The Possible Life, of your Child's Child.

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Her pretty dress was green.
It read: I'm an Angel! And had a sparkling fairy.
Her face was stoic and solemn yet cute, despite the grime and dirt, despite the mudstains.
Very cute. Even the strongest would weep for her.

Her feet, better for ballet, were trekking across the mud.
She slipped and hee knee did graze.
Tears, blood and mud.
Maybe her mother, dead as she was, cried too?

But she was up in five. She was five years old too.
Her instincts, her man-made instincts of survival kicked in. She sighed.
Perhaps roaming ghosts round from '10 were sighing too?
For this little girl, the product of militaristic genetic engineering.

The girl found a can.
And inside was... Water? Yes, definetely, it must be water because it is green. Like rain.
The can was red and read: BB: 10 January 2060
And it was hot to the touch, lingering radiation from war long ago.

The water seeped through her parched throat.
It flowed through her body. She fell. Her beautiful hair fell and tossed.
She coughed.. Tears streamed down her face once more.
The can rolled away in the wind, carrying the poisonous water with it.

Her blood curled and every muscle spasmed.
Her pupils dilated and her windpipe slowly closed.
Her last breath was Haze, known in 2050 as "The Gas Nuke"
Though the "Nuke" part had long transmuted, it was still a poison gas.
And this beautiful, five year old girl, who in other realities was known as Tess, died.

My friends, this is the possible future of your child's child.

--

Save Earth, Stop War, Nuclear Proliferation. Be a Hero.
Last edited by LookUpThere on Sun Feb 28, 2010 12:09 pm, edited 2 times in total.




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This was... chilling and yet beautiful at the same time. You say you don't normally write things like this... are you sure? It seems like your brain does all the time. Maybe when you sleep.

Her blood curled and ever muscle of hers was spasmed.

Try, "every muscle spasmed". Because what you have sounds kind of awkward. Plus you used, "ever" instead of "every".
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This is interesting. I have a few nitpicks - you spelt "definitely" wrong, so make sure you use a spell-check before you post. Also, the second line sounds unnecessary. I don't think you need to say that she had a green dress twice. It kind of makes it sound like you can't think of anything new to say, so maybe take it out. Also, some lines are worded a little swkwardly, for example: "The strongest for her would weep" - why not say "even the strongest would weep for her", or something like that? It just sounds easier to read. Also, this "dead as she could be" sounds... a little harsh, I think. Apart from that, pretty good. The later part of the poem is harsh-sounding as well, but as there is more of it at once, it doesn't sound so out of place. So good job, this is quite effective.
Matt.



Education is education. We should learn everything and then choose which path to follow. Education is neither Eastern or Western; it is human.
— Malala