and pulled me towards the floor. I resisted and it became more powerful. My knees crumbled under the pressure and I placed my hands on the concrete. It feels like this force is going to pull me right into the ground.
Two hands pulled me up effortlessly. So it was just in my mind, great, I’m fricken paranoid! They shook my shoulders and placed me next to the door. I lost the feeling in my legs, as if they had disappeared when I had lain down. I looked up at Ralph, his lips were moving, but no sound came out. I stared at him, confused; my body was still trying to resist against the immense pressure and no sound entered my eardrums. Ralph is yelling, but I can’t hear it. My eyesight was starting to get fuzzy and blurry. The colors around me blended together, Ralph’s troubled face was disappearing. What’s happening to me?
Ralph leaned in close to me, grabbing my jaw. He placed his lips on mine and I felt the yearning in my throat start to disappear, before it came back stronger than ever and Ralph pulled back, his eyes agonized. Whatever he tried to do, it didn’t work.
My heart started to thump slower. My senses are cut off, or muted, I don’t really know. I can feel everything around me. How is this possible? I know exactly where everything is and what it’s doing, where it’s going, what it means. A sheet of blackness is being pulled over me. I tried to lift up my arms to rip it off, but nothing happened. It continued to thread itself over my body, getting heavier with every passing millisecond. I tried to command my mouth to open, but it stayed closed shut. My supply of oxygen had already depleted for a while, so how was I still conscious? My heart slowed even more, I can make out each double heartbeat. The blanket of darkness came closer, cutting off my blurred vision. My body finally gave up, loosening its tense contorted position and relaxing my muscles. Then the sheet flew over me, enclosing my body in a tight vise.
* * *
“How long has it been now?” someone asked. A pain forming in my ribs made me moan loudly and suddenly nobody was speaking. My eyes fluttered open and I stared up at Dean’s worried face. “Are you okay?” he asked. I closed my eyes again, sleep overpowering my body. “Esme, are you okay?” Dean asked again. I groaned for him to know I am, sort of. “Then wake up.” I opened my eyes again, Dean’s annoying behavior is getting rid of my sleepiness.
“What?” I asked, “Weren’t you somewhere else?” Dean muttered something under his breath and I turned so I wouldn’t have to face him, realizing for the first time that we’re not alone. Damien is staring off somewhere else, the night sky contrasted against his white shirt and blending in with his dark jeans. And Ralph is standing next to him. They’re talking. I started to get up and Dean pushed me back down.
“You fainted,” he said, “I don’t think it’s time for you to get up just now.” I sighed angrily and both Damien and Ralph turned around to look at me. They both ran over to me, Ralph slightly pushing Damien so he could get to me first.
“Are you alright?” Damien asked, instantly annoying Ralph.
“Why would she be alright?” Ralph asked, “She fainted.”
“Did I ask you?” Damien said. “Cause I don’t think I did. I asked my girlfriend if she was alright because I care about her. I didn’t ask you because I don’t care about you. So let her answer her own questions.” Ralph moved away from me and towards Damien, both of them reaching the same height and both of them equally angry.
“And she must care about you because she was with you when she fainted, right?” he asked. Damien looked at me suddenly and I realized what Ralph was implying.
“Nothing happened,” I said quickly, “We were just talking and then when he was about to leave, I fainted.” I purposefully left the hugging part out and when Ralph had kissed me. Damien stared at me.
“Can we talk?” he said, looking at everyone else, “Alone?” Dean and Ralph shared the same look of disbelief on their faces.
“Please?” I asked, looking at Dean and Ralph, “Just a few minutes.” Dean glared at Damien as he and Ralph went inside the house, leaving me and Damien sitting outside on the porch. He knelt down next to me and helped me sit up with me back against the wall of the house before he sat down, too.
“I have to tell you something,” he said.
“Why are you here?” I asked suddenly, ignoring his first comment. He looked at me and smiled slightly.
“Your jerk friend may not like me but he still called me to come help you, I mean, I’m the only Pariah you know so who else to solve your problem than me?” he asked.
“Oh,” I said, suddenly looking for my phone.
“Your brother has your phone,” he said. I looked at him. He knows me a little too well. “Listen, Esme,” he said, “I really need to tell you something just so no problems come from this later on in our relationship.”
“What?” I asked. “Oh, wait, can I ask you something first?”
“Sure, what?”
“Why did I faint?” I asked, “I mean, just one second I was all good and then the next, I couldn’t breathe and my throat was on fire and then everything just started to slip away.”
“You haven’t fed yet,” he said simply, “It was your body’s reaction to starvation. You need to feed on a soul or else your body will keep shutting down until you die.”
“What if I don’t want to?” I asked. He stared at me cautiously.
“You have to,” he answered, “It’s not exactly a choice you can make.” I groaned and Damien grabbed my hand, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb. “It’s not bad, trust me on that, you don’t even regret doing it.”
“Cause that makes it so much better,” I muttered. Damien smiled slightly.
“Esme, I really need to tell you something,” he said, his voice serious.
“Okay, tell me,” I said. He took a deep breath and his hold on my hand tightened a little.
“I can read minds,” he said. I froze as soon as he finished speaking and I looked up at him.
“What?” I asked.
“Esme, I heard what you were thinking when you said nothing happened between you and Ralph,” he said, “I know he kissed you.” I stared at him, shock coloring my expression. Holy Jesus, Damien has been able to read my mind for who knows how long now and now he knows that Ralph kissed me and ohmigod! “Yeah,” he agreed, “Oh my God.”
“It wasn’t my fault,” I instantly said, hoping he won’t break up with me, “I was on the ground and seriously messed up in the head when he kissed me.”
“That doesn’t matter, Esme, I know what he was trying to do but since it didn’t happen, it was only a kiss.” He looked sideways at me. “I just, I don’t know, I don’t like it. I mean, I’m your boyfriend and I’ve barely even touched you and he’s just a friend and he’s already kissed you. What kind of crap is that?” he asked.
“You know I didn’t do it on purpose,” I said, “And I’ll kiss you right now. I seriously will.”
“I don’t know if I can trust you, Esme,” he said, “And I can’t kiss you right now because you still need to feed on a soul and that seriously needs to be done now before you kill your brother.” He stood up and helped me get up, too. I leaned into him, happy that being with him makes me feel small and protected and better. But he’s most likely leaving.
“Where do I go to feed?” I asked.
“Your instinct will take you there,” he said, “And it’s not like there’s a hunting ground you can go to to feed.”
“You’re not going to break up with me, are you?” I asked.
“I think we just need a little space for a while,” he said, “I’ll still pick you up tomorrow to go to school, but I don’t know, we’ll work on this.”
The knocking on my door hasn’t stopped since three hours ago. Neither has the constant apologizing from Ralph. I tried to drown it out by turning up my stereo system at the highest volume it has. It worked for the first half hour, but I can still tell they’re outside my door.
Right now I’m lying on my bed, face down, biting my second least favorite pillow with all the force I have in my jaw. I already took out the stuffing from my first least favorite pillow. It lies in scraps on the floor next to a decapitated Barbie doll, a crumpled English essay that got the lowest score out of all my papers, and dozens of scattered cosmetics. Everything in my room is in disarray.
I looked over at my vanity mirror, willing it to become something else, show me something different. The thought became a feeling in me, almost like an electric shock traveling through my veins. And then the reflection in my vanity mirror changed. A river surrounded by trees and grass and darkness moved through it. I blinked, and the image disappeared. I have to go there. What am I talking about? I can’t just leave Dean here and escape into the night! But there’s something there and I need to get it. What am I supposed to do about that?
And my body is yearning for something I will not give it. I am not a murderer. What is there for me to do about this? My body needs...souls. I grimaced and let the pillow free from my mouth. My stomach growled and I groaned. My body is hungry both ways.
Great. Dean started knocking on my door and I sat up.
“E, if you don’t open this door in the next minute I swear I’m going to break it down!” Dean yelled.
No!
I scrambled to my feet and grabbed a jacket from the floor, tying my converse quickly and glancing at my mirror once before I opened the back window. Just as I fell out on the grass I heard the door of my room being pounded on.
“Ow!” I whimpered. I stood up and put on my jacket. Someone grabbed me around the waist and locked me in their embrace.
“Sorry, Esme. Dean told me you’d try to escape through the back window,” Ralph apologized. I let my body go limp.
“I don’t blame you,” I said, “And I’m sorry, too.” He loosened his grip around me.
“Wha--” Before he had time to react, I elbowed him in the stomach and he fell to the grass, cursing and groaning. I didn’t even take a look back at him as I hurried away to the other side of the fence.
I jumped the back fence into my neighbor’s backyards, sneaked over to the side of the house and out into the street.
Clouds are hovering in the sky above me, darkening the light on the street. Nobody is outside, maybe because it’s almost ten. Duh. I continued to walk, clutching my jacket closer to my body with the increasing cold. I shivered and continued down another street, hoping to my holy Jesus that Dean wouldn’t decide to look around here.
What am I doing? I can’t run away! It’s only for tonight, the small rebellious Pariah in me said. Yeah, it’s only for tonight. No harm done, well at least not that much harm. I looked down at the floor and thought very hard about what has to change in my life for me to survive.
I don’t like this one, but it’s a necessary change. I have to have a soul. It’s a necessary part of my life and it’s not like I can avoid it any longer. Suddenly, a thought came to me. I have to go to the river. On their own accord, my legs started to move faster so that I was jogging. I jogged all the way down the street, wondering where on Earth I’m going if I have no idea how to get to this river. The cold night air filled my lungs and caressed my skin, guiding me away from the house. I wonder why I’ve never like running if I feel so nice when I do it? Sudden pain traveled up my leg and tightened my muscles, sending me crashing down to the asphalt. I cursed as I crawled to the side and sat on the sidewalk. This is why. Cramps seriously suck. I massaged my leg, feeling the pain go away in only a matter of seconds. Weird, this usually takes a lot more time since I never run. I stood up, sure that I’m going to fall any second, but I didn’t. I actually feel stronger now. Huh.
It’s better not to think about it, that way, I won’t be freaked out. Yes, I’ll just keep going. I started to jog again, feeling my (supposedly) injured leg feel looser and stronger than it had a few minutes ago. How can that happen? What, is it because I’m a Pariah now that I’m getting stronger? My pace started to slow as the realization started to dawn on me. Because I’m becoming a Pariah, I’m getting stronger. And because of that I’m also in need of a soul. That’s why I froze when Ralph totally hugged me and I couldn’t do anything about it. I need to feed on a soul. Now. And that soul is at the river. Again, my legs started to run on their own, turning the corner onto Hillcrest Drive. I bet I’m running as fast as Dillon can run during his games. I quickened my pace, surprised by how easy it is to do this and how non-tiring it is. I passed by the houses at a surprisingly fast rate. Good thing the night is dark, what would I say if someone saw me running down the street in the middle of the night? And the people in this street know me; I don’t run. The only exercise I get is when I fight someone or we have kickboxing in Gym. Man, those were good times.
Eventually, I came to the end of the houses and a field, stopping at a sort of mini bridge. The only reason I stopped is because I heard the sound of rushing water. I looked over the cement barrier and saw the water underneath the bridge, wondering why I had the incredulous idea that someone would be out here. Then I heard the crying.
I looked over and jumped the barrier, landing sideways on dirty damp grass, not making a single sound. A teenage girl is leaning on a tree, staring at the sky. Her hair is dark and short, her skin is almost entirely white. She’s wearing a black dress and no shoes. I walked closer to her, suddenly pulled to her, then I stopped. She looked up at me and her eyes grew wide, then she dropped the blade in her hand and it fell in the water. We stared at each other for a few minutes, neither of us saying anything to the other. Then I neared her again until I was only a foot away from her. She didn’t move, she hasn’t moved. Her eyes, they’re just filled with…knowing. She knows what I’m going to do. And she isn’t running. I don’t know who it was but suddenly someone invaded my body because I sure did not know I was going to do this.
My invader grabbed her jaw and the girl gulped loudly, not daring to break eye contact with me. She didn’t even move away as I started to dig my fingers into her jaw and broke the skin. Then her figure started shimmering and my fingers went through her. Through her. Her face completely disappeared and she became a white figure. I realized then that Chelsea wasn’t kissing the boy. Her lips weren’t on his. They were on his neck. Just like mine are on this white figure. I felt a connection suddenly between us and I pulled on it, a thin white line of who knows what coming out of the girl’s neck and into my mouth. I’m taking her soul. And it tastes wonderful. It tastes like…like…power? Yes, it tastes like power. It’s amazing.
The girl grabbed my hair and I pulled back from the shock, just in time to see her face reappear and the line of white vanish. She fell to the floor and laid motionless. I waited for the remorse and regret to overcome me, but I feel fine. Better than fine, actually. It was amazing, how could I not feel fine. This is like being high and it’s exhilarating to just stand. I feel stronger and purer and just altogether wonderful. I could take over the world right now that’s how powerful I feel. Wow, this is…awesome. I looked back at the girl and took a step back in surprise. She’s gone. There’s no trace of her.
Crickets chirp their music into the night. A cold breeze is blowing over the creek and making the leaves on the trees fall down. The moonlight is making strange shadows on the water’s surface, casting beautiful reflections onto the surrounding trees and bushes. This place is so serene it’s like she didn’t even exist and I was never here. But for some strange reason, all I can think about is Dillon. Why? He’s a jerk. It just took me eleven years to figure that out. I need to forget him. I was supposed to go the park with him yesterday and today we were supposed to be out celebrating because he had a game and it’s a tradition to go out to Dairy Queen after the game. We always do it. And he didn’t even bother to text me something. He’s probably out with his friends right now or at home, talking with his dad about how great a game he played. He isn’t going to the park after Dairy Queen because that’s where we go, without the team, to bask in the glory of our friendship. He’s not there.
I’m going to the park.
* * *
Cold air whips all the leaves on the park ground up into a spiral then floating down like feathers. Nobody is here, or at least I think that. I can’t really be sure when everything’s so dark. But what am I to be afraid of, I’m a powerful Pariah. I bet bullets couldn’t even get through my skin. Just the thought of being invincible made me feel...full of it. I guess a jerk feels like this all the time.
“Ha!” I laughed once. I sat down on the bleachers of the first baseball field, bringing my knees up to my chest to keep me warm. How can I even be here? The sign at the entrance says that the park closes at ten. It’s practically midnight and still open. Maybe they don’t even need to lock anything because who would be in the park at midnight except a hobo? But it’s still nice to be here. It brings back a lot of memories. Like when I first met Dillon. Yes, I remember it so clearly even though I was only four years old. I remember because Dean had recorded it and we’ve watched it every year on my birthday and then on Dillon’s.
I was standing next to the tube slide, ready to show Dean that I was going to climb up the tube after I had mastered that skill. He was going to record it and show it to mom when we got home. So I started up the slide, but some idiot kid saw me and wanted to sabotage my childhood memories. A five-year-old boy with dark brown hair and angry green eyes. Sadly, for him, he didn’t get to me in time to push me down the slide. No, I made it up before he got up. Then Dean recorded me going down the slide and going off in a giggle fit. I was so cute. But that’s when it all went wrong. The boy saw me going after a ball and suddenly, he wanted it, too. We both ran towards it, and when I saw him, I ran faster. We were both running by the time we reached the light green ball. And I reached it first. I picked up it in time and turned to run away, but the idiot, who had fallen, put out his foot and I tripped. The ball flew out of my hands and rolled in front of the slide. Then another kid with red hair and freckles picked it up and left with it. I was pissed. I turned around and the kid with dark brown hair stared at me.
The point of the story is that Dillon started the fight and we’d been best friends ever since. I wonder why we became friends. What, was it because I beat him up and he wanted backup or something? It doesn’t matter, we became friends. And now we’re not.
I was too distracted to notice the sound of someone taking in shaky breaths until now. I pulled myself in tighter and searched for whoever is shaking. The darkness is too much for my weak eyes, I wish could see better.
All the colors that could have been in the daylight suddenly appeared, not quite as bright, though. Only taking their shade from warm to cool. The orange slide was now a deep burgundy, the gray fountain was a navy blue with water that shines like crystals; wow. It would be awesome if I saw light like this all the time. Don’t get distracted, Esme! My conscious yelled. Hey, I’m only a fifteen-year-old girl, I argued as if my conscious would answer back. If it did, I would scream and freak out. There I go again, getting distracted. I need to get a better hold on my concentration. Let me deal with whoever else is here, and then I can go back to being the irresponsible, runaway, teenage Pariah that I am.
But what do I say? ‘Who are you and what are you doing in the park at this time of night?’? They’d probably ask me the same thing. Then the entire accusation will be pinned on me. I might as well wait patiently. An entire five minutes passed with me just staring off into space and waiting for whoever's with me to show themselves before my patience wore thin. I have to know who this person is.
“Hello?” I called out loud. The shaky breaths stopped and I stood up. “Is someone out there?”
No answer.
“Anyone?”
Still no answer. Then I heard the sound of crunching leaves and someone cursing under their breath. They’re probably scared of me; I just took someone’s soul. But how could they know? That doesn’t make any sense.
“I won’t hurt you, I swear,” I said. A horribly familiar snicker sounded to my right. It‘s as if it‘s coming from the other side of the dugout. What is going on? I wanted to be here to forget! I gasped and stepped out towards the sound of the laughter. Anger is flaring inside me and I want to hit something badly. So instead, I yelled.
“Dillon Joshua Maverick, what the hell are you doing out so late?”
