When You’re Not There - By, Trevor Jones

When You’re Not There

Verse 1:
I’ve spent a long, long time
Going no were soon
In a 60 mile zone
Going 42…
That’s what you do to me,
That’s what you do.
I’ve spent a lot of dreaming’
Thinking I’d come true
The biggest one is thinking id be with you,
But I know I’m wrong,
That’s why I’m singing songs, baby.

Chorus:
One minute you love me then the next you don’t care,
“Just a seconded ill call you,” but then you’re not there.
Girl I’m missen you,
Girl I miss you.
When you’re not there.

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If you like it Plz comment, it inspirers me to write more!!! haha...
Peace!
Trevor B. Jones

It's a cool song, however I would expand it. It seems more like a poem than a song. That's all I can really say.

Hi there. Before I mention anything else, it would be a good idea if you deleted your name from this. People can track you down with it. This isn't to say people here would, but it never hurts to be safe. :D

Something I noticed was that your spelling and capitalization could use work. Just because this is a song doesn't mean that spelling and grammar can be ignored. Another thing I think you need to watch out for is that what you're saying makes sense. For instance:

I’ve spent a lot of dreaming’
Thinking I’d come true
The biggest one is thinking id be with you,

I don't understand what you're trying to say with this.

Also, this was a bit short with just one verse and the chorus. You have a good flow, and I can feel a beat, but this is too short to really appreciate. I really think you could make this longer.

I disagree with Munchkinzizzles. It's for sure a song. I really like it. I think you could expand it and make it longer. Add more imagery, feeling, and add to the storyline. It's a neat concept. I think you could make it a whole lot better.

It is good. Keep Writing You deserve a star

"“Just a seconded ill call you,” but then you’re not there"
I tihnk you meant to type, "second"
I like your song. It's cute.
My fave lines are

"Thinking I’d come true

The biggest one is thinking id be with you,

But I know I’m wrong,

That’s why I’m singing songs, baby. "
That relates to people, you know/ I tihnk guys who write love songs and share it with people are tough...Ha, yes You are tough, mann.
hehe, Nice job with the words.
It's just the first four lines sound like you're driving in a car, missing that chick is slowing you down right? The rest of the song sounds good, but if you like the four sentences then towards the end or at the end you could try adding them into your last stanza ...or verse. It helps tie your song together. you can try that.
I love it though. It's really nice.
~Skyy.