~~Star~~ (2)

2 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3859
Reviews 19
okay! 2nd part! :thud: i wasn't sure if this is ready to be read but i was eager to put the second part up.... i hope i'll be hearing more reviews! thanks in advance!!





:elephant: :elephant: :elephant: :elephant: :elephant: :elephant: :elephant:




It’s been 2 hours, maybe 3…. Or 4, Tala doesn’t know. She lost track of time walking the streets of New York. Pre-occupied. “Now what”, she thought, stopping and looking around her. It’s already 7 in the evening, and still, the city is so alive. It’s not as noisy in the morning but there are some drivers still yelling at the others when cut off. A lot of restaurants still open and seems in no way near in calling it a day.

The energy of people here seems to give her a jolt to stay alert and think what she’s going to do next. But instead she remembers Anita like a gunshot sound in her head! She squints and her nostrils flared in anger. 'I swear if I saw that wretch I’m going to manslaughter her! ‘Quickly killing her is the kindest thing for that woman!’ she thought making a fist and punching it in the air.

Anita Remedios is the very reason why her life is miserable now. Tala sat down on a nearby bench, careful not to let her stroller bag out of sight. She knows very well how sneaky this place can be. She pulled out her purse from the bag’s side pocket, a folded 5 thousand pesos, equivalent to 107 dollars is in there. Tala groans, how would she live with 100 dollars in a place with a high cost of living? How would she spend it until she finds Anita? Where’s the money changer here anyways? These questions leave her uneasy, more so, she pities herself with it.

How did she ever end up like this? Tala remembers how her long time “agent” Anita persuaded and convinced her for years that she needed and have to work in America because the opportunities in there were bigger and profitable than in the Philippines. The woman managed to suck in all the money that she, together with her father’s hard- earned money had given her because Anita promised in her mother’s life that Tala’s going to get her visa processed so she could work and live in America. She led them on for so many months. Until Anita advised her to buy a one way ticket to New York because her papers had been approved and she can now work legally for many years.

Tala did everything according to Anita’s advice. She bought one-way ticket to NY and arrived at the airport with full confidence and hope for her family. And something about earning American dollars kept her smiling all the way to the arrival area. She spotted Anita jerking side to side looking for someone, maybe she was looking for her, Tala thought. She was wearing a jacket with a big hood on, looking more like the Americans. Anita jumped in fright when Tala surprised her with a tap and then she said she’ll need the other 5 thousand Philippine pesos they’d previously talked about through the phone so she could pay, what she elaborated as the release payment of Tala’s visa so she could give it to her here. But before Tala could hand the money over, a couple of arresting officers jumped out of no where and hand cuffed her and Anita. Tala was very confused and scared. Apparently, Anita was a wanted bitch in America and the USCIS had been trailing her butt for some time now.

She clearly remembered how she wanted to claw Anita’s face right there and then but couldn’t do so because of the hand cuffs. She was accused as an accomplice to Anita’s doing and will be deported as well. After they got out of the airport both escorted, Anita suddenly tackled one of the agents and run like hell, and she attempted to do just that but she was caught easily.

She was brought to the immigration office the same day and went through a lot of questionings and manipulations. She kept telling them she’s not an illegal immigrant and she have a working permit and a visa to legalize her stay in America but the entire document was not in her possession right now. Though how hard she tried to defend her self, the only valid answers that were acknowledged is to that of the officer’s questions, like, who is the woman she was with and where she’s now. She kept telling them she knew her only over an internet ad for work abroad and she personally doesn’t know who she is. It turned out the officer doesn’t believe one bit of her story. He even accused her of being a terrorist, something, Tala thought, was clearly crossing the line and before the officer knew it, a stapler went flying to his face causing his nose to bleed. She was then thrown out the building and was given allotted amount of time to prove she’s indeed legal to stay here and to do so, she needed to find Anita, whether by hook or by crook.

So far, she doesn’t have any luck on that part.


:elephant: :elephant: :elephant:


A sizzling hotdog snatches her attention and her stomach starts grumbling. She remembers her last meal was in the plane and that was over 16 hours ago! She needs to eat!

She pulls her stroller towards a nearby hotdog stand. She savored the smell of it first before making an order. She looks at the man who is cooking, he’s all greasy & hairy, with full mustache, but she doesn’t care if the vendor is all that dirty as long as she could just eat some!

“How much is that sir?” she’s basically salivating watching the hotdogs being rolled slowly just so it can have that just right texture, she imagines how hot that will be in here mouth burning her tongue, but it’s alright because she knows it’s going to be insanely good!

“Sir?” the cook echoed, chuckling. Amuse of the tiny woman’s address to him.

She doesn’t get it, instead she let it go and watches as the man took out bread from somewhere took one hotdog out the grill and spin it in his hand all in one very skillful manner.

“Mustard? Ketchup?” he asks.

“Ketchup!” she quickly answers. The vendor squirts the ketchup all over it and hand her the finished product. She can smell heaven just about now. She positions her hotdog, aims to take a big bite out of it but before she could even have a taste of the thing, she heard him say, “2.90”. She stops and realizes he was asking for her payment. She carefully put the hotdog down, took out her purse then looks at the suspecting man. “Uhm… is it okay sir, if I pay in Philippine peso? I don’t have any dollar with me and I’m really….REALLY hungry” she begs.

Thought the man looks unhappy, he took the hotdog and without any words, he gave it to her, “It’s on the house”.

She was surprise and thankful at the same time and wastes no more time just staring at it, she quickly chomps the hotdog continuously, almost swallowing a piece of tissue.

“Be careful there missy, you might upset your stomach” says the amused man, watching her.

With her mouth full she replied, “Sir, I don’t get stomach ache by eating but by having an empty stomach for a day!” The man chuckles at her as he takes another order from a waiting customer.

It’s almost 12 midnight and she’s still as homeless as before, plus her tired legs are killing her. She have to stop walking and decided to take a rest in a bench. She removes her neon shoes and massages her aching feet. It felt good really good, she thought.

She notices her feet led her to a park. Grassy, street lamp-post is lit, some lamp-post flickers. She decides to settle here for the night. She hopes she’s not bothering anyone by sleeping here. One night won’t hurt, right? She convinces herself. She took out her blanket from her bag & lay down while trying to find herself a comfortable position. When she did, she promises her self, “Tomorrow I’m going to find every single Anita Remedios in New York! I’m going to start from the Filipino community, maybe ask for their help there, & resume my man-hunt at once!” She only has 4 days to go to get her visa back from that sneaky bitch! “That’s right!” she tugged her blanket to her neck, from her eyes glints determination, “Tomorrow will be a new day!”


:elephant: :elephant: :elephant:


Tala is awakened by someone shaking her. When she opens her eyes, she doesn’t know where she is at first and slowly, everything that had happen came flushing in her memory. She looks up at a huge body blocking the sunlight.

“We’ve received a call from a concern citizen about a homeless woman sleeping in the park”, says a man with his deep voice. “This is a family park, you’re not allowed to reside her” the man switches position making Tala see who that is. He’s wearing a police uniform armed with gun and badge and waiting for her to comply with a passive expression.

“S-sorry!” she says, quickly gathering her blanket and slipping into her shoes which she’s been hugging while sleeping. She’s very suspicious that someone might run it away, plus it’s her only pair of shoes.

“No need for apologies miss, we’ll need to invite you down at the police station anyway.”

“What!?... Why!!” she asks nervously. “I- I’m going, see? No need for you to invite me anywhere. Seriously though, I won’t do it again!” she tries to convince the officer.

“You probably won’t but this is clearly a penalty for the city ordinance”, the cop points at the smudged, blurry sign that says ‘Strictly NO Sleeping On All Park Benches’. “See, c’mon”, the cop starts to take her stroller bag away but she is holding on to it tight.

“That??” she exclaims, “But…that’s not a very noticeable sign! That is unfair!!”

“You’ve had you’re excuse, let’s go,” the cop says, clearly not showing any change of heart.

“No!!” Tala refuse, she raise her chin to the 6’7 foot cop. “This is clearly a police brutality!! I will exercise my right in here even though I’m not a citizen and justice will prevail so help me God!!” she bravely yelled, then realizes she said something terribly wrong and the cop clearly notices it too.

“You’re not an American citizen you say?” the officer ducks his head to have a good view of the woman. “Are you an illegal immigrant?” he asks now taking her into much serious liability than the originally reported call.

“No?” she says, trying to come up with some clever excuse, but her brain seems to malfunction all of a sudden.

“Let’s go!” the cop says with more strictness to his tone. He aims to grab her arm but she is quicker. She instinctively kicks the cop’s knee as hard as she could. The cop growled both in pain and surprise and holds on to the bench to immediately balance him. She quickly grabs the handle of her bag and run fast while wrapping her blanket around her neck, no time to neatly pack it in her bag.

She never look back, not even when some poor unsuspecting guy is rolled over by the wheels of her bag and cursed at her continuously, nor when she accidentally trips a public trash can and rolls in the street having it crushed by a 10 wheeler truck, nor when her flapping blanket accidentally whipped a traffic police man’s eye making him temporarily blind and causing traffic mayhem and mild car collisions. She doesn’t seem to hear any of the screeching, banging noises but she could hear the loud thumping of her heart. She runs as far away as she could possibly can.

About 50 feet from where she unconsciously made a chaotic event, she stops, catching her breath. She sat on top of her bag and decides to take a rest, but before she could fully do so, she hears a police siren getting closer, she knows for sure they’re after her. She gathers herself at once and with force she pulled her bag but then she’s pulled back. To her amazement, she can’t make her bag move, she checks it out and found out that all of her bag’s wheels were stocked so tightly on the sewer, and can’t be jammed out even is she tries.

“Oh please! Not now!!!...C’mon!” she says encouraging her bag as if it has a mind on its own. “On three… one… two… threeeeeeee!!!!” she pulls but fails to do so. She briefly thought she should just leave her bag here but all her clothes, her passport are all in there. ‘No’, she thought, she can’t, its suicide!

Just as she continues to struggle retrieving her bag, a speeding car passed by her and splashes her face and open mouth with stinking mud-colored water. Tala just got a taste of New York’s filth! Just when she thought things are not going to be any worse. Few seconds later, adding to her dismay, a familiar face caught up with her and she’s put in a tight hand cuffs by the unhappy police officer.
What if you found yourself lost and helpless in a foreign place, and in desperate need of help. Would you accept a marriage proposal from a stranger? or walk away instead?


~~Star~~
part1
topic58343.html

part2
topic59140.html




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 2596
Reviews 26
Like in the first part of the story you need to be careful with the tenses, but I really liked your story. Also be careful where you put 'in' some places in the story they are not required. I really like the feel of a connection with your character when she's scared or confused.



I wondered why we put villains in our stories when we have plenty of them in real life; then I realized that maybe we wanted stories where the good guy wins.
— nogutsnoglory